Oblivion
by prongsdeer
Summary: It wasn't so long ago when Remus finally started to recover from what happened; after nearly two years, he finally felt he could move on. But standing in front of her and talking with her brought everything back – every feeling and every memory – everything that she had no idea about. He was a stranger to her, while she was still his whole world.
1. Two Years Later

Have you ever felt like no matter what you've done in your life, there was always going to be something missing?

This was how Elsie felt every time she was left alone for more than two seconds with her own thoughts. It was an inexplicable feeling, something that made her even feel guilty sometimes. Why does she let that sunken emptiness overwhelm her, when everything was so great around her?

It's not like when she was at Hogwarts. Elsie was always weird, quiet, and shy, so she only has two friends – it wasn't common amongst Gryffindors. She always watched the big groups of friends in the common room with jealousy, and listened to them gush on stories about the parties after the quidditch games, but she never was a part of them herself. Maybe she could've done something to change that – like be more outgoing – but she never did; she rather chose a good book in a quiet corner than cross her own boundaries.

Even though she loved magic, she still picked another path after she left the walls of the castle. She wasn't alone in that: many witches and wizards also chose artistic careers, and some of them even went to muggle colleges. Elsie learnt writing in a place where there were no muggles, but where magic wasn't essential for those who studied there either. Painters', writers', architects', and a lot of other artists' schools were like this – filled with rare people who sometimes even count as weird whether they're among wizards or muggles.

But this place changed Elsie's life completely. From the very first minute, she felt it will be something else, something good – because wow, he's wearing my favourite band's shirt. And oh, she hugged me, just as a greeting. Cool, they understand when I just don't feel like talking, but they still try to keep in contact with me the next day; and so, she stepped out from her comfort zone every day. The many positive feedbacks from her teachers, the fact that people were interested in what she was doing, her friends – who were really her friends, not just fake ones – all gave her the self-confidence she had always craved. She finally had the courage to laugh loudly, speak up and talk in front of people, tell her own opinion, and even shout sometimes, if that was necessary. It was like waking up painless after a very long and painful headache.

So what was the missing part? Elsie couldn't find out.

"Love" – This was Juliet's eternal response. Elsie loved her dearly; she was American, and a huge fan of London. Even after a year living there, she still walks around the city like a little kid in the candy shop. She was lively, always cheerful, with a smile that could brighten up a room. A kind of girl whom every witch was jealous of, and every wizard liked. She was tall and slender, with short, blond hair and small, green eyes. Her face was average, nothing special – until she starts to smile. It changed her whole look.

Her smile was also the one Elsie loved most about herself, but she, on the other hand, was rather short, and not as slender as Juliet. She never had a problem with her shape, though. She also loved her long, brown hair and dark blue eyes, but her face wasn't as naturally happy as Juliet's. "You're a romantic girl, Elsie, even if you try to deny it. A handsome guy – that's what's missing for you," she winked and turned back to her sketchbook.

It was the first week of September. One warm but windy late afternoon, the two friends spent their time at Florean Fortescue's terrace after their last class. Elsie took a sip from her coffee and sighed, "I don't think that a guy would be the solution to my problems."

"That's a nice thought," Juliet snapped her head up and pointed her pen at her friend. She was muggleborn, and still hated using quills, "But you're nineteen, and still haven't got a boyfriend yet! Or girlfriend. I don't care. But believe me that is what you need," after a proud smile, she brushed the loose strands of hair from her eyes, and then furrowed her brows, "Although, I don't know what else to expect in clothes like that. Why do you wear that terrible sweater?"

Elsie put her cup down and looked down at herself: she wore black boots, dark grey skinny jeans, and an oversized, blue sweater, which was clearly too big for her, "It's comfortable! Anyway, I can't even remember where I got this…"

"Gross!" Juliet yelled and shivered, "Maybe you stole it from a homeless man when you were drunk and you don't even remember."

Elsie chuckled, but rolled her eyes as well, "I'm not you, Juliet. Probably my brother left it at home and somehow it ended up in my wardrobe."

Juliet cleared her throat and slipped closer to her on her wooden chair, "So, your brother…"

"Is still engaged. Sorry."

After a big, dramatic sigh, the blond girl cleared her throat and leaned back on the chair, "That guy is so handsome. Tell me if they divorce."

Elsie laughed, "Would you look at that! He's not even married yet and you're already thinking about his divorce!"

Juliet's eyes suddenly lit up, "You know what, we should go out! Pick up some guys…"

"Please no," Elsie growled, but Juliet had already jumped up from her chair and half packed her things into her bag. With a sigh, Elsie finally stood up too. "Where do you even want to drag me to?"

"Leaky Cauldron, of course! There is always a lot of cute auror trainees at the start of the semester," she said with a dreamy voice.

Elsie shrugged and followed her friend. She learnt that arguing with Juliet is useless, and she won't stop whining until Elsie finally goes with her. "Fine, but I won't stay long. I'll visit my parents tomorrow, and I don't want to see them again with a bad hangover because of you."

Juliet threw Elsie a half-offended glance before she stopped after a few steps. "Take that disgusting thing off," Juliet said pointing at Elsie's sweater.

"No, I won't! I only have a sleeveless shirt on under this, and it's too cold for that," Elsie whined, but Juliet crossed her arms across her chest.

"I will transfigure it into something slutty if you don't take it off."

"You're the worst friend ever." – She said after she pulled the comfy sweater off and stuffed it into her bag."

* * *

Juliet was right. The pub was crowded with young witches and wizards; as it always was on the first weekend of September.

"Are you cold?" Juliet asked with a crooked grin, looking at her friend's thin, sleeveless, white shirt.

"I am," she answered with an offended voice as they sat on two empty barstools.

"Well, you really need to drink, then. Two firewhiskey, please," she added, smiling at the bartender.

They had drunk firewhiskey after firewhiskey, but only Elsie tried to slow down with it. They talked about school and boys, and an hour later the place was completely full – a lot of people couldn't even sit down.

"Look at that guy over there," Juliet whispered into her friend's ear, nodding at the direction of a group of guys near them, standing in a circle, "The one in leather jacket. He's looked at me several times."

Elsie sighed as she recognized him, "I know who he is. He was a year above me at Hogwarts."

"Introduce me!" Juliet said immediately with a pleading voice, her tone already a bit unsteady from the alcohol.

"Not a good idea. I don't even know him personally, and by the way, he's a huge heartthrob… He loves playing with girls."

"Sounds like my – oh my god, he's coming here!"

Elsie rolled her eyes and stood up, leaving space for her friend's newest prey, but at that moment her gaze met Sirius's, and he halted two steps away from them, staring at her with frozen eyes for several seconds. "Erm… yes?" Elsie asked hesitantly.

Sirius slightly shook his head, his distant gaze finally found its way back, "Sorry. Elsie, yes?"

She could hardly hide her surprise as someone like Sirius Black knew her name and remembered her. "Yes. And this is my best friend, Juliet," she stepped away, looking at the blonde, "She's American, but she studies here."

Sirius' puzzlement vanished as quickly as it came when his gaze locked with Juliet's. Elsie quietly walked away and disappeared in the crowd.

Half an hour passed as she tried to find familiar faces in the crowd, but she knew that people from her school usually picked another place to drink at. She didn't want to interrupt her friend, so she had some more drinks alone, and tried to avoid drunk men until she got too bored and walked back to Juliet. Sirius just whispered something in her ear, resting his hand at the top of her thigh. "Elsie! You don't want to go, do you?"

"I do, I was just about…"

"Just about to come with us? I just told your pretty friend here that there's a party at my friend's house – a housewarming – join us!"

Elsie smiled. "Who? And will they be really happy if we go to their party without an invitation? Surely there are just close friends…"

"James and Lily," Sirius grinned, "and don't worry about it, I invited you."

Before she could protest again, Sirius embraced both of the girls' shoulders and led them through the crowd, out of the bar and into the somewhat quieter street. Juliet's steps were messy, so they rather chose a refreshing walk; apparating while someone was drunk was never a good idea.

"Just so you know, Sirius," Elsie started quietly, while Juliet walked several steps ahead of them, loudly singing a song that neither Elsie nor Sirius knew "… if you hurt her, I'll curse you."

Sirius chuckled and looked mildly impressed. "Look at you, Elsie! You never were so savage… what happened to you?"

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "I'm not savage! And you don't even know me – how do you know what was I like?"

Sirius quickly looked away, his grin disappeared. By the time he looked back, only a slight smile remained on his face. "It's time to change that, then."

They smiled kindly at each other – it was strange. Even though Elsie didn't know Sirius closely, she never saw him smiling like this. Juliet's sudden appearance broke them up as she stopped next to Sirius and grabbed his arm. "You aren't flirting with her, are you?"

"Are you jealous, love?" Sirius asked with a cocked eyebrow.

Juliet laughed with her usual, loud voice. "I'm not. No matter how charming you are, she would never want anything from you. She prefers good guys. Or girls. I still don't know."

"I'm here too, by the way," Elsie waved. Soon they reached the apartment where Sirius knocked on the door. They heard muffled music and laughs through the walls before James opened the door – and Elsie saw it again. The same look that Sirius had not so long ago.

"Elsie?" He asked, clutching on the doorknob and looking at her.

She raised her eyebrows. _I was freaking invisible to everybody for seven years, and now the most popular boys remember me?_ "Yes. I uh… I hope it's okay that we came? We don't want to bother your party or anything."

"No, it's fine, come in," James said, his face still serious. Juliet and Sirius were already inside the house, while Lily joined James and her.

"Elsie! What are you doing here?" Lily asked, the familiar shock slightly in her green eyes, but she smiled. At least it wasn't so strange – Lily used to help her with her Potions studies sometimes during her sixth year.

"Well, Sirius started to flirt my best friend, so…" She shrugged and Lily rolled her eyes, leading her into the living room. There were around twelve people there; Elsie recognized most of them as former Hogwarts students.

"It's a really nice house. Congratulations."

"Thank you," Lily smiled kindly. For a second, something more serious flashed on her face, but just as she opened her mouth, the noise of a breaking glass interrupted them. "I swear, if they broke another mirror…" She growled, "You can find foods and drinks in the kitchen too with less drunken people."

"Thanks," Elsie said, smiling. She felt grateful since it's as if the redhead girl just read her thoughts of wanting to stay away from drunk people. She took a last look at Juliet and Sirius. They were sitting close next to each other on a small armchair definitely too small for two people, but still just talking. She entered into the tiny kitchen where she quickly started to eat a sandwich. She just remembered she hadn't eaten anything since her breakfast. People dropped in and out of the kitchen every so often, every one of them trying to talk Elsie into drinking another shot with them. She felt like she did that one time at Hogwarts when she went to a party – that was even worse, though, because she just felt more nervous back then. Now she could say no without being anxious about it.

But soon it was boring; sitting alone by the table. She poured some firewishkey in a small glass and started to drink, thinking about whether she should go out of the kitchen and make some friends, or just stay there until Juliet decides to go home – which probably won't be any time soon, knowing her. She just stood up from a chair when someone appeared at the doorstep, but the man stopped right after he stepped in and set his eyes on her. He had that familiar look on his face again that Elsie had seen too many times that night.

"Okay, could you tell me why you and your friends are all looking at me like I'm a vampire?" She asked loudly, a bit annoyed, but not angry.

Remus couldn't move, or speak, or breathe – he couldn't really believe he finally saw her after two, long years. Her appearance hadn't changed much, but he could tell from that single sentence that left her lips how much she had actually changed. As they looked at each other in silence, thousands of memories flashed through Remus' brain – from the moment they first talked to each other in the library, to the moment when he first kissed her, to the moment he decided he wipe off all of her memories of him.

He cleared his throat after a few seconds which seemed like an eternity, but still, when he spoke up, his voice was hoarse. "I'm just… you didn't… I never really see you at parties before. And I didn't know you were invited here."

Elsie grabbed another glass and started to fill it with firewhiskey. "I wasn't. My friend and I met Sirius at the Leaky Cauldron and he picked up my friend, so we ended up here," she reached her out her arm with the glass, offering Remus the drink; and as their fingers lightly brushed against each other, a fast but unbelievably intense feeling rushed over her. It was so quick she couldn't even feel it or recall two seconds later. "Are you okay?"

Remus still looked bothered, but it was nothing compared to what he felt inside. It wasn't so long ago when he finally started to recover from what had happened. After nearly two years, he finally felt he could move on. But standing in front of her and talking with her brought everything back – every feeling and every nice memory – everything that she had no idea about. _He was a stranger to her, while she was still his whole world,_ he thought. "I'm okay. I'm just tired."

"You're an even worse liar than I am," she smiled, sitting back down. "But fine, you don't have to tell me. Join me for a few drinks, then."

Remus thought about it for a few seconds; maybe he should leave now, until it wasn't too late. But he missed her so much, and what harm can a few drinks and some talk do?

"So, what was that example with the vampires?" He asked after a sip, sitting next to her.

Elsie frowned, trying to recall the memory. "Oh! Well, my friend, Juliet – you don't know her, she's my classmate – once hooked up with a vampire. The way you and your friends looked at me tonight was exactly how I looked at her when she told me."

"That is extremely dangerous," Remus laughed. "I mean, vampires…"

"Yeah, I know, I know. But she's still alive, so…" Elsie shrugged and chuckled too. "She loves to say that to me, you know. Every time when she's flirting with someone and I try to talk her out of it, she says, 'I had sex with a vampire, do you really think I can't take care of myself?'"

They laughed together again before both of them emptied their glasses; Elsie refilled them immediately. "Since when are you drinking?" Remus asked in surprise, a small smile on his lips.

"And again, you act like you know me," she said, causing Remus to look down for a second. "Anyway, it was since I started going to this school, which is full of people who loves to drink."

"What are you studying?" Remus asked, slightly afraid of the answer. He knew about Elsie's dreams, and how much she loved to write, but she was always too insecure. He knew he helped her a lot, encouraged her and talked her into writing more, but he didn't know yet how much harm he had done when he took away her memoires.

"Writing," she said, and Remus sighed in relief. "What about you?"

"Auror training," he answered shortly, taking another sip.

"There you are!" A loud, thin voice suddenly interrupted them. Juliet rushed into the kitchen and stopped next to Elsie, leaning on her shoulder with half of her weight. "Listen. Look. I wanna go home with Sirius."

Elsie sighed and looked at Remus, who grinned. "Let me guess, you're Juliet."

She turned her head towards him. "I hope she didn't say anything good about me," she winked, and looked back at her friend. "Will you be alright?"

"Yeah, but are you sure you should go? You're drunk."

"Tipsy," she corrected in a sulky voice. "And I'm sure. You, pretty boy – what's your name?" Juliet added, now turning to Remus.

"Remus," he smiled.

"Remus. Will you please escort my friend home later?" She asked, and without waiting for his answer, she continued, "Thank you."

She pressed a kiss on Elsie's cheek before she left them in the kitchen.

"She's allowed to hook up with vampires but you can't even go home alone?" Remus chuckled.

Elsie shook her head and sighed, slightly embarrassed, and she was sure she blushed. "I'm pretty sure she only said that because… because she really wants to find a boyfriend for me."

Remus tried his best to keep himself together. "And does she think I'd be a good one for you?"

She shrugged. "She knows I've never had a boyfriend before. She's just really desperate to find me someone."

Remus's nails were digging into his palms, but he kept smiling. "How's that you've never had anyone? Even after Hogwarts? I mean, you seem an amazing girl to me."

Elsie bit her lower lip and a light pink colour appeared on her cheeks again. "I don't want to start dating someone just so I can tell that I have a boyfriend, you know. I want it to be… special. I couldn't be with just anyone. And…" she stopped there and shook her head with a shy giggle, "Nevermind, it's stupid."

"No, tell me!" He chuckled, unable to hide his curiosity.

After a deep breath and a sigh, she took another sip from her glass. "I don't even know how I should say it," she started in a low voice. "I had some dates with different boys, but I always gave up after one date. Because I just think it should be something more, something… special from the first moments. That probably sounds stupid," she laughed again, but Remus was silent. "Sometimes I just feel there's an exact feeling that I'm looking for, I just couldn't find it. Which is stupid, again, because I've definitely never been in love."

Fear and sadness filled Remus' heart. She remembered. Not everything, not even a single thing – but there are bits and pieces from her feelings.

"I'm pretty sure you think I'm an idiot," she said after Remus didn't reply, still in deep silence. She grabbed her glass and emptied it. "I blame the firewhiskey. Usually I'm not so weird, I promise."

"Aren't you?" Remus smiled kindly, his voice weak.

"Well, maybe I am. But let's just blame the firewishkey."

The next few hours passed with talking and drinking. Elsie couldn't really tell why she was so open with this boy – usually, it took her months to open up to someone like this, but there was something in Remus that made her feel safe.

It was almost three in the morning when drowsiness started to overwhelm Elsie – her blinks were long and her eyelids heavy, and her head almost fell off a couple times. Remus chuckled, seeing her sleepy face. "Maybe you should go home and get some sleep."

She nodded slowly. "But you have to walk me home, remember?"

"I wouldn't let you to go alone," he said, slipping off of his chair and helping the girl up too; she needed to wrap a hand around him to stay on her legs. Sitting in one place for hours, they didn't realized how drunk they were.

"Okay, uh… I'll just say goodbye to James…" Remus started, looking around in the living room, but it was already empty except for Peter, who was dozing off on a couch, and another boy Elsie couldn't recognize sleeping on the floor.

"I think they are just warming up their new bedroom," she giggled. "Please let's pretend I haven't said anything and just goooo home."

They walked on the streets, talking in incoherent sentences mixed with a lot of giggles; their arms around each other as a support to keep themselves standing. They needed to stop several times to pee, to laugh, and once, when Elsie put on her sweater. Her flat was close to Lily's, but it still took them half an hour to get there. "Do you live far away?"

"I'd answer that, but I have no idea where am I," Remus said, his head on her shoulder, hands on her waist. She laughed and he pulled back, but suddenly he froze, his smile vanished. "Where did you get that sweater?"

Elsie growled and tried to remember back. "It's uh, my brother's. I guess. Why?"

Remus' heart leapt again. The firewhiskey made him forget about everything bad for a few hours, but now, nearly out of and due to nothing, everything suddenly came back again. His hands fell off of her and he took a small step back.

"Are you alright?" She asked with a concerned face.

He could only nod. "I should go home."

"You can stay here if you want. You aren't in the state to be wandering around," Elsie suggested with a giggle, not really realizing that something seriously bothered Remus.

"No. I really… need to go."

A disappointed sigh left her mouth. "Okay, then. But be careful," she murmured and tiptoed to press a kiss on his cheek. Remus closed his eyes and tried not melt too much in her touch, but feeling her soft lips against his skin made him weak.

"Good night, Elsie," he said, turning around so quickly that by the time she realized it, he had already disappeared in the dark.


	2. Memories

Dry leaves and branches cracked under their feet as they walked deeper and deeper in the Forbidden Forest. It was around midday, so a few filtered rays of sunlight still streamed through the dense foliage, giving them enough light to see not just shapes and shadows but colours too. A loud but short shriek left Elsie's throat as she almost tripped on a long and thick broken piece of wood, but Remus's strong hands quickly caught her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, only a bit of concern between his words as he chuckled; one hand still holding her steady while he brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear with the other.

Elsie let out a short laugh. "Yes, but I'm sure one of our trips like this will kill me sooner or later."

Remus smiled and pressed a kiss on the top of her head before he said, "Not while you're with me." Elsie wrapped her hands around Remus' arms while he led her deeper in the forest where rays of sunshine can no longer peek from the canopy. There was only darkness, as if it was the middle of the night, and there were no stars or moonlight. A shiver ran down Elsie's spine, so she snuggled closer to Remus; slipping down her small hands to grasp his and holding it tight. Knowing how much Elsie felt safe with him, Remus's lips let slip a light and almost invisible smirk, one he couldn't contain even if he tried.

"Are you scared?" he asked with a smug smile, looking at her from the corner of his eyes.

"I'm not," she lied, as she always did, because even if she was with Remus, there was something unnerving about walking inside a dark forest where any kind of beast could attack them. But that was the fun of it – doing something exciting, something risky; and facing something that no matter how dangerous, they will face together. They feel the absolute trust and safety they feel whenever they are with each other.

Shortly they reached what their destination – an area with a small waterfall surrounded by high cliffs, and a tiny lake laying nearby. The perfect amount of sunlight was hitting the area so that it wasn't too bright nor too dark. They sat down in the cool grass, resting their back against a huge oak tree.

"I love this place, it's so beautiful," Elsie smiled, looking slowly around. Remus, however, couldn't take his eyes off her.

"You are beautiful," he whispered as he leaned closer, stopping when he was only an inch from her lips and making her giggle.

"That was so awfully romantic I think I just threw up in my mouth."

A short chuckle left Remus' mouth as he pressed his forehead against hers, cupping her cheeks and closing his eyes. "Okay, just laugh at me because I think you're beautiful. I don't care."

Elsie felt her skin burn under his touch as he rubbed her cheek with his thumb. Remus placed a small kiss on her jawline and murmured a quiet and soft _"_ _I love you"_ to her before he pulled her face closer and closer until there were no space between them at all.

Everything went dark, and Elsie stayed motionless, thinking hard, before she realised it was only a dream. She kept her eyes closed, hoping she could fall asleep again and continue the sweet dream – but that's never worked. She sighed, but it quickly transformed into a growl when she opened her eyes as the intense sunlight beamed through the window, burning her eyes, and reminding her she drank way too much the night before. She mentally noted to pull the dark curtains down next time as she climbed out from the bed, letting her blanket fall on the floor while she walked out. She made her way to the tiny bathroom that was in front of her room in the apartment where she lived with two of her friends – Juliet, who was with her from the start, and Lydia, who only moved in a few months ago but spends most of her time at her boyfriend's place.

Elsie removed her clothes, dropped them on the cool floor, and stepped under the streaming, almost cold water, hoping it will ease her throbbing headache somewhat. It didn't – but at least she felt much stronger and fresher when she finished. Now her sole mission was to get a coffee.

She wasn't surprised to see they had a guest as she entered the kitchen – Sirius casually leaned against the counter, half naked. Elsie's eyes grew large, and she quickly and timidly looked away; though Sirius didn't look ashamed or shy at all. "Morning," he said, raising a big mug.

She grumbled back while she sat down, massaging her temples and looking at Juliet, who was standing beside Sirius. "Make me a coffee please, before I die."

Juliet laughed and turned around, grabbing a cup from the shelf. "I wanna hear everything."

Straightening herself, Elsie pulled her hair into a ponytail while Sirius took a seat in front of her; murmuring something about how she surely must have had a great night, considering the expression she's donning.

"Sorry for disappointing you, but there isn't much to tell. I got drunk. That's all," Elsie shortly replied.

Juliet growled with her arms crossed across her chest, a smirk on her lips. "When did you come home?"

Elsie shrugged. "I swear I have no idea. I think maybe we left James and Lily's flat at around three, but it took us at least half an hour to get here."

" _We_?" Juliet asked excitedly, turning her head at the direction of Elsie's bedroom door with a smug smile. "Are you talking about the pretty boy? Is he here?"

"What pretty boy?" Sirius asked with a chuckle, trying to join the girls' conversation.

Elsie looked at Sirius and rolled her eyes while Juliet placed the coffee in front of her on the table. Elsie quickly grabbed the cup and took two big sips before she started. "He isn't here, Juliet, calm down. He left after he walked me home… he was really strange, actually," she said, frowning, as she warmed her hands up with the hot cup.

Juliet looked slightly disappointed, but her voice was cheerful. "He looked so sweet! Did you know him from somewhere?"

"But who?" Sirius asked again, louder this time, definitely offended he still hadn't got an answer.

"Remus," Elsie answered shortly, and Sirius had nothing more to say; he fell completely silent. "Anyway," Elsie started again, looking at Juliet now, "I don't know him. I mean, I know who he is, he was at Hogwarts too, but I don't remember us ever talking during our six years there." As she said this, a strange, nostalgic feeling overwhelmed her as the pictures from her dream slipped into her mind.

"Well, I can tell he likes you. It was enough to look at him last night to know. Did he ask you out? Please tell me he did," she asked hopefully, but before Elsie could give her an answer, Sirius jumped up from the chair.

"I need to go."

Juliet followed him and wrapped her hands around his neck, purring softly. "But I thought you will stay for an hour! Or two…"

Sirius smirked and pulled the girl closer by her hips. "Maybe next time, doll." He gave her a passionate kiss, but pulled back when they heard Elsie growling into her mug.

"Can't you do that… somewhere else?"

Juliet tutted but chuckled before something popped into her mind. "Don't you have a family lunch to attend to?"

"Oh, shit!" she murmured under her breath, quickly emptying her cup before she stormed away. "This is your fault, again!" Elsie shouted over her shoulder as she made a beeline for her bedroom and hastened to get ready for the family lunch.

* * *

It was long past noon when Sirius finally returned to his apartment – his plan to come back hours ago failed miserably when the blonde girl's clothes slowly fell onto the floor while he tried to take off his own. His hair was still a bit messy and his eyes tired as he collapsed on the couch, placing his legs up on the small table in front of it.

Sirius was just closing his eyes before they snapped wide open again to the sound of Remus storming out from his room and coming to a halt near him. Sirius knotted his eyebrows in confusion as he saw Remus's furious features. "Why did you bring her there last night?"

Sirius looked away and let out a short breath as he understood the reason of his friend's anger. "It's been two years. We just met, and…"

" _It's been two years!_ You say that like what she and I had was something so easy to forget!" he shouted, not even trying to control himself.

Sirius took his feet off of the table and stood up, his grey eyes filled with fury, but his voice calm. "Maybe you should've wiped out our memories too to forget her, then."

The pain that Sirius's words left were clearly visible in Remus' eyes, but Remus knew very well why his friend said that. It was not only Remus who needed to let Elsie go – it was all of their friends as well.

James and Peter supported and respected his decision, even though James tried to talk him out of it multiple times. It was Sirius, though, who took it worst; he became good friends with Elsie and hated the idea of her disappearing from their lives.

Still, it was the hardest for Lily. She even said she will tell her everything and give Elsie her memories back, she shouted and cried and even refused to talk to Remus for two solid weeks until James calmed her down.

"I almost killed her, Sirius," Remus said with a weak voice, causing Sirius to feel some empathy.

Sirius sat down at the armrest of the sofa. "I know, Moony. But you didn't. And it wasn't your fault. She shouldn't even have been there! She would have understood…"

"Stop. Don't," Remus cut him off as tears blurred his vision. They have had this conversation a million times before, but they haven't talked about this at least since a year ago. Sometimes the wounds inside him still felt fresh, hurting him with a wrecking pain; but after last night they opened up again, bleeding and burning his veins.

Sirius closed his mouth but kept looking at his friend, and he couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He could still remember that night and how they needed to rip the girl out from Remus's claws, but no matter what happened, Sirius never blamed him, not even for a split second. There was one thing he was sure now, something that he only guessed before – Remus was still in love with her.

"She remembers, you know," Remus said suddenly with raspy voice, "Not me, but she remembers the feeling of being in love." He shook his head, looking at his friend desperately. "Is that even possible?"

Sirius shrugged and looked like he got a sudden headache. "I don't know, mate. You either screwed the spell up or removing feelings isn't so easy after all."

* * *

The weekend was short as always. It passed too quickly, Elsie hardly got time to take some proper rest before they were already sitting in the classroom again, waiting for their new Creative Writing teacher. She scribbled lines and shapes down on her parchment, trying to not getting a headache from Juliet's constant rambling about Sirius. Elsie was just about to tell her that she really doesn't care about how hot Sirius looks, especially underneath her, when Lydia stormed inside and took a seat on her left side, trying to catch her breath.

"Next time check if I'm still asleep or not, would you?" she panted, trying to fix her dishevelled, dark pink locks.

"Sorry, we forgot you still live with us," Juliet said with a tiny smirk. "Had a nice weekend?"

They didn't realize the teacher had already arrived; they only did when Elsie got suspicious of the sudden silence. Elsie watched every head turn towards them while Lydia and Juliet kept talking; the professor in front of the blackboard looked at them with a blank face. Elsie elbowed her two friends, making them fall silent. "Sorry, professor," Juliet said with a kind voice.

"Oh, no! I'm sorry to interrupt your surely very important discussion. Now, if you could please turn your attention to me…" he said with a reproachful tone. He was around his late forties, but his hair was already completely grey, and Elsie wasn't sure if he can laugh or even smile. There weren't much people in this class – maybe only thirteen, so he asked everybody to tell a few things about themselves and why they chose writing. He murmured short comments under his breath after every one of them; like "boring", "stupid", or "hopeless". When the students finished, he didn't tell anything about himself except his name – Professor Pitts – before he stood up from the chair and walked up and down in the classroom, only looking at them occasionally.

"So you want to be writers. Journalists," he let out a short laugh, shaking his head. Elsie and Juliet exchanged a glance with furrowed eyebrows, not able to decide if they should laugh or cry at this man. "If you think it will be easy, you're naïve. No, you're idiots," he stopped suddenly in front of a girl with long, black hair. "You, what's your name?"

"Andrea," the girl said with a weak, almost scared voice.

"Andrea," Pitts mocked with the same tone. "Do you think you can be a writer with a name like this?"

Elsie could only see the back of the girl's head, but she could tell she was frozen. "I guess."

The professor threw a pitiful look at her before he opened the door with a wave of his wand. "If you aren't sure about yourself, just do me a favour and get the hell out of my classroom."

A short, muffled laugh escaped Juliet's throat, causing the teacher to look at her. "Do you think this is funny?"

Juliet, being herself, just kept smiling. "Actually, I think it is."

"Then you get out too," he said with ease. Elsie's heart skipped a beat, but her friend remained calm; only shrugging at the grouchy professor and replying, "No, I want to stay, I think this class will be really interesting."

He said nothing but looked mildly impressed, walking away and continuing his speech about how impossible it is to become a writer.

"Awful, that man! How can someone like him become a teacher?" Elsie asked as they hurried to their next class.

"I like him. He's such an asshole it's entertaining," Juliet laughed, a bit out of breath as they hastily jogged.

"Yeah, it was so entertaining when he said, 'bring tissues to our next class,'" Lydia said with despair on her face.

Elsie didn't tell them though, but she was seriously afraid of him. He seemed like a kind of man who could destroy her hardly built up self-confidence very easily – and she didn't need that right now.

They arrived to their next class – Writing & Reporting – soon, but before they could go inside, the teacher walked out and closed the door behind herself. "My missing students? Your classmates already left. Follow me," she said with a smile before leading them out of the school. Though in the middle of London, the campus was disguised as an old, half-collapsed theatre for muggles' eyes.

"Today's lesson will be a bit… irregular, but I believe you should see what's happening outside. No one will learn how to write a good report while they're sitting inside a classroom," said the teacher lightly as they walked the paved and busy lanes of London.

Elsie, Juliet, and Lydia followed the teacher down the streets, murmuring to each other excitedly, and guessing where they were going. "See? This is what a good teacher is like," Elsie said, but Juliet only waved her hand with a shake of her head.

It took them only five minutes of walking until they reached the narrow streets of Diagon Alley, where the rest of the class was waiting for the teacher. She introduced herself to them as Ms. Averill before making the class walk again; this time leading them to the front a dark corner. Speaking in a low voice, she said, "Before we go in, remember you can write down anything, but don't take photos. We're here because a friend of mine let us in," she waited until everyone nodded or murmured a yes before she continued. "There was an attack in the bar at the end of the street. Two people died, any they said dementors were there too – and not to catch the dark wizards," some people gasped in terror, so the professor went on quickly, "But they're gone, and aurors are already here too. No need to be afraid. Now follow me, and try to be quiet."

A mixture of excitement and fear was visible on the young witches and wizards' faces as they walked down the long street; it was empty as the aurors sent everyone away. Elsie was just starting to think about whether they will let all of them go inside the pub or not, but she soon got an answer to her question – half of the building collapsed. There were bricks and debris everywhere; and the dust and smoke that combined with the air was stifling their breathing end eyesight. Aurors walked up and down, examining the ruins and questioning the eyewitnesses. There were two covered shapes in the middle of the empty street – the two dead people, Elsie assumed. She pulled her notebook out from her bag and started writing down everything that she could – mostly just notes and short words about how the place looked, though it wasn't something that she could easily forget. She also wrote down some things that she heard from the aurors, but stopped as she saw some familiar faces nearby.

With a smile, she walked closer to Remus and waved at James and Sirius in the distance. "Hello Remus."

"Elsie! What are you doing here?" he asked, clearly surprised.

"Our teacher brought us here… to see something real, you know," she replied smiling.

Remus simply nodded. He wanted to say that they're here for the same reason, but his eyes darted up and down at her – Elsie was wearing a dress, and Remus couldn't remember ever seeing her in one. It was short and dark, ending just above her knees with floral prints. _Do you remember when I used to give you wildflowers and how your eyes gleamed every time I did? And do you remember that you always put one of them in your hair and pressed a kiss on my cheek after? Well, of course not_.

"Remus?" Elsie called his name for the second time when he finally looked up.

"S-sorry. You just look very pretty," he said with a kind of dreamy voice, like he didn't really want to say it, but he just can't hold it back either.

Elsie blushed and was just about to thank Remus, but Sirius appeared next to them. "Hello Elsie. Is Juliet here?"

She chocked back a chuckle. "Yes, she's around… somewhere over there," she said, pointing to their class. Sirius thanked her and left, trying to find the blonde girl.

Remus sighed. "We're supposed to learn here, not flirt."

Elsie narrowed her eyes and bit her lower lip, fighting the urge to say something like "Then I should go too". After all, Remus was the one who could hardly take his eyes off of her only a few minutes ago. "So… did you arrive home in one piece?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, but I suffered with a really bad headache all weekend…"

The girl growled. "Don't even mention it. Nearly the whole time, I thought I was going to die. You see, I met with my family and…" she started, but the next thing she saw made her stop. One of the two covered bodies she saw earlier, stood up with the help of two healers – he was alive, but his gaze was distant, dark and empty, his skin grey and like old leather. She shivered and without thinking about it twice, she grasped Remus's hand with both of her own, her arm pressing against his as the two healers led the old man out of the place. Elsie heard someone – probably from her class – threw up nearby. She couldn't blame them; the sight was the worst she ever saw. If that is how someone looks when their soul gets sucked out, death is truly much better.

She only realized how tightly she was gripping Remus's hand when other people's voice started to fill the street again. She let his hand go and looked up at him apologetically. "Sorry."

"It's okay – are you alright?"

She gulped and nodded. "I guess I am. It wasn't a nice sight."

Remus kept his eyes on her with an aching heart – the feeling of her clinging on him was awfully familiar. It reminded him of the days when they walked inside the Forbidden Forest and how she always grasped his hand a bit too hard, even if she never admitted she was afraid.

A short, paunchy man suddenly appeared in front of them; eating a small bowl of French fries with so much ketchup it was disgusting while waving another batch of what seemed like trainee writers to himself. Elsie furrowed her eyebrows, thinking about how somehow could possibly eat after seeing something similar to what the man was eating.

"Alright. You all saw what happened. I want you to write a report…" he stopped with a mouthful of fries and looked at Elsie. "You aren't in my class young lady, are you?"

"No, I'm sorry," she answered shortly and quickly hurried away, finding her way back to her friends. Ms Averill told them every extra information she heard from the aurors and gave them a homework: write a 500-word report of today's event. Since that was their last class, they didn't go back to school – and no one minded it, as they were in enough shock as it is for one day.

Elsie just said goodbye to Lydia – who probably went to visit her boyfriend – when Juliet stopped next to her. "See you later, honey. I'll go with Sirius."

"Are you kidding me?"

The blond girl looked at her questioningly. "What? After this day I really need some… emotional support." She winked at her and Elsie rolled her eyes before they started to walk out from the deserted street. They saw Sirius waiting in front of a bookshop with Remus by his side. Juliet looked at her friend smugly, but for once, she said nothing. She left with Sirius, and for an awkward moment Elsie and Remus looked at each other. Elsie involuntarily blushed as her dream slipped into her mind again. It was like dreaming about someone and being unable to stop thinking about them for weeks, but why did that dream feel so damn real? The tall boy smiled at her kindly, but looked concerned too.

"Are you feeling better?"

She thought back to the man – who she learned was the bartender – with eyes like an empty shell. She said yes, but her face suddenly went pale and betrayed her.

"You should eat some chocolate. Here…" he said, searching for one in his pocket, but only able pull an empty package out. "Oh… I forgot I ran out of it."

Elsie chuckled softly and skeptically. "Would it really help?"

"Yes. Didn't you know? Chocolate is the best against dementors too. After a good patronus charm, of course."

"No, I didn't know," she said with a short laugh. "Maybe, uh… join me for a hot chocolate at Fortescue's, then?" she asked, a blush flooding her cheeks again.

"Oh. Well…" Remus started, his face going straight. "I still have one more class today…"

But Elsie rolled her eyes and grabbed his forearm, pulling him to herself. "Sirius skipped too. And one missed class won't be the end of the world, Remus."

He followed her because saying no was much harder than he thought it would be. Remus knew that wasn't the right thing – he should leave her alone and they should continue their lives without each other. On the other hand, her sweet laugh, her radiant smile, and her small hands that were wrapped around his arm like they used to so many times before… it all made him lose his composure completely.

They walked to the shop, and stood before the counter, ordering two hot chocolates. Remus bowed his head and smiled to himself as he heard the question even before the words left Elsie's lips – Florean had just placed two mugs of hot chocolate in front of them. "Can I get some whipped cream on top of it?" Elsie asked.

Remus cleared his throat and looked away, chocking back a laugh while Elsie got what she ordered. They grabbed their mugs and walked outside, taking seats in front of each other at a small table. "Thank you for not commenting about it."

"About what?"

She took a sip and wiped the cream off from her lips. "Usually, other people thinks it's strange or even disgusting, drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream when it's already sweet enough."

Remus thought back on a late night when they were in the kitchen and how Elsie's eyes lightened up after he put some cream on his own cocoa, seeing she wasn't the only weirdo there. An invisible hand gripped his heart with a throbbing pain – deep down he wished she could remember all those small things, he wished she would sit closer to him, he wished he could hold her soft hands and kiss her lips. He shook his head and tried to wipe these thoughts away.

"How was your day?" he asked the first thing he could think of.

"Not so good so far. I met with our new creative writing teacher… he's terrible, and constantly tries to convince us we're all hopeless."

Remus huffed angrily. "I don't understand people like him. If I ever become a teacher, I'll motivate my students."

Elsie smiled. "I think you'd be a really good teacher, actually!"

"I don't think so," he replied, shaking his head.

"Why? As far I know, you're smart, you're really kind and patient… but funny too." She stopped and let out a short laugh. "I remember one time – I was in my fourth year I guess – I sneaked out into the kitchens in the middle of the night, and you were patrolling the corridors, and when you saw me I was all frightened but you just smiled and said, 'Next time bring some waffles for me too', and walked away."

Remus knew he only wiped her memories about him after they started to talk, but he was still surprised she remembered this.

Time went fast as they talked four hours. Elsie couldn't remember when she last met someone she could talk to so easily – maybe never before. Remus walked her home again, and Elsie couldn't hold back the question that burned her tongue.

"So I thought… can we meet sometimes? I mean, not at crime scenes and parties while we're both drunk," she joked, trying to hide her embarrassment.

Remus ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know. I'm not sure that's a good idea."

His answer surprised her, but she didn't want to give up so easily. "Why? Do you have a jealous girlfriend who'd kill me if she ever sees you with me?"

He laughed. "No. No, I don't have a girlfriend."

"Then what's the problem? Because I don't think you don't like me…"

"Of course, I really like you." _Oh, if you only know…_

Elsie nodded and stepped closer. "Then no excuses. See you later. You know where I live now, so…" she laughed and he laughed with her. As a goodbye, she hugged him, and Remus could hardly let her pull away when they did.

"See you, then," he said, walking away with a smile that he couldn't wipe off of his face.


	3. Elizabeth

Elsie thought a lot about Remus in the past few weeks. Since the attack at Diagon Alley they only met accidentally, but then they always stopped for long talks. Still she wished Remus would stay longer, or directly search for her – but he never did. She started to convince herself maybe she only misunderstood him, but whenever they bumped into each other she could the complete opposite on him. The way he talked to her, even the way he looked at her – it wasn't neutral, it was more, at least Elsie wanted so much for it to be more…

"What are you thinking about so hard?" – Juliet asked suddenly with a smug smile as they were sitting at the kitchen table, eating their breakfast. -– "Or… who?"

"Nothing," – Elsie lied, avoiding her friend's gaze and looking through the window.

"You think a lot about nothing lately, don't you think? I don't blame you though, he's really cute," – she replied with a chuckle, but continued quickly. – "Honestly, just look at the poor boy. He's all so awkward and lost when he sees you. He's so into you."

Elsie blushed, but decided to change the subject as she looked back at her friend. "And what about you and Sirius?"

Juliet shrugged with a smile, chewing on her porridge. "We're cool."

Elsie narrowed her eyes, trying to understand Juliet – even after a year, sometimes it was still hard to understand her. "What do you mean? You're practically dating," – She said, and it was true; lately Juliet and Sirius spent most of their free time together. At first only between the walls of their bedrooms, but recently they'd go out together, and Juliet showed a lot of Muggle places to him.

She put her spoon down and shook her head. "See? This is your problem. You categorize everything! We aren't dating, we aren't together. We're just… live."

Elsie shut her mouth, but still wasn't sure she'd ever be able to understand her friend's way of life. Before she could start to think about it too much, someone knocked on the door; she looked questioningly at Juliet, who only shrugged. It was Saturday morning, and they definitely didn't expect any guest.

"Eddy?" – Elsie smiled as she saw her brother at the doorstep. Edward wasn't much taller than her, he had the same brown hair and the same deep blue eyes – their features were very similar. But while Elsie was always more of an introvert, her brother used to be among the most popular students in his Hogwarts years. He was modest, kind, and helpful – probably that was why so many people loved him. – "What are you doing here?" – She asked, as it was still surprising to see him so randomly. Since he left Hogwarts he was a busy man – he either had a lot of work or spent his free time with his fiancée, Lisa.

"Can't I just visit my little sister?" – He asked, ruffling up her hair while they walked inside the house. – "Hello, Juliet."

"Hi Eddy. Want some tea?"

It was good to see for the first time that the blonde girl didn't start to drool over him; Elsie mentally noted she should say thanks to Sirius for that while they took their seats in the living room. They talked about school and work but it was obvious that Eddy had something to say; he constantly fiddling with something and his legs didn't stop even for a second.

"And how's Lisa?" – Elsie asked, still suspiciously because of his brother's behaviour.

"Good, she's really good. Actually, I came here because I wanted to say something about her. About us," – He said lowly with a small smile, causing Juliet to almost jump up.

"Oh my God, is she pregnant?"

Elsie's eyes widened, but Eddy quickly answered. "What? No! Juliet, calm down," – he waved, knowing his sister's friend very well by now. – "We're getting married."

Elsie exchanged a short glance with Juliet before she looked back at her brother with raised eyebrows. "Yes, Eddy, I've known that for like… two years."

"No," – he laughed, "I mean, it's settled now. We have a date too, march 21th."

"Are you sure? Because I've heard that a couple times by now," – Elsie replied, half-jokingly. Since the engagement they wanted to get married several times, but there was always something that made them call off the wedding. First their parents' divorce, which had a huge influence on Elsie's whole family. As Eddy worked as a charmbreaker and Lisa was a Quidditch player, they both needed to travel a lot – it wasn't easy to find the perfect date, and if they did, it never worked at the end.

"I'm sure. We both agreed on from now on our relationship will be more important than our work."

Elsie smiled softy; she knew how her brother and his fiancée loved each other, and she was glad that not even their parents' divorce influenced their decision about getting married.

"I also wanted to ask if you still want to bring someone," – Eddy asked causing Elsie to furrow her eyebrows in confusion, and Juliet to look at her – very curiously.

"Is there anything I don't know about?" – The blonde asked with a tiny, smug smile.

Elsie sighed. "Juliet, you don't know the meaning of "privacy". You know everything about me. Calm down," – She turned her towards her brother to continue, "So what are you talking about?"

Edward leaned forward and started to explain, "Well, when we planned the first wedding I visited you at Hogwarts. You asked me if you could bring someone but we didn't get any more time to talk as you needed to go for a class and I had to hurry too."

"I don't remember," – she replied, eyes widened.

With a shrug, Eddy stood up from the couch. "It was a long time ago. So will you come alone now?"

"No, she won't!" – Juliet said immediately.

"Yes, I will!" – Elsie yelled back, looking angrily at her friend.

But Juliet watched Eddy with narrowed eyes and with a smirk, saying, "Save that seat, she will bring someone."

Eddy rolled his eyes and sighed, looking at his watch. "Okay, you still have a couple months to decide. I have to go," – he said before they said their goodbyes and he Disapparated with a loud crack.

Then Elsie crossed her arms across her chest and looked at Juliet. "I won't invite Remus."

"But why?" – Juliet asked with whiny voice. – "Even I couldn't say no for a date like that! Free drinks, free food, a cute guy by your side – what else do you want?"

With a sigh, Elsie collapsed on the couch. "Peace and quiet, you know, things I don't have since you live with me."

"Very funny," – Juliet replied with a casual tone, joining to her friend on the couch, leaning closer to her. – "Just imagine his face when he will see you in one of my hot dress. He'll end up in your bed for sure."

Elsie laughed but let out a loud and tired moan too. "Juliet! No! And I'm not going to wear any of your dresses."

"Do you have any problems with my dresses?" – Juliet asked, offended.

"I don't! They're just too long for my short legs, too slutty, and definitely too small for my boobs," – She laughed, causing her friend to hit her on her shoulder before crossed her arms.

"Okay, first of all, that was rude," – She huffed. – "But I don't care what you are saying; you will go with him," – She finished with a proud smile, causing Elsie to huff and fell in silence. Juliet couldn't ignore the expression on her friend's face – she wasn't angry at her because she tried to push her into it; she looked said. "Elsie, what's wrong?"

She stared the floor and shrugged before answered, "Maybe he wouldn't even want to go out with me."

"Seriously? Have you seen how he looked at you every time you met?"

Elsie growled. "Yeah, but he never asked me out! It feels like he's trying to avoid me."

"Oh, come on," – Juliet started with an eye roll. "Guys are much simpler than that. He's probably just been busy lately," – she said, and before Elsie could argue with her, she grabbed her forearm and dragged her up from the couch. "Now you'll come with me."

* * *

"I really don't want to do this," – Elsie groaned once they were in the building where Sirius and Remus lived. She considered running away several times, but Juliet her arm tightly.

"Yes, you do," – She grinned as she knocked at the door, causing her friend to sigh.

"Sure, because you know what I want, better than me, right?" – She rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall. From the moment they met, Juliet pushed Elsie through her boundaries nearly every single day – one part of her was thankful for her because of it, other part of her still grumpy sometimes.

"Yeah, of course, I'm your best friend!" – Juliet said with a shake of her head, right before the door opened, revealing the surprised looking Sirius.

"Hello, girls," – He said with narrowed eyes, stepping aside to give them space to walk in as Juliet dragged Elsie inside. – "What are you doing here?"

"Elsie wanted to meet with Remus so I thought I come with her," – she said with ease, and as Elsie wanted to protest, Juliet quickly continued. – "And we can go somewhere, don't you think, Sirius?"

Sirius bit back a smirk. "Yeah, we should go," – he gushed, and grabbed his leather jacket from the hanger. "Remus is in the kitchen, see you later!"

"Juliet, no, please, don't, just stay…" – she tried to protest, ask plead, but they left, acting like they haven't even heard her.

Elsie crossed her arms across her chest and stared the door angrily. She didn't understand why they were so stubborn about it, but on the other hand… nothing and no one could stop her now from leaving. But she wanted to stay, she wanted to meet Remus, even if she wouldn't ask him to the wedding. After a defeated sigh, she slowly made her way inside the flat; she just reached the small, dark living room when Remus stepped out from the kitchen with a mug between his hands. "Elsie? What… when did you… I haven't…" – he stammered, so she cut him off.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to seem like a burglar or something," – she chuckled, narrowing her eyes as she could hardly see anything; all the windows were closed and the curtains pulled off. – "I came with Juliet but she left with Sirius. And I thought I say hello since I'm already here, but if you want me to leave…"

"No, it's okay, you can stay," – he answered, and Elsie just realized how weak his voice was. He cleared his throat and started to walk in the kitchen. "Would you like some tea? Coffee?"

"No, thank you, I just had a tea with my brother," – she said while she followed Remus inside the kitchen, but stopped dead when Remus turned around; he looked exhausted, like someone who hasn't slept in weeks. "Are you okay?"

He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, I'm fine."

It was such an obvious lie Elise acted like she hasn't even heard it; she stepped closer, and before could've leaned back, she pressed the back of her hand against his cheek. "You're burning!" – She almost yelled, now cupping his face with both of her hands.

But he shook his head and took her hands away from his face. "I'm fine," he repeated.

"No, you aren't!" – She argued, her eyebrows knotted in worry. – "You should go to St. Mungo's! Or do you want me to bring a Healer here? Or…"

"Listen," – Remus started with a small smile, taking both of her small hands between his. – "I swear I'm fine. Or I will be. I don't need Healers, okay?"

She still look at him in concern, her eyes burning in his, but if he didn't want any help, she couldn't force him to go anywhere. "Okay," – she said finally, and he let her hands go. "But let me stay here and take care of you."

"There's no need for that," – he answered almost timidly, and somehow it just gave more confidence to Elsie.

"You won't say that ever again after you taste my soup," – she smiled. – "Go to bed, I'll join you soon. I mean, not in your bed! Just… you know," – she turned away to hide her blush.

Remus chuckled before walked out and inside his room; he collapsed on his bed and draped two blankets over himself. It was the day of full moon – no wonder why he felt himself so miserable. It wasn't always like this hard, but even since he woke up, he constantly felt as all of his bones were in fire. He knew he's going to have a tough night.

But having Elsie here with him eased somehow in his pain. Or maybe it was just so nice to see her and talk with her that everything else was only secondary, even his physical pain. Suddenly it was like years ago again, when he tried to keep his lycanthropy in secret from her – he wasn't successful, of course. Elsie was a smart girl, and figured it out soon.

 _He remembered back on that day when he was lying in a bed in the Hospital Wing, exhausted, with two broken ribs and several bruises and wounds. He'd slept through most of the day, only the pain woke him up from time to time. It was almost completely dark outside when he opened his eyes again; the dormitory was silent and dimly lit, but his eyes found her immediately as she was sitting in a chair next to his bed, reading a book._

 _"_ _What are you doing here?" – Was Remus' first question; his voice wasn't friendly but scared._

 _Elsie snapped her head up and closed the book, smiling at Remus who slowly sat up on the bed with a low growl. "I brought you some chocolate. It's Honeydukes' best and my last piece, so you owe me a lot," – She joked, but Remus' face was straight. She stood up and sat down at the edge of his bed, close to him while he leaned back against the headboard with another painful groan. "I know you're a werewolf, Remus," – She almost whispered, though there was only another kid in there, sleeping fast. – "And I really don't care."_

 _"_ _Aren't you scared of me?" – he mumbled, causing Elsie to let out a low chuckle._

 _"_ _Afraid of you?! You're the nicest person I've ever met. I'm sure you could never hurt anyone."_

 _Remus smiled at her weakly; he wanted to believe that he could never hurt anyone, he wanted to believe it so hard, despite of the unstoppable anger that he felt sometimes under his own skin._

 _"_ _This is why you tried to shut me out?" – She asked, and Remus nodded in answer. – "Don't. I don't think any less of you."_

 _"_ _I know," – He smiled and cupped her cheek, bringing her face closer for a short, soft kiss._

Just as any other memory, the memory of their first kiss was just as bittersweet as the others.

"No offense, but… how do you live here? Do you even eat here?" – He heard her voice suddenly, muffled from the kitchen. She didn't wait for an answer, she just went on. – "There are like, two bowls and a plate. And why don't you have salt? Are you kidding me? There's an entire counter full of chocolate and candies? Merlin…" she laughed, causing Remus weakly chuckled into his pillow. He didn't respond, he was just happy to hear every bit of her sweet voice.

Not much time passed when Elsie already returned with a bowl full of hot, steaming soup in her hands. "It isn't the best soup of my life, but I have to make it from nothing, so…"

Remus sat up as quickly as he could, trying to act like he wasn't a complete mess. She carefully sat down at the edge of his bed, watching him in silence.

"This is really good!" – Remus said honestly and even with a bit of surprise in his voice. She smiled down at him, but said nothing as her eyes wandered on his bare arms, as he rolled up his sleeves earlier. She fought and internal battle with herself about whether if she should ask him or not about those deep scars on his skin. As she decided she won't, she looked away – she didn't want to seem rude or indiscreet. But she couldn't ignore what she saw – on his skin, on his face; she knew it's something that she should knew. Something that was on the tip of her tongue, but couldn't remember it no matter how hard she tried. The more she was thinking about it, the more the thought slipped away from her.

In the attempt to distract her mind, she stood up and looked around in his room. It was small with a huge bed which looked invitingly comfortable, there was a lot of books around – at the bookshelves, piles on the ground, in his desk… but he also had a lot of vinyl.

"You have quite a collection here," – she said, leaning above a long box. "You must really love music." – With a few exceptions, they were all bands that Elsie has never heard about before.

"Yeah, I do. What about you?" – He asked, trying to seem polite, though he already knew the answer.

"Me too. Pink Floyd!" – She yelled, pulling out the record. "I love them."

Remus finished his soup and placed the bowl down on the nightstand, now watching her in silence. "Nothing from The Beatles?" – She asked, looking over her shoulder.

Remus smiled and shook his head, "I don't really like them." – Since Elsie looked at him with a smaller shock on her face, he added quickly, "What? Is that so surprising?"

She shrugged and stood up, facing with him. "I just thought everybody likes them. And you seemed like a type to me who love Beatles."

He slowly crawled out from the bed and walked closer to her, pulling a vinyl out from the box, "Listen to them instead. They're really good."

"The Cure?" – She read it out loud. – "Never heard of them."

"They're quite new I guess. Let me show you," – he said in a sleepy voice, walking closer to his enchanted record player, but almost fell onto his desk.

Elsie quickly hurried closer. "Okay, just go back to your bed, alright?" – She said, wrapping his hands around his arm and leading him towards his bed. He lied down and she draped the blankets over him, sitting next to the boy. "Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"

He nodded shortly. "I'll be fine."

She put her hand on his face and stroked his cheek with her thumb while he kept his eyes closed. They spent hours with listening music and only talking occasionally; Elsie didn't want to leave him alone in a condition like this. But as the night came closer and closer – though it was only early afternoon – the pain just became more unbearable. One could think if you spend your life with a pain like this every month, you can get used to it, but it wasn't true. It was new every time – sometimes a little less and sometimes a little more. Now he reached a state when his mind wasn't exactly clear anymore; just like when you have a high fever. "I'm happy you're here, Elizabeth. I really am, but you should go," – he mumbled to the girl who sat next to him with her back against the wall. – "I don't want you to… get sick too."

She let out a short breath. "I can't believe you just called me on my full name."

"You don't like it," – he said with a smile – it wasn't a question. – "I think it's a nice name. But I said…"

"I know what you said," – she cut him off. – "But I'll stay," – she finished and lied down next to him; their faces close to each other. – "And don't call me Elizabeth again," – she added with a huffish voice, causing Remus to chuckle and open his eyes.

He remembered clearly – she never told him this before. Remus always called her Elizabeth when they were alone, and she never minded it. As he looked into her dark blue eyes, he thought about a million things to say to her, but he couldn't. This was the first time when he deeply regretted that he Obliviated her, even if he knew that was the right thing to do.

"Are you in pain?" – She asked in a low voice. – "What hurts?"

Everything, he thought. "Uh… my head."

"Do you need anything?" – She whispered, lightly brushing her fingers through his hair.

He shook his head and closed his eyes again. "No, I don't." – He reached his hand out and grasped Elsie's, gently stroking her soft skin on the back of his hand with his thumb. It was a small contact, but it somehow still made her heart throbbing loudly in her ears; his touch sent a light shiver down under her spine. There was an overwhelming feelings rushing over her again – but again, it was quick and vanished before she could've think too much about it.

Remus didn't realize when he dozed off. It was ten minutes or hours ago, he couldn't decide; he was roused by the sound as someone slammed the front door shut – Sirius, no doubt. The second thing he was noticed that he was holding a hand.

He smiled for a second, seeing Elsie sleeping sweetly next to him – but then his face fell, realizing from the lack of light that it must be late afternoon. As much as his aching body let him, he sat up on his bed and gently shook her by her shoulder, calling her name in a low voice.

When Elsie opened her eyes, she suddenly couldn't decide where she was for a second or two, until she looked up into the friendly chocolate brown eyes. She slowly sat up too, rubbing her eyes and letting out those little sleepy whines that Remus used to love so much. "Sorry, I didn't think I'd fall asleep."

"It's okay, but you should go now," – he said quickly, though he didn't want to sound rude, there wasn't much time left.

Elsie frowned. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to leave you alone when you're feeling yourself like this."

"I'm much better," – he started and stood up from the bed, collecting all of his remaining strength to look like he was fine. "Lily invited us for dinner so we have to go soon," – he said the first lie he could think about.

With a sceptical expression on her face, Elsie stood up to. "You should be in bed, don't you think?"

"No," – Remus said, shaking his head and opening the door of his room. "No, I'm really fine."

Elsie walked out and through the flat without a word; she only heard muffled cling and clang of cutlery. Remus thought about letting her go without saying goodbye, but thinking about how rude he must've sounded he hurried after her soon. She just finished taking on her shoes when he stopped in front of her. "Thank you for everything," – he started, and Elsie just stared back at him with a bit of surprise. "Listen, I'd really like you to stay, but I need to go. I promised…"

"It's okay," – she waved, and was about to tell him something like "I just don't like when people lie to me" when they heard Sirius' voice a moment before he appeared in front of them.

"Remus, James is already waiting for us!" – He said with a tired voice, but his eyes widened when he saw the girl. "Oh, I… didn't know you're still here."

"I was just about to leave," – she smiled, with a bit of relief. Maybe he didn't lie after all.

Sirius said goodbye to Elsie and murmured a "hurry up" to Remus before he left them alone. Remus opened the front door to her, she stepped out, but turned her face to him one more time. The question escaped her mouth before she could stop herself. "Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not!" – Remus said with so much honest, even though he knew very well he was ignoring her. "I just… I have a lot of things to do lately," – he added quickly, making Elsie chuckling.

"Yeah, this is exactly what Juliet said," – she rolled her eyes. "She said I was overreacting and you're just being busy."

Remus smiled. "Maybe you should listen to her sometimes."

"I do," – she laughed softly, and thinking about Juliet her remember another things. "Listen, my brother's going to get married. And for some mad reason I said to him years ago I'd like to bring someone. So I just thought," – she stopped and gulped, biting back the urge to say "Juliet thought", - "Maybe you could come with me. If you want to."

"Of course," – Remus said too quickly, because he could really think about it. But Elsie's eyes lit up and it made his heart so happy he couldn't bring himself to suddenly change his mind.

"Great," – she smiled. "We'll talk about the details later, then."

They hugged each other Elsie walked away with a huge grin on her face, but waited until she get out into the fresh air before she Disapparated with a loud crack.

She was surprised she could arrive home in one piece and not back in Remus' room as all of her thoughts were still around the boy. She went to the kitchen for a big glass of cold water; she wasn't even mad to see the mess in room that Juliet left. She murmured a cleaning spell and waved her wand as her friend stepped in with freshly washed hair.

"Someone had a good day, I see?"

"Yeah, I had," – Elsie said with a content smile. "And you?"

Juliet grabbed two butterbeers from them before she shrugged. "Sort of. We went to the theatre but had to leave after fifteen minutes because Sirius couldn't shut his mouth," – she rolled her eyes and took a sip. "He was freaked out because he couldn't understand how the pictures can moving and talking without magic."

Elsie laughed with the bottle in her hand, but her mind was still war away. As Juliet stepped closer, she tilted her head on the right and narrowed her eyes, "Why your make up is smeared?"

"Oh," – Elsie said as she realized she probably looked like sleepy raccoon. "I fell asleep."

The blonde girl raised her eyebrows. "You were at a boy's place and you fell asleep? There is only one reason when this is acceptable," – she smiled smugly.

"I haven't slept with him, Juliet. Can you calm down for once when we're talking about boys?" – Elsie asked, taking a long sip from her butterbeer.

"Well, no, I can't," – she replied as it was the most natural thing in the world. "Did you ask him about the wedding?"

As her self-control left her again, Elsie started to smile and nodded. "He said yes."

"Of course he said yes!" – Juliet yelled, raising his bottle up in the air. "I said he's totally into you."

Elsie rolled her eyes, but couldn't hide her smile anymore. Her feelings for Remus came suddenly, out of nowhere, hitting her like a thunderstruck, and now they didn't let her. She would've never thought he could feel so much for someone so quickly.

"I wish I could stay with him a little longer, but Lily and James invited them for dinner."

"What?" – Juliet asked, almost choked on her drink. "What dinner?"

Elsie frowned at her friend; she thought at this point Sirius tells her everything about his life. "I don't know, just a dinner? They invited him and Sirius too."

Juliet quickly drink the remained butterbeer and threw the empty bottle into the dustbin. "Well, he said to me they were going out with James. Some boys' night out or something," – she said with an offended voice, her eyes darting around the room as she was thinking.

Elsie furrowed her eyebrows; she couldn't see why they would lie. But the little voice on the back of her mind screamed again – not so long ago she was completely convinced that Remus was ignoring her on purpose. "Probably we just misunderstood something," – she said, but her voice wasn't so convincing.

Juliet let out a short laugh. "Probably not," – she stormed out from the kitchen; her hair already almost completely dry as she walked towards the living room.

Elsie hurried after her. "Where are you going?"

"Listen," – she started angrily. "I don't care about any of the shit reasons boys dump me, but I hate when someone lies to me while they act they're my friend. I'm going to talk to him now."

With tired groan, Elsie said, "Can't it wait? They probably left anyway. It's already dark outside."

"No, it can't wait. And you're coming with me," – Juliet yelled before she grabbed her friend's forearm, not allowing her time to protest. She Disapparated from their house, finding themselves in the staircase in front of Remus and Sirius' flat.

"Are you mad?" – Elsie shouted, out of breath. "I have to vomit," – she added. Apparating without any preparation was never easy.

"Do it, here's their doormat," – Juliet said with ease before she started to knocking at the door.

After minutes of banging against the wood while Elsie pleaded her to stop, Juliet pointed her wand on the lock, but before she could say the spell, Elsie grabbed her snapped her hand away. "You're crazy! They're surely not home and you want to break in!"

Juliet let out a loud sigh and leaned against the wall with her back, tilting her head back. It wasn't usual for Elsie to get seriously mad at her, but it was one of those times. "I can't even believe you're doing this! Why is that so important to you? You, who doesn't give a fuck about anything in general?"

Every bit of joy disappeared from Juliet's face that usually was there as she looked at her friend. Her eyes were angry, but her voice low as she started to talk. "You now, back at Ilvermorny, boys treated me like shit. Friends and boyfriends – it doesn't matter. No one really respected me. And girls?" – She chuckled painfully. – "I never had girl friends. They were always mean. Never said it to my eyes though, just talked behind my back and I had to act like for seven years I didn't give a shit. No one cared I did. No one ever feels sorry for the popular girls, right?" – She stopped to take a deep breath, and Elsie opened her mouth to say something, but she quickly went on. – "It doesn't matter now, I got over it. I started to really not care about what other people think about me. And here in London I finally got some true friends – but you know, I'm still fucking scared sometimes I'll lose you. So this is why that is so important to me, Elsie," – she said after she cleared her throat as her voice suddenly went hoarse. "I don't care if someone doesn't want to be my friend, or more; I just want people to treat me with as much respect I treat them. Which includes telling the truth."

Elsie felt ashamed. She knew Juliet was popular – she used to say – but she always thought she was also well liked with a lot of friends. She never thought, and never asked more about it. "I'm sorry," – she managed to whisper, as she didn't really know what she should say.

"It isn't your fault," she shook her head and straightened up, crossing her arms across her chest. – "I just don't like to waste my time on people who treat me like a toy."

Stepping closer, Elsie wrapped her arm around Juliet's shoulder. "Let's go home and have some butterbeer, yeah? And tomorrow we will kick Sirius' ass."

"Some firewhiskey, and I'm okay with that plan," – she chuckled finally before gave her friend a bone crushing hug. They took a long walk back into their flat, talking about everything but boys.


	4. Furry Little Problem

Elsie woke up to the sound of her enchanted alarm clock beeping and screeching, running around in the room on its two tiny legs. "Oh, just shut up," she grumbled into her mattress, before she sat up and threw the pillow at the little device.

After that, it only screamed even louder, continuing its job, trying to get the girl out of her bed. With another growl, Elsie rolled out of her bed, walking towards the door and throwing a last, hateful glance at her clock as it jumped back at the nightstand and fell in silence.

Juliet was sitting at the kitchen counter, drinking coffee and reading the Daily Prophet which was levitated in front of her, but peeked from behind it as she heard the approaching footsteps. "Morning," she said in a cheerful tone, waving her wand to make a coffee for her friend. Her behaviour surprised Elsie; it seemed all of her anger vanished from yesterday.

"How is that you haven't got a hangover?" she asked, leaning against the counter. They spent their night with drinking every bit of alcohol they could find at home, talking about how much they love each other, how every other people are sucks, and a lot of other thing that none of them could really recall by now.

"You know I hardly ever get a hangover," Juliet started, slipping down from the tops and folding up the newspaper. "And I needed to get myself together, I've got some things to do."

Elsie bit her lip and turned her head away from Juliet, grabbing her mug which was floating near to her. "So… do you still want to talk with Sirius?"

Juliet frowned. "Yeah, and I'm going to! Why, did you think I'll just let him get away with this?"

"No, I'm just saying… maybe we misunderstood something. I mean, why would he lied about that?"

"That is exactly what I'm going to find out," she explained, turning to leave.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Elsie asked grudgingly.

The blonde girl shook her head as she turned back for a second. "No, just go to your classes. I want to talk to him in private anyway," she said with a small, forced smile before took her shoes and jacket on and Disapparated from the house.

Elsie cast a few spells to clean their always messy kitchen – always, when Juliet woke up first – before she had a shower, put on some fresh clothes, picked her bag up and left the flat too, walking in the cool autumn weather. Her head was still aching a bit from the alcohol and sleep deprivation, but it was nearly nothing compared to the puzzlement she felt.

It bothered her too, not knowing who lied, Remus or Sirius. Because it wasn't even a question that one of them definitely did – the only question was which one of them and why.

And it seemed pointless, too. If they went to Lily's, why couldn't Sirius tell that to Juliet, and if they just went out to drink, why Remus couldn't tell that to Elsie? It seemed stupid, and she started to believe that they definitely just misunderstood each other. But even if they did, it wasn't easy to let go of that little missing part from the story, and the more she thought about it, the more her headache hardened. By the time she reached the walls of the school she wished she hadn't even left the house.

She plopped down on her usual seat at Mr. Pitts' class, immediately letting her head fall on the table. The loud, mixed talks around her just made her consider even harder that she should just Disapparate from the room, but another voice made her to rise her head up again.

"Tough night?" Lydia asked, her hair dyed royal blue now, taking her things out from her bag. "Juliet?"

"Tough night," Elsie answered shortly, searching for her textbook and pen. Lydia just shook her head with a smile and straightened herself when the professor arrived into the classroom. Without saying anything, he walked around the room and handed essays back to the students.

Elsie's face fell when she saw her own paper. Maybe because she hadn't slept much, or maybe because she was in a bad mood anyway, but she couldn't just swallow it when she saw the "A" in the parchment. "Are you kidding me?"

Pitts turned back slowly, raising an eyebrow. "Is there a problem?"

"Yes, there is. Acceptable, really? I worked a lot on this!"

"Do you think you'd deserve a better grade, then?" Pitts asked with a tiny smirk, walking closer back to Elsie's desk.

"Of course I deserve better! This is easily one of the best pieces I've ever written – and you give me a fucking A?" she asked loudly, standing up while every head turned towards them with loud gasps and shocked laughs. "You know what, I don't even care about class anymore! Nothing is good enough for you, is it? I could be the next Hemingway and you'd still say my work is garbage. I like this writing, and I don't care about your opinion," she finished and picked her bag up, but before she could leave, the professor snatched the paper out from her hand and scribbled down something. When he gave it back to her, the A disappeared, and an O was standing in its place.

"Sit down," he said, continuing his walk. Elsie slowly took her seat, though she couldn't understand the situation at all. Lydia leaned closer, looking at her friend's paper.

"He never gave an O to anyone before!" she gasped, talking with whispers. "Merlin, what the hell was that, Elsie?" she chuckled. "I've never seen you like this! I can't believe Juliet missed it."

Elsie just shrugged, half happy about her grade, half confused about why she got this after talked with a teacher like that. After Pitts dismissed the class, she stopped in front of his desk, but didn't really know how she should ask what she wanted to ask. Pitts packed a lot of papers into his suitcase and waited before most of the students left the room before he slowly looked up the girl.

"You want to know why I gave you an Outstanding, yes?" he asked, and as she nodded in answer, the professor went on. "Because that was exactly what I wanted. Well, not shouting at me in front of my whole class, but in a way, I want this from all of my students," he started, going around the desk and standing in front of Elsie. "Be a writer, or a journalist, you will get critics every single day. Some of them will be true, more of them will be not. Do you think I am cruel? Publish something and wait people to start criticize you. All of you will become little crying babies and give up long before you could reach anything."

She listened him carefully. He had a harsh style indeed, and Elsie wasn't sure that kind of teaching method was good for everyone. "But how could I grow, how could I become better when every time you read my work, you just criticize everything? You tell us was what was bad, never what was good."

"I give you a very simple answer. You shouldn't give a fuck," he said with raised eyebrows, causing Elsie to snort skeptically. "You don't believe me; I understand. I wasn't like that when I was your age either. But let me tell you, writing is something that you should do for yourself, in the first place. You don't write for other people – you write, you create because this is something you love to do. And why the fuck should I let other people tell me how to do what I love to do the most?" he said without hardly taking a breath. "You're a good writer, I can tell you that. But you need to work on your self-confidence. Don't try to impress everybody, you can never do. Impress yourself."

Leaving Elsie speechless, he walked out from the room with a smile. The students from the next class had already started to fill the place, so Elsie left too. By now her headache was nearly unbearable, so she decided to go home instead and skip the rest of her day.

The moment she arrived to the empty house, she dropped herself onto the couch in the living room, pulled a soft blanket on herself, and fell asleep within a few minutes.

* * *

Not a long time ago Juliet arrived to Sirius' flat, knocking loudly on the door for a long minute before he finally opened it. Judging by the look on his face and his lack of clothes, he just woke up, and definitely hadn't slept much. Juliet just smiled at him sweetly, while he looked completely confused. "Hello, uhm, what are you doing here?"

"I was just in the neighbourhood and I thought I come in for a little talk, may I?" she asked, not waiting for his permission as she was already walking inside. She stopped in the middle of the living room with crossed arms across her chest, still smiling. "Did you have fun last night?"

Sirius' eyes widened; for a long moment he didn't know what Juliet was referring to. "Oh! Yes, sure… Remus is still fast asleep and actually I'm uh, really tired, hangover, you know, so much firewhi…"

"Cut the crap, Sirius" she cut him off; her green eyes angry in a way Sirius had never seen before. "Next time maybe you should talk to your friend before you lie about your whereabouts."

Sirius swallowed hard before started to talk in a low voice, "Juliet, listen. It isn't what you think it is."

"Oh, then what is this?" she asked with a faked surprise in her voice, and before Sirius could've start to speak again, she went on. "I don't care about your explanations, Sirius. I know we aren't in a relationship, but I thought that's the point! You could tell me anything without worrying about it. If you get bored of me, just tell me, because I'm not going to waste my time of someone who treats me like a chewing toy," she said louder and louder, but dropped her voice as she added, "You either tell me the truth, or you will never see me again."

She was sure Sirius would simply send her away, or just start to come up with some stupid excuses, but he gently grabbed her forearm and led her closer to Remus' room.

"Why are you…?"

"Shh," he cut her off, carefully opening the door. At first she couldn't see anything as it was dark in the room, but a couple moments later she saw what Sirius wanted her to saw: the ripped, bloody clothes on the floor, and Remus, sleeping in his bed with bruises on his face and bandages around his chest. Her eyes widened, and before she could watch him for too long, Sirius pulled her out from the room and closed the door silently.

"What the hell happened to him?"

"He's a werewolf," Sirius answered in a low voice, ignoring the girl's silent gasp as he went on. "He had been since he was a kid. For a couple years now we've helped him at every full moon. James, Peter, and me… as Animagi. Illegally."

Juliet couldn't decide whether if she should believe him or not, but only a few weeks of knowing him was enough to know this is something he could probably do. "Show me," she said, deciding she'd only believe to her own eyes.

Sirius let out a low growl. "I'm really tired," but in the next moment, he quickly transformed into a large, black dog.

"Oh my God!" Juliet yelled, but quickly walked away as she was still standing in front of Remus' door. "Oh my God," she whispered this time, while the large dog hurried after her, but quickly transformed back. "Why haven't you told me?"

"That would have been a cheerful conversation," he started, looking at the girl in disbelief while he dropped himself on the couch. "Hey, I'm Sirius Black, my best friend is a werewolf and I'm an illegal Animagus, wanna hook up?"

"Not like that, you idiot," she huffed, sitting down next to him. "I thought you were lying to me."

"Technically I was. But honestly, I don't think it's something that you just tell to anyone, is it?"

Juliet smiled sweetly again. "I'm not anyone, Sirius."

"You certainly are not," he cocked an eyebrow and leaned closer for a kiss, but Juliet leaned back.

"Elsie should know about this."

Sirius' features hardened immediately. "Not from us. It isn't our secret to tell."

"Since I know about it, it's my secret too, and I won't keep secrets from my best friend," she said firmly, causing Sirius to let out a long sigh.

"Juliet, if Remus want to tell her, he will. He's so unconscious about it anyway, let him to decide it when he will tell her. I'll talk to him, but you don't tell her. Please."

She looked at him silently with narrowed eyes, biting her lip.

"Juliet…"

"Okay, I'll keep my mouth shut! But then you will talk to him."

Sirius nodded, changing the subject quickly. "Good metaphor choice with the chewing toy, by the way," he said, causing Juliet to let out a short chuckle. "So, aren't you going to your classes today?" he asked, lazily unbuttoning the first few buttons of her red shirt, tracing his thumb through the hem of her lacy black bra. "Pretty."

"Not planning to," she answered with a tired sigh. "You need to make it up to me that you lied, so…" she said a moment before Sirius gabbed her hand with a mischievous smile, pulling her up from the couch and into his bedroom.

* * *

Elsie only woke up hours later, well rested, to the sound of Juliet slamming the front door shut. "Sorry, I didn't know you were sleeping here," she said apologetically as she walked in, seeing her friend sitting up in the couch with a yawn.

"It's okay," she answered, rubbing her sleepy eyes. "So, how'd it go? Which one them lied?"

Juliet plopped down next to her slowly, not taking her eyes off her. "Well… both of them. I really shouldn't tell you," she said, and Elsie only had a time to open her mouth before Juliet already went on. "I tell you, but you can't tell to Sirius! He'd kill me."

Elsie rolled her eyes. "Like it's a big deal for you! Aren't you always saying make-up sex is the best?"

The blonde girl's eyes widened in surprise. "That's actually a really good idea! Thank you," she winked.

"Will you tell me what happened, then?"

Juliet let out a slow breath before she started. "Remus… he's a werewolf."

It all made sense, Elsie realized as her friend explained everything to her that Sirius explained to Juliet a couple hours prior. His wounds, his condition last day, his behaviour with her in the past weeks…

They both agreed on that Elsie should go and talk with him; and she, without thinking it about twice, left the house appeared at Remus' a few moments later.

But in the moment she arrived, fear filled her lungs; she just realized she didn't think that through at all – what she should exactly say to him? Sirius opened the door after Elsie lightly knocked against the door, like she hoped no one would hear it. He wasn't surprised to see her at all, in fact, he expected her; he just stepped aside to let the girl in. "Juliet told you, right?"

"She did. Be angry at her, she planned some make-up sex."

He raised his eyebrows. "Is she at home?" he asked, and Elsie nodded while she took off her coat. "Great. Then I should go and be angry at her," she said with a grin while he grabbed his jacket off of the hanger and left the house.

Elsie quickly walked through the living room and knocked at Remus' door before she could change her mind, waiting until he murmured a low "come in". Remus closed his eyes and let out a slow, tired breath as he saw the girl. It felt so familiar, too familiar, and he wasn't sure he was ready again to play the same again, he didn't know what he should say this time at all. He knew she knew, from a single look at her face.

She sat down at the edge of his bed, looking at the bloody bandages. "You should change these," she said with a low, raspy voice. She helped him to take them off before he leaned back against the wall again, as every of his remaining energy left him. Elsie conjured some water in a bowl and started to wash the blood off of his chest, trying to clean his wounds up as much as it was possible. "Unfortunately I don't know any proper healing spells. Or potions," she said almost shyly.

"It help a lot too, thank you," he replied with a smile, deep inside being happy as she was there.

She stopped after she vanished all of the blood, looking up into his brown eyes now. "Sirius told Juliet and she told me," she started to explain. "This is why you were avoiding me? Because you're a werewolf?"

Remus looked away. It was the reason indeed, but it was way more complicated than she thought. If he says no, she will ask more questions, if he says yes, he will lie, again… but before he could say anything, Elsie cupped his cheek with one hand and turned his face towards her. "I really don't care."

"You should," he answered in a painful voice.

"Why? I'm sure you could never…" she started, but Remus cut her off, knowing very well what she wanted to say.

"I'm a monster, Elizabeth, and nothing can ever change that fact. Don't be so sure I could never hurt anyone," he said almost angrily.

Her hand fell off of his face. "Your friends go out with you in every month. You live with Sirius. Have you ever hurt them?"

Remus shook his head slowly. "This is entirely different."

"Why?" she asked loudly, almost a shout as she was so desperate to find an answer, but he couldn't give her any. Elsie stood up, looked through the window for a few seconds before her eyes found his again. "I really do like you. And I know you like me too. But whatever is holding you back… it's you who makes everything impossible, not the fact you're a werewolf," she added in a lower voice. "And if you really have nothing to say, I can't think of anything else but that you don't care enough or at all."

She turned to leave as she got no answer again, but Remus, not even knowing why, grabbed her forearm and pulled her back down to the bed. He leaned closer to her, close enough so he could smell the well-known flowery scent of her hair, still holding her arm like he was afraid if he let it go, she'd leave him for good. "I do care. If I didn't care, if I wouldn't think about you, I would've taken you on a date weeks ago, and now I'd just kiss you if you let me, but I can't. I can't to do that to you."

"Do what, Remus? As far as I can see, the only thing that holding you back is that there's a small chance of that you could ever hurt me…"

"But there is a chance," he said firmly, his hand slipped down before he lifted it up and stroked her cheek gently with a small, almost invisible smile. "You deserve a lot better than me."

Elsie looked him in silence, not knowing at his point what she should say that she hadn't said to him already. She leaned closer and pressed a soft kiss on his cheek before she stood up again. "I really hope you'll change your mind," she said, even though she had the feeling his decision was final. As much as Remus wanted her to stay, to pull her back into his arms, he let her walk out from his room.

* * *

After two hours of sitting in the park, sobbing and thinking about everything and nothing, Elsie finally walked home with puffy eyes. She found Sirius sitting by the small kitchen table, who looked at her apologetically just for a second. "Sorry for eating your food," he started after he swallowed a mouthful of mashed potatoes. "But I'm starving and this is the best thing I've ever eaten."

"For that compliment, you are forgiven," Elsie said, turning to the countertops make some tea. "I'm not hungry anyway."

Sirius continued his dinner, looking at the girl's back. "Remus, is he okay?"

Her heart leapt at the mention on his name, and she could feel she could cry again, but chocked back her tears. "I guess he is," she said, causing Sirius to furrowing his brows – wasn't she with him all time long? But before he could've asked, Elsie quickly added, "Where's Juliet?"

Smiling in satisfaction, Sirius said, "I was angry at her and now she's very tired…"

Elsie rolled her eyes and even let out a small smile as she took a seat in front of the boy with her tea, avoiding his eyes, but she couldn't hide it enough that she wanted to hide. "Did you cry?"

"No," she said immediately, but seeing how stupid she probably sounded with her hoarse voice and red eyes, she added a low "yes" a moment later.

"Remus said something to you?"

She tapped her fingertips against the side of the small, white cup, looking into the steaming, dark drink as she started to speak. "He thinks I deserve better than him," she started, look up at Sirius. "No matter what I said to him, he thinks he'd hurt me."

He put his fork down and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew this side of Remus very well, but he also knew that in this case, there was a lot more behind the story, and he wasn't sure what he should say.

"Is he like this with every girl?" she asked suddenly, causing Sirius to let out a low chuckle.

"Yes. But believe me, you're a special case."

Elsie furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Why?"

"Just… because he really likes you," he babbled out, pushing away his almost empty plate and leaning on the desk. "Listen, give him some time. He was always very unconscious, and I know it can be hard sometimes, but don't give up on him so easily. If he sees that you don't care enough, of course he won't care enough either."

She felt her ears burning with the shame she felt. She was so busy thinking about that maybe he doesn't want her she completely forgot about thinking about the reason. He was a werewolf, and even if she really didn't care about it, it could never be easy for Remus. It wasn't her who deserved better, it was him who needed to see that he deserved to be loved, too.

* * *

After her talk with Sirius, and several other ones with Juliet, Elsie let a whole week pass before she decided she would visit Remus. Even Juliet, who usually didn't waste her time on people who didn't care about her enough, could see that Remus' case was something else, and she should be a bit more patient with him. On their next free weekend, when Juliet went to Sirius' place anyway, Elsie joined to her and arrived together again at their house, where now Remus opened the door.

"Elsie, hi," he said in surprise, not taking his eyes off her.

"Hello, I'm here too, but never mind me," Juliet said in amusement, walking inside the apartment.

"Sorry, I just," he started, looking at the blonde girl for a moment before he looked back at Elsie while they got inside too. "I thought you don't really want to see me again."

"I've never said that. And I wanted to…" Apologize, she wanted to say, but was cut off by Sirius who pushed a glass of firewhisky into her hand with a grin on his face. "Are we celebrating something?"

He knocked his glass against Elsie's, drinking all of the whisky at once before he said, "We are. Lily is pregnant," he said with a proud smile.

"Poor girl," Juliet said while she sat down on the couch and refilled her own glass, causing Sirius to extend his arms questioningly.

"I'm going to be a dad; can't you just be happy for me?"

Remus frowned and stepped closer. "You know that you are not the father, right?"

"I helped a lot," he said, still proudly, sitting down next to Juliet.

"What, did you hold the candles?" Juliet asked with raised eyebrows, choking back a laugh.

Sirius let out an annoyed sigh. "I was James' wingman, okay?"

Remus leaned closer to Elsie, so only she could hear what he said. "In the first six years when Lily only referred to James as an 'arrogant, bullying toerag.'"

While Juliet and Sirius were too busy with bantering each other, Elsie put her untouched glass of firewhisky on the table and followed Remus into his room, where they sat down at the edge of his bed. She was fiddling with the hem of her sweatshirt for moments before she finally looked up at him and started to talk. "I'm sorry."

"What an earth for?"

"For leaving you," she answered, and seeing Remus immediately wanted to argue with her, she continued. "Listen, I didn't really think about it how hard it can be for you. I understand you are afraid, for what you can do, but you should trust yourself a little bit more. I do," she said, sitting closer. "And don't say I shouldn't. A bit late for that, I think."

Remus bow his head and let out a small chuckle, thinking about how the situation was so completely absurd; all those years, all that effort, and even the fact he wiped out her memories of him couldn't change her feelings at all. He was there again where he was years ago. "Elizabeth… sorry, Elsie," he said with another short laugh.

"You can even call me Elizabeth if that makes you feel better," she smiled too.

"I'm just afraid you think a lot more about me than I really am," he started in a low voice. "No matter what I say, being a werewolf is a part of me. Aren't you afraid of what could mean for you? Aren't you afraid of that I could hurt you, even if it would be unintentionally?"

Elsie shook her head. "Just because you transform into a werewolf once in a month it doesn't mean you're a beast. Remus, you're one the kindest people I've ever met. You could never hurt me, or anyone on purpose."

"But what if could?"

She bit her lip and tried to not argue with him, but it was hard – he was so stubborn on this subject. She kept her voice down. "I'd know it was an accident. Yes, being a werewolf is a part of you, but not because you chose it. And you wouldn't choose to hurt me either."

Her words had more effect on him than anyone else's in the past two years since the attack happened. Those words, that he could never have heard before from her as he obliviated her long before she woke up, before they could even talk about what happened.

"I'm not saying we should start to date right away," Elsie spoke up again. "I'll give you time to think this through, but I'd like you to ask to try to trust _in yourself_. We can be friends, and we'll see what's going to happen. How's that sound?"

"Alright," Remus said finally after nearly minute of silence. "Thank you."

She smiled at him kindly. "You know, I felt a bit stupid, not figuring it out earlier."

"Well, I like to think I'm doing a very good job with keeping my problem in secret," he said, causing Elsie to laugh.

"Your furry little problem, right?"

Remus chuckled too. "Did you also believe I had a rabbit?"

The girl shook her head and put a strand of loose hair behind her hear. "I didn't really care about it, actually. But girls in my year accused you of animal cruelty."

"Animal cruelty?" Remus asked in disbelief.

"Yes. Because they were convinced you had a rabbit, but since they've never seen it, they thought you keep it in your dorm, locked in a cage," she said, laughing at Remus buried his face into his palm.

"I've never heard this version before," he sighed. "But now I understand the reproachful glances."

Remus knew that he agreed that what Elsie said was dangerous and stupid, but looking at her face while she was laughing _with him_ made him forgetting every danger, every bad choice he made in the past. He let himself flow with the events, unable to think clearly while his love wanted to be with him so much.


	5. Wishes and Secrets

The cold bit Elsie's cheeks and nipped her nose while she was wandering around the crowded Diagon Alley, gazing through the wonderfully decorated shop windows. The area was floating in multi-coloured lights at the late afternoon, flying candles and Christmas lights in the air, as well as zigzagging red and green Snitches. Kids yelling in excitement and singing Pygmy Puffs' voices mixed together. It was snowing lightly, and the flakes melted in her hair like the marshmallows in her cocoa, which at least gave some warmth to her numbed fingers as she left her gloves at home again. She pulled her midnight blue coat closer around herself and broke her gaze away from a bookshop's window ("No, you don't need another book for your unread pile of books again,"), when she spotted Remus only a few feet from the entrance of the said shop, leaving and closing the door after himself.

Elsie smiled involuntarily, and as their eyes met, she felt her cheeks get warmer instantly. In the past weeks they had only seen each other a couple times; she wanted to give Remus some time as she promised. It was good to be just with him anyway and she felt Remus let her closer every time, but he was still strange with her from time to time. She thought it was only because he didn't trust people so easily, and Remus never said anything that could deny this.

"Something good?" she asked as they walked to each other, glancing at the book in Remus' hand.

"Just for school," he waved the book and shook his head. "And what are you doing? Christmas shopping?"

Elsie took a step forward as a kid nearly bumped into her, trying to get closer to the window. "Let's just say that, yes."

"And what's the truth?"

She took a sip from her coca and bit her lip. "I'm just procrastinating. I should study for my exams…"

Remus laughed. "Yeah, it's even harder around Christmas," he stuffed the book into his bag before looked back at her. "Any plans for the holidays?"

Elsie let out a short, tired growl, thinking about what she need to experience soon with her family. "Well, first I'm going to visit my mom and her new boyfriend, who thinks he can tell me what I should do with my life and can't shut up about what a shame is that I'm learning something so useless. Then I'm going to visit my dad, who, if he drinks enough, won't shut up about my mom and how she left him…even though it was his idea in the first place. Then I'm going to visit my brother and his fiancée. I love them, I do, but they're _that_ awfully romantic couple," she finished, out of breath, with a concerned expression on her face.

"Sounds fun," Remus said. "Isn't Juliet going to save you from this?"

"No," she sighed before drank the last sips of her cocoa and threw the cup into the nearest dustbin. "She'll go home to visit her family. I don't really mind it though, she's always so overly excited about Christmas, sometimes it's hard to take," she chuckled. "She decorated our flat a month ago."

Remus just started to talk about his own plans as he'll mostly spend the holidays with his friends, when another kid now really bumped into Elsie. She was caught off guard, and would probably landed in the ground if Remus hadn't caught her.

"Honestly, am I invisible?" she tutted, looking everywhere but into his brown eyes.

"You're too small," he said in amusement, brushing snowflakes out from her hair. She dared to look at him now, and was glad she could blame the cold weather for her flushed cheeks as his fingers ran through her locks.

It seemed so natural to Remus he only let her go when he noticed her blush; his arms fell off of hers and he stuffed his hands deep in his pockets, clearing his throat. "And uhm, what about New Year's Eve?"

"Last year we went to the Leaky Cauldron with Juliet," she remembered back, the memory still caused pain in her head. "It was full of old, drunk people, so we tried to get drunk… Well, I don't know how, but we ended up at one of our classmate's house; Juliet in his bed, and me, I slept on the couch with his dog," she stopped for a moment to laugh; looking back, it was funny now. "So this year I just want to be at home, I guess. But Juliet won't let me."

"Or you can come to us, if you'd like to. Mostly we just eat, drink, and play board games."

"That sounds much better than what Juliet probably has in mind," she smiled. "Thank you."

"I hope she will come too. Sirius would be happy to have her around."

Elsie narrowed her eyes at his words, but just as she opened her mouth, she got pushed into Remus again by a group of people. He just laughed, but placed his hands on her back. "I'm starting to think you're doing this on purpose."

"Of course I'm doing this on purpose," Elsie said jokingly, though she couldn't deny how nice it felt to be so close to him, having his arms around her, feeling his hot breath on her cold cheeks.

"I should go," Remus said after his arms left her again. "Before you break my ribs or something."

"Sure. See you later," she said with a smile, tiptoed up and kissed his cheek. "I hope you can Apparate home with your aching ribs."

* * *

The family dinners looked exactly like what Elsie expected. With her mother's new boyfriend and his remarks about that a shame that Elsie wasn't studying something that could be actually useful for the Wizarding community, her mother, who just waved her hand at it, saying, "Oh, he's just a little bit conservative, that's all."

There was a bigger gathering at her father's place: his sister and his brother were there too, along with their children, all much younger than Elsie. She left the others in the dining room after dinner and washed the dishes – slowly, in the Muggle way, so she could avoid going back. She just finished when her brother appeared in the door, his fiancée after him with unsteady steps.

"Oh, so you were hiding here," he said, picking up a bowl full of cookies before he sat down and started to eat. "You missed dad's speech about how pointless marriage is."

Elsie looked at Lisa; her short, dark hair was messy and her eyes tired as she tried very hard to sit up on a bar stool. "I hope you won't let him to make a speech at your wedding… are you okay, Lisa?"

She snatched the bowl out from Eddy's hand and started to eat too, but giggled after Elsie's question. "Sure I am!"

Elsie turned her head towards his brother, looking at him questioningly; Lisa hardly ever drinks and she takes alcohol really bad. "Juliet's eggnog," he said, which explained everything. From experience, Elsie knew it's better not even tasting it, so after Juliet left two bottles at home to her, Elsie decided she'll bring them to her family.

"Tell me about that boy you'll bring to my wedding," she said, pointing her fingers at Elsie.

"Isn't it our wedding, honey?" Eddy asked, smiling in amusement at her, but she just waved her hand.

"Shh. So, is he your boyfriend?"

Elsie squirmed in her chair, feeling herself uncomfortable under his brother's piercing eyes – he used to be so protective of her. "No, we're just friends."

"Ooh," she said with such a sad voice it sounded she might cry. "And what about the one you _were_ dating?"

"I haven't dated anyone," Elsie answered, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Lisa continued to destroy the gingerbread men, not looking up from the bowl as she said, "Yes, you have, you told me about him."

Both Eddy and Elsie looked at her now questioningly; as Lisa saw this, her eyes widened. "Oh… I… probably just misunderstood something," she said, but winked at Elsie when Eddy couldn't see.

And of course it bothered Elsie; soon, as everyone started to leave the house, and while Eddy said goodbye to his father, Elsie stopped Lisa in the hallway. "What did you talk about earlier? I really haven't dated anyone."

"I thought you just didn't want Eddy to hear," she said with a confused face while she took on her black coat. "I really do remember you said to me a couple years ago that you started to date someone. He had a strange name, I don't remember."

Elsie furrowed her eyebrows, trying to recall the memory, but she couldn't remember to any conversation like that. She was thinking about it all the way home – it was snowing again so she decided to walk – but couldn't remember anything, so she shrugged it off at the end. She convinced herself that Lisa really just misunderstood something, and by the time they met in the next day, she completely forgot about it.

* * *

Juliet only arrived back to London somewhere in the early hours of the last day of the year. She was still fast asleep when Elsie woke up, and she just remembered she completely forgot about telling Juliet that Remus invited them for the night. She considered several times whether to wake her up – for Elsie, this was the first New Year's Eve she was truly waiting for; of course she was excited about it.

It was late afternoon when Juliet finally crawled out from her bed and fought her way into the kitchen. Her steps were long and slow, her hair is a mess, and she immediately reached for a cup of coffee. "Stupid jetlag. It's worse than hangover."

"It's really nice to see you too, I missed you so much," Elsie said, leaning against the counter.

"I'm going to hug you and yell in happiness, just let me drink this first," she grumbled, raising the cup.

"Well, it's better if you pull yourself together soon, because we're going to go to a party," Elsie said after a sigh. "Remus invited us."

"What?!" Juliet yelled, spitting out half of her drink; her voice suddenly came back to life. "Why haven't you told me this earlier? I look homeless!"

Waving her wand to clean the floor up, Elsie rolled her eyes. "You weren't here and uh… I forgot."

How could you forget something like this?" she asked with a puzzled face. "Lucky I already bought my dress weeks ago," she shrugged with a smile now, taking another sip from her coffee.

"I bought a dress too," Elsie said proudly, causing her friend to open her mouth in surprise.

"Are you kidding me? Wait, you mean a real dress, right? Or another grandpa sweater?"

Elsie rolled her eyes. "Yes, a real dress. And it's short, so you'll probably like it."

"Remus will probably like it too," Juliet murmured into her mug.

Elsie ignored her comment, but she couldn't lie to herself; she was indeed thinking about what would be his reaction when he'll see wearing the dress, when she went to buy something. After all, he invited her, and even it wasn't a date or anything like that, the occasion was perfect for wearing something that she usually wouldn't.

A couple hours later both of them were ready to leave; Elsie applied some dark red lipstick as a final touch and left the room, finding Juliet in the kitchen, making another bottle of her special eggnog.

"Oh my God," she said with widened eyes, an almost empty bottle of firewhisky in her right hand, another bottle of Muggle whisky in the other. "You look amazing!"

"See, not a grandpa sweater," she swayed her hips a little, looking down on herself. "She wore a burgundy, close-fitting short dress with long sleeves, black high heels; her hair falling on her back in light waves. Juliet was wearing black; a simple but short dress which showed enough of several parts of her body. "You look amazing too. Black looks good on you."

"And Black will look good on me later too," she winked, pouring the last bits of the whisky into the eggnog.

"Merlin, Juliet…" Elsie laughed, turning around before they both left the kitchen together.

"What? You need to start the New Year the best way you can," she explained, picking up her suitcase full of records. "And what's the better way than literally get yourself f…"

"Okay, I've heard enough," Elsie cut her friend off, while they put on their coats. "At least I'm not the one who will sleep with a dog this year."

"You prefer wolves, I guess," Juliet managed to say a moment before Elsie took her arm and Disapparated from their flat.

She just shot a glance at Juliet with narrowed eyes, but said nothing when they arrived, standing in front of the door where Juliet knocked immediately. A light shiver ran along Elsie's spine right before Remus opened the door.

They exchanged a hug before Remus invited them inside; Juliet quickly started to remove her coat while Remus helped with Elsie's. He didn't even try; at least he was simply unable to hide his amazement as his eyes roamed up and down on her. Juliet turned her head away from them and let out a muffled laugh, but Elsie felt herself so nervous under his gaze she needed to say something, anything. "I should put on stockings, it's cold."

"It isn't, you just haven't drunk enough yet," Juliet replied instantly.

"I haven't drunk anything at all yet, and it is. It's winter."

"Do you call this winter? Where I lived in America we literally march through knee-high snow every day this time of the year."

Remus listened to their conversation only as background noise for a while, as he still felt himself like just got hit by a Stunning spell. He could only focus again when Elsie stepped closer to him. "Can we go in?"

"Yeah, sure," he nodded nervously, finally walking inside the apartment. "I'm sorry, you just… you look gorgeous."

Elsie thanked him but bit her lip, trying not grinning like a child, which she miserably failed. But the next moment she was completely caught off guard as someone hugged her so suddenly she almost fell back.

"It's sooo good to see you, Elsie!" Peter said with a broad smile, clearly already drunk.

"Nice to see you too," she answered a bit confused, as they boy greeted her like an old friend, but patted his back.

He murmured something about she looked very pretty, but his words were slurred and Remus sent him to choose some better music than what was currently on the record player. Elsie gave a hug to Sirius too, after he and Juliet came out from the kitchen; the blonde girl went to Peter to help him to find some music.

"What would you like to drink?" Sirius asked Elsie after she plopped down into an armchair; she felt herself still a little uneasy.

"Anything but Juliet's eggnog," she answered in a low voice, but her friend heard her.

"Say what you want, but that's a really good stuff," Juliet said, turning her face towards them Sirius and Remus. "Do you really have nothing from AC/DC?"

"Never heard of them," Sirius answered, handing a glass of firewhisky to Elsie.

Juliet looked like someone who just got slapped in the face, then froze for a second before she said, "I can't believe I slept with you." She turned to her little suitcase and pulled out some of her own albums.

Soon the tunes of the Shook Me All Night Long filled the room; Juliet moved her body and sang with the song, while Peter jumped from the floor and joined to her in a wild dancing, which she found very amusing.

"Are you going to knock me out with those American thighs too?" Sirius asked, referring to the lyrics, causing Remus to bury his face into his palm.

Juliet laughed, but Elsie cut her off before she could answer. "Do we really need to listen this all night?"

The blonde girl blew a kiss and winked at Elsie before she continued dancing with Peter; Sirius joined them with three glasses of drinks. She couldn't tell why, but Elsie felt herself ill at ease from the start. Maybe only because she was waiting for this night so much, maybe because she wanted it to be great; either way, she tried to calm her nerves down on the easiest way.

And this way led her to be drunk too soon; by the time Lily and James arrived she was already more talkative than usual. She walked to the kitchen to grab a new bottle of firewhisky, eyes widened as Lily pulled several boxes from her little bag.

"Undetectable Extension Charm," she explained, seeing Elsie's surprised face, but she shook her head.

"No, I mean… that is a lot of food."

"Have you ever seen those four eating after they got drunk enough?" Lily asked, shaking her head with a smile. "And since I have to be the only sober person here, at least let me enjoy something."

They head a short talk about Lily's pregnancy before they joined to the boys again in the living room. As Remus said earlier, they passed the time with drinking, eating, and playing board games – and now Juliet's drinking game too. It went on in the next few hours, until it was almost midnight, and they all stood up to count back down.

At this point, everything was blurry, too slow, or too fast – one moment they just started to count and in the other, they heard the sound of the fireworks from outside; some of them brightened up the room in colourful lights for a second. Some song from the Pink Floyd filled the place, which only made them feeling even more like they were floating.

Elsie emptied her glass at once – which wasn't the smartest move anymore – before she plopped down on the couch and looked around. Lily was sitting on James' knee, her arms wrapped around his neck as he murmured something in her ear which caused Lily to kiss him again immediately. Juliet and Sirius were standing near to the window, hands and lips still not leaving each other.

Suddenly she felt a hand on hers, as Remus refilled her glass and his own, then sit down closely to her and dropped his head on her shoulder, eyes closed.

"And again, I'm kissing the neck of the bottle," Peter said, sitting on the floor with his back against the couch. "Maybe we should kiss, Elsie!"

The girl just let out a short laugh, but Remus opened his eyes and straightened himself. "Wormtail," he called his name warningly.

"What?" Peter asked, turning around and looking at them. "Obviously, you aren't gonna kiss her."

"Yes, Remus," Elsie said, eyes narrowed as she tried to focus on his face. "New Year's Eve kiss brings good fortune. Therefore, no kiss means bad luck. So I really need a New Year's Eve kiss. You have…" she glanced at Remus' watch, trying to find the second hand. "Two seconds."

Remus let out a deep breath, but hesitated while they were looking into each other's eyes for long seconds, before he finally brought her face closer to his. His lips gently touched hers, brushing them against so lightly like a feather, until she pressed hers against his heavily, yet somehow still gently, only a moment before they broke apart. "You're late," Elsie said, Remus' hand still on her face.

"I don't really believe in this anyway," he answered, still staring at her lips, collecting all of his remained self-control to prevent himself from kissing her again.

"Why did you kiss me, then?"

He looked into her blue eyes again, but didn't answer. The slow song was replaced with Jerry Lee Lewis by Juliet before she sat down on the armrest of the sofa, a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Did you guys know no-majs think New Year's Eve kisses scare off the evil spirits?" she asked, a glass of her eggnog in her hand, looking at least as drunk as everyone else. She glanced at Elsie and Remus suspiciously, because at this point, both of them avoided each other's gaze. "Oh my God, did you kiss?"

"They did," Peter answered, nodding slowly with a grin on his face.

Juliet slipped down from the armrest to the couch, placing her drink down on the floor before she threw her arms around Elsie's neck. "I'm so proud of you," she gushed, while Elsie tried to push away her friend, who was hugging her so tightly she could barely breathe. "I started to think I'll be only person you've ever kissed."

Peter nearly choked on his champagne as he tried to ask if they really kissed, while Sirius sat down on the desk in front of them. "This is a story I really need to hear."

"You promised you won't tell anyone," Elsie whined, taking a sip from her drink.

"Oh, what's about it anyway?" Juliet asked, extending her arms so wildly she almost slapped her friend in the face. "Sorry. We were drunk and I kissed my best friend. Nothing more happened if this is what you are thinking, Sirius."

Elsie saw as Sirius pouted in disappointment before she looked at Remus, who just smiled at her sheepishly, still trying to pull himself together.

From the next couple of hours, Elsie only remembered bits and pieces, blurry pictures and loud noises. She remembered eating all kind of sweets with Peter, then throwing the empty wrappings back into the bowl, which made Remus angry at them. She remembered dancing – she was dancing with everyone. She remembered as she was standing at the balcony when she started to feel herself sick, but she was there for minutes or hours, she couldn't tell. She remembered saying goodbye to Lily, who was so tired she couldn't stop yawning anymore, and James who was just simply as drunk as the others. She remembered clearly the conversation she caught when she plopped down on the couch with her head resting on Juliet's shoulder.

"So this is why I don't have a girlfriend, right? It's obvious," Peter said sadly, lying on the other sofa.

"You aren't ugly, you know. You have no self-confidence, and that's the problem," Juliet answered in a sleepy voice, blinking slowly.

Sirius and Remus just came back after they escorted their friends out; Sirius pouring himself another drink (he looked the least drunk), while Remus sat down on the armchair in front of Elsie. "And maybe you should be nice with girls sometimes."

"I'm nice!" Peter answered with an offended voice.

"You know, Wormy, begging for a date doesn't count as nice," Sirius said, sitting down next to Juliet. "It's annoying, and creepy. You know who is nice with girls? Remus."

"Oh, yes, this is why he didn't get a girlfriend since Elsie," he snapped angrily, but his eyes widened in the moment he realized what he said. Every head turned to him; two in question and the other two shot daggers with their eyes. "I mean… _before_ … her…" he tried to save the situation, and couldn't hold back a relieved sigh she he saw it worked.

"I'm not his girlfriend," Elsie said, dropping her head back at Juliet's shoulder.

"Yes, but you could be!"

"Wormtail, shut up," Sirius said warningly, so Peter fell in silence.

And so did everyone else for a few, long seconds; there was no music and only the muffled noises from outside filled the room until Juliet let out a long sigh. "You killed the party."

"Yeah," Sirius answered, taking Juliet's arm and pulling her up from the couch. "Time to go bed, it's really late. Good night, see you in the next year."

They growled in unison before Remus added, "Silencing charms."

Once again, awkward silence filled the room after Sirius and Juliet disappeared in the boy's room. Elsie and Remus stared into each other's eyes, until Peter stood up and murmured something about he should go too.

She leaned against the armrest and closed her eyes while Remus walked his friend to the door; she nearly dozed off in that few seconds while they were away.

Until she felt a hand on her cheek and a friendly voice in her ears, which pulled her back immediately. "Do you want to go to sleep?"

She just nodded in answer before Remus helped her up from the couch; she wasn't sure she could reach even the loo in her current condition. And she was surely right about it, as wrapping both of her arms around Remus while they walked into his room still not prevented her legs to tangle together.

"S'really cute your friend thinks I'm your girlfriend," she slurred, giggling into Remus' ear while he closed the door.

"Yeah, that's Wormtail," Remus said, avoiding her eyes. "Talking weird things all the time."

His hand still tried to keep her steady while she kicked her heels off, her arms clutching on him. "Are you sayin' you don't want me to be your girlfriend?" she asked slowly, crossing her arms so forcefully across her chest she almost fell back.

"I didn't say that," he said, reaching out and grabbing her arm, helping her to get her balance back.

"So d'ya want me to be your girlfriend."

Remus chuckled. "I just… Stop this. I'm not going to answer this."

Elsie plopped down on the bed, looking up at him apologetically. "Sorry. I didn't want to make you so nervous."

"I'm not nervous," he laughed nervously, before fell on the bed next to her.

She wrapped her hands around his arm and put her chin on his shoulder. "Can I sleep with you?"

"Mhm," Remus murmured, pressing his forehead against hers.

"Will you help me to take my clothes off?"

Remus raised his head up, unsure he heard it right. "What?"

"I asked if you could help me to take my clothes off," she repeated, looking at him, her eyes still unfocused. "Because I'm not sure I can do it by myself and this dress already pressed my soul out of me. But you have to keep your eyes closed," she added as a second thought.

He swallowed hard. "And how am I supposed to do that if I can't see what am I doing?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "You're a wizard, I'm sure you can figure it out."

Elsie stood up and Remus followed her, quickly catching her as she almost fell back on the bed. "Is there any undressing spell?"

She giggled and buried her face into his chest for a moment. "Ask Juliet, I'm sure she could come up with something."

Remus' hands found the hem of her dress; they looked into each other's eyes one last time before he closed his. Elsie let out a muffled chuckle as he really did so, while he slowly started to pull the dress up.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," she answered in a low voice. His fingers left trails of goosebumps on her skin as they brushed against it up on her sides, and he needed to choke back a gasp when he felt the absence of her bra, the curves and the even smoother skin. He couldn't restrain himself anymore and opened his eyes, but he was thankful her dress was over her face, so she couldn't see him. He slowly, longingly ran his eyes up and down on the body he used to know so well, and he wished he could touch her again. He shut his eyes back, but as she wanted to pull on the dress, she screamed up. "Ouch, my hair!"

"Sorry, I just – let me help," he said, placing his hands on her waist and turning her around. He opened his eyes again and freed her hair from the dress, but as his eyes ran down on her back, he felt his head clearing up immediately.

On the middle of her lower back, just inches up from her underwear, there were three, white scars – barely visible in the dimly lit room. He always knew they never going to fade away completely, but seeing them now made him scared, sad with memories, and disgusted of what he did. What does she think, where did she get those scars? Did she think it's something from her childhood she couldn't remember of? Did she ever know about them, or never noticed?

"Remus"? she called his name, so he quickly continued pulling her dress off of her. He let it fall onto the floor while he walked to his closet, handing a t-shirt to her seconds later before he turned around and bowed his head down; the white lines still floating before his eyes.

"Is something wrong?" Elsie asked once she put on the shirt, walking closer to him with her steps uncertain; she still felt as the room was spinning around. She placed her hand on his arm, looking up at him with worrying eyes. "Remus?"

He shook his head silently, finally looking at her. "No," he whispered and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Get some sleep, okay?"

He helped her to get into the bed and draped a blanket over her; she was still smiling in a childish way that Remus found adorable, and couldn't help himself but smile too. He took his clothes off and crawled into his bed, seeing as Elsie pulled the blanket closer around herself. "Do you want a sweater instead?"

"No," she mumbled before she snuggled closer, her body pressed against his as she buried her face into his neck, an arm resting around him.

For a split second, he wanted to stop her, he wanted to pull away – but it wasn't something he really wanted to do. His self-control left him hours ago; maybe when he kissed her, maybe even earlier. He wanted nothing more now than holding her again. He closed an arm around her, drawing soft circles on her back until soon, they both fell asleep.


	6. Mistakes I've Made

_I breathed your name into the air; I etched your name into me_  
 _I felt my anger swelling; I swam into its sea_  
 _I held your name inside my heart, but it got buried in my fear_  
 _It tore the wiring of my brain; I did my best to keep it clear_  
 _So, dear, no matter how we part, I hold you sweetly in my head_  
 _And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead_

 _(La Dispute - Andria)_

* * *

Remus never was an early bird; he preferred to sleep on and off for hours after he woke up before he actually made out of bed. On days when he had nothing to do, he didn't get up until it was necessary.

After he woke up on the first day of the New Year, he didn't want to go back to sleep. He opened his eyes to find Elsie pressed against his chest with his arms around her. He wanted to move, but her scent turned his mind off – she always smelled so sweet and fresh, even now, when those flowery scents were mingled with firewhisky and champagne from yesterday. The messy, long, chocolate brown locks were tangled around Remus' fingers, as he kept playing with them on her back before they fell asleep. He carefully freed his hand and wiped the loose strands of her hair out from her face, gently brushing his thumb along her cheek. She shifted in her sleep; her small feet brushed against his skin, their legs still intertwined. There was something comforting in watching her sleeping. It reminded him old times.

 _He tried; he really did, but couldn't hold back his laugh any second longer as they were walking on the courtyard, closer and closer to the Forbidden Forest. It was early afternoon, a warm but windy summer day just after Elsie's Defense Against the Dark Arts exam. She shot an angry look at him and gently hit him in the shoulder with the back of her hand. "It isn't funny."_

 _"_ _Sorry," he said between laughs, while she only huffed and shook her head, crossing her arm across her chest. "An octopus… I wish I could see it," he sighed, wonderment in his voice, a mischievous smile tugging the corner of his lips as his girlfriend stopped in front of him._

 _"_ _So what? Other people are afraid of spiders and snakes, and you think my boggart is funny?" she asked with an offended voice, poking his chest with her fingertip. "At least the chances I'll ever go face to face with them are very low."_

 _Remus grasped her hands and pulled her closer. "Okay, I'm really sorry, I just never saw octopuses as… frightening creatures," he choked back the last chuckles, but his smile died away nearly immediately, his gaze trailed away, and a darker shadow appeared on his face. "But yeah, at least you don't have to face it."_

 _"_ _What's yours?" she asked in a small voice, but by the time the words left her lips, she knew the answer. Remus looked back at her with a sad smile before he leaned against a tree, looking down at his feet. "It's the full moon, isn't it?"_

 _Remus only nodded, reaching his arm out to pull her close again. He still avoided her eyes while he locked his hands around her waist, trying to form his words. "I'm sorry," Elsie said while he was suffering with his thoughts. "I should've known that becoming a werewolf in every month is more frightening than anything."_

 _"_ _You know it's not just that," he shook his head, finally finding his voice._

 _Elsie furrowed her eyebrows in question, but as he looked back at her, his eyes told her what he was thinking about. She let out a tired sigh before she started, "Remus…"_

 _"_ _You know I could hurt you," he cut her off, his voice low, but Elsie raised hers. They had this conversation so many times before…_

 _"_ _You could never hurt me, Remus! You're the best thing that have happened me in my life so far; you helped me a lot through everything! You could never hurt me…" she repeated, her last words almost just a whisper._

 _He placed a hand on her cheek, gently rubbing it with his thumb. For seconds, he just looked at her with a slight smile, before he shook his head again. "No. You know it isn't true," he started and quickly pulled her back as she wanted to turn away. "You know I could hurt you, even if it wouldn't be on purpose. And what would be the difference, then? I would never forgive myself if anything would happen to you because of me."_

 _"_ _I would," she said firmly. "And I'm not going to give up on this relationship because there's a small chance of you could ever hurt me. I love you. I know you love me too," her voice barely more than a whisper, foreheads pressed against each other. "I know you'd do anything to keep me safe. I'm not afraid."_

 _Remus let out a shaky breath as he nodded. He'd loved to believe her, he'd loved to feel that trust and confidence in himself that she felt towards him, but how could he be ever completely sure he could protect her from himself?_

 _"_ _You know what, maybe you should see what I accomplished today during my exam," she said now with a smile, trying to cheer him up. She stepped backwards and pulled her wand out from her robe pocket._

 _He cleared his throat, quickly trying to pull himself together. "Yeah, I'd really love to see your giant octopus," he replied with a straight face, but his lips hovered into a smile when Elsie pouted at him. "But I'm not sure we can find a boggart here."_

 _"_ _Not that," she rolled her eyes. "A corporeal Patronus."_

 _Remus' eyes widened in surprise. "Are you serious? That's fantastic, show me!"_

 _Elsie nodded, rolling up her sleeves. "Yeah, I think this is the first time I'm actually better than you in something," she said. Of course Remus had his weaknesses too, but he was mostly good at everything. However, casting a corporeal Patronus was something he always had a problem with._

 _She murmured the incantations; a moment later her small silvery rabbit broke out from her wand and ran around the tree next to them, stopping in the grass at Elsie's feet for a few seconds before it vanished._

 _"_ _Cute," Remus said, pulling her closer again and pressing a kiss on her cheek. "Nice job, sweetheart. What was your memory?"_

 _She wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling up at him sweetly. "You," she answered, earning a look from him which was more beyond astonished. He found it hard to believe – no, he found it unbelievable that someone could produce such a strong Patronus by thinking of him. "I told you you're the best thing that happened to me," she said gently before pressed a soft kiss on his smiling lips._

Elsie shifted again; some sleepy grumbled left her lips as she tried to stretch her numbed limbs out.

"Sorry," Remus said in a low voice. "Did I wake you up?"

"No," she murmured, almost inaudible with her hoarse voice. She finally opened her eyes, elbowing herself up in the bed, letting the blanket and Remus' hands fell off of her. She shut her eyes back quickly, letting out a slow breath. "My head is throbbing."

Het let out a short chuckle. "I'm not surprised."

"I don't remember much," she started whilst Remus sat up on the bed too, but fell in silence as she was suddenly aware he was nearly naked, only in his boxers. She looked down on herself, seeing she was wearing a t-shirt – his, probably – but it was rolled up, exposing too much from her body. Trying to look not so obvious, she carefully tugged the shirt down, covering herself as much as she could.

"You weren't so shy last night," Remus joked in the attempt to ease the tension, not knowing he only made it worse.

Her eyes widened, and the words burst out from her, unable to keep the question inside anymore. "Did we have sex last night?"

Remus blushed, but couldn't hide the amusement on his face, seeing her puzzled face. "No, of course we didn't. You just asked me to take your dress off."

She buried her face into her palms in embarrassment. "Oh Merlin, now I do remember," she rubbed her eyes before looked at him again. "I told you to close your eyes," she said, and as Remus only gave a silent nod, she quickly added, "Did you?"

"Of course," he replied immediately, raising his eyebrows, trying to keep his face as straight as he could. "I closed them."

"And did you also kept them closed?" she asked with narrowed eyes, biting back a smile.

He took in a deep breath, ready to lie, but he released it slowly, only murmuring. "No. I'm sorry. It was just, well, it wasn't, I mean it was really hard to…"

"It's okay, I'm not angry at you," she cut him off, though it was funny to see him so nervous. "I'm still thankful you took care of me instead of taking advantage of my condition."

"I'd never do that."

"I know," she said before she fell back on the sheets with a huge growl, her palm on her forehead. "Is it okay if I stay here a little longer? I'm not sure I'm ready to move."

Remus laughed. "Sure, you can stay. I'll bring you some food," he said as he crawled out from the bed, and Elsie just realized how hungry she was. She kept her eyes closed, a slight sleepy smile on her face while she thought back on the last night. It was a mess, but she still loved every minute of it.

She sat up on the bed again when Remus returned with a huge plate of food, filled with everything that Lily brought yesterday. "There's a lot of leftover. I think we sort of forgot to eat."

"Yeah, I can feel it," Elsie said as her empty stomach gave a loud growl, reaching for a mini hot-dog. As they were eating silently, she couldn't help but staring.

Remus still hadn't had a t-shirt on, so she could see every scratch on him in the bright room. The worst scars were all old, white lines, but there were some fresh ones too. "They aren't a nice sight, are they?"

Her cheeks flushed and felt herself ashamed; she really didn't want to make him feel any worse about it than he already felt. She grabbed a mug which was levitating in front of her for a while, looking at the hot drink before she looked up at him again. "There's nothing wrong about them."

Remus smiled at her kindly, because he could feel how honest she was, not just empty comforting words, and he was grateful for it. Elsie slipped closer and ran her fingertips through a bite-mark on his side. "Who did this? Another werewolf?"

"Me," he said, causing Elsie to look up at him again with concerned face. "Maybe not the best way of self-control, but I'd rather scratch and bite myself than hurt others. I was locked away when I was a kid."

She fell in deep silence again; it felt like an invisible hand just gripped her heart. It wasn't enough he had to turn into a werewolf once a month; he even hurt himself if it was necessary. "Have you ever tried the Wolfsbane Potion? I heard it can help a lot."

With bowed head, Remus let out a small smile – they had that conversation years ago. "The ingredients are very expensive and the potion itself is probably the most complicated I've ever seen…so no. I haven't."

His voice suddenly went nervous, so Elsie decided it's better if she close the conversation; she didn't want to upset him. They spent the next hours just lying in the bed, listening music, sleeping on and off, mostly without any word. It was one of those things that Remus missed so much; being alone together with someone, with her.

But talking about his lycanthropy with her made him nervous; all he could think about again was her scars that he made. They looked almost the same when he last saw them…

 _It was a bright summer day, just a moment after they finished the semester. Remus lived with his parents at the edge of a forest; it was much easier he didn't need to travel far away at every full moon. Plus, they were hidden from Muggles' eyes and curious neighbours. He was sitting in the grass with his back against a tree, Elsie between his legs with his arms around her._

 _"_ _It's so nice here," she smiled, leaning back against him. "I could live in a place like this." Ever since she went home from school, she needed to deal with her constantly arguing parents. It was good to escape sometimes and run straight to Remus – she knew he'd never send her away._

 _He pressed a small kiss on her neck before he said, "Are they still fighting?"_

 _"_ _Yeah," she answered, sighing, turning around to face with him. "They're so busy with fighting with each other they don't even care about us anymore. My brother cancelled his wedding because of them. And lately when I say "I go and visit my friend," they just say something like "stay safe," or "have fun," and never ask anything when I come home."_

 _"_ _So they still don't know we're dating?"_

 _Picking up a fallen leaf from the ground, she started to tear into pieces. "I doubt they'd even care about it."_

 _"_ _Of course they care," Remus said, stroking her arm up and down. "I know it seems now they don't, but you're their daughter. They want to know what's going on with you."_

 _With a sigh, Elsie leaned on his chest; her head hit against him a bit too hard which made him involuntarily growling. "Oh, I'm so sorry," she said, straightening herself up again, but Remus shook his head, placed his hand on her arm and pulled her back._

 _"_ _It's okay, don't worry," he gently kept running his fingers through her hair while she listened his heartbeat, which was a lot more rapid than usual. She took his other hand between both of hers, rubbing her thumbs again his skin._

 _"_ _Have you heard about this Wolfsbane Potion? It's something new I think, but they say it's really good and helps to ease the symptoms."_

 _Remus nodded slowly. "Yeah, I looked into it. But even if I had enough money for the ingredients, I'd probably mess it up. It's really complex and Potions never was my strong suit."_

 _"_ _I could help you," Elsie said immediately, looking up at him._

 _"_ _No offense, but if you'd brew it, I probably transform into a wolf forever or blow myself up," he said with a chuckle, trying to joke, even when he knew what was she really thinking about._

 _"_ _Very funny," she said, only gently hitting him on his shoulder. "What I meant is I could buy the ingredients and James or Lily could make the potion, they're both good at it."_

 _Remus shook his head, his eyes firm and serious. "No way, Elizabeth. Don't you think Sirius and James haven't tried with this already. You've all done and risked enough for me already. I don't need you to spend galleons on me every month just so I can feel better."_

 _"_ _But…"_

 _"_ _I said no," he said angrily, pushing her hands away and standing up from the ground. He walked away and only stopped next to the fence, tapping his hand at the top of the wood. It wasn't rare to see him angry, especially around full moon, but there was something in his eyes that was more than only anger._

 _Elsie walked to him, examining his face, but he looked down on his feet. "What's wrong?" she asked in a small voice, and was a bit surprised she got an answer immediately._

 _"_ _You know, my parents weren't always poor. I'm not saying we were rich, but…" he sighed and finally looked up to meet with her eyes. "They spent all of their money trying to find a cure for me. I think they knew it was impossible all along, but they still hoped that something could help. It was all in vain."_

 _She stepped closer and took his hand between hers again, firmly, but talked in a low voice. "It wasn't in vain. I know it didn't help but they had hope, and I'm sure to them it was worth the knuts they spent on it," she cupped his face, tiptoed up and pressed her forehead against his. "We love you, and I'm sure that your friends would be rather poor if they could stop you from suffering, just like me."_

 _Remus rubbed his nose against hers and pressed a kiss on her forehead before pulled back, just so he could look at her. "I know. And I really appreciate it. But I couldn't watch one another person destroying themselves in any way to help me."_

 _Elsie sighed in defeat, but understood and accepted his reason. As much as she wanted to help him, she knew Remus would never agree on this. She nodded but didn't say anything._

 _She let out a small growl. "Can I stay? I really don't want to go home right now," she said, thinking about her parents and what a miracle is that they haven't cursed the roof off of the house yet during one of their heated argument._

 _"_ _That wouldn't be safe."_

 _"_ _I'll be in your room, sleeping in your bed," she explained, pulling back. "I won't be any closer when we were at Hogwarts."_

 _Remus thought she was right. Because she will sleep in his bed and he will be in the middle of the forest, far away from wizards and witches, where he couldn't hurt anyone. But only a couple hours passed after he last kissed her on the porch right before the sun set down, after he disappeared in the dark woods, and after everything went wrong._

 _Elsie could never sleep through the nights at full moon since she learned about Remus' condition. It was the first howl in the distance which woke her up, only minutes after she fell asleep; not even knowing it was him or just a wolf. She tossed and turned in the bed, trying to fall back in sleep for hours before she crawled out. She put on a sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt, picking up her wand before she left his room. She murmured "Lumos" as she walked through the house in the dark night. Remus' parents' door was ajar, and from the light murmurs she realized she wasn't the only one who couldn't find her dreams on that night._

 _She opened the front door silently and stepped out into the porch, where she grabbed a blanket from a wooden chair, draped it around her shoulders and plopped down. Even though she felt sleepy and tired, she knew she couldn't fall asleep. She watched the stars and tried not to think about how badly injured Remus would be when he got home in the morning._

 _Elsie should've gone back in the house when she first heard the approaching noises. First they were loud, echoing and distant, before they died away slowly and completely. She only realized then, when it was silence again that she was standing, her heart beating fast and hard against her ribs. She didn't know why stepped down from the porch and went closer to the forest, but once her legs started to move she was afraid to turn her back at the dark and deep woods. Her wand was in her hand, but the moon and the stars gave enough light to see without needing any other light source._

 _It was his eyes she saw first; along with that, almost at the same time she heard the low growl that came deep from his throat. She stepped backwards slowly and carefully, but as she moved, the werewolf stepped forward too. Where the moon gave enough light to see him, Elsie realized he wasn't much different than a normal wolf; except he was bigger and his eyes didn't change. It was a human's eyes._

 _She opened her mouth, but at the same moment she heard a voice in the shadows._

 _"_ _Don't talk," Sirius said, barely more than a whisper. Even if it was dark between the woods, she could see the fear on his face before he transformed back into his Animagus from; a stag carefully approached too._

 _She really didn't panic until Remus started to rush towards her. After that, everything happened to fast and too slow; he reached her too soon, his teeth sank into the sleeve of her sweater, pulling her deep into the woods. It felt like an eternity, while he was running with her, branches and rocks tearing her clothes and scratching her skin up. She felt her head bumped into something so hard she nearly blacked out, and when she next looked up, he was already hovered above her with loud growls._

 _"_ _Remus," she whispered and felt as a tear streamed down on her cheek, just a moment before he let out a painful whine and was pushed away from her. She just had a time to take one last look at him, as Prongs tried to hold him back, before Sirius lifted her up by her arms._

 _"_ _Come on, we need to hurry," he said, but even if he held her with one arm, Elsie almost stumbled upon her own feet. She felt herself dizzy as her head was hurt with a stinging pain. They heard the approaching footsteps and Sirius just had a time to turn around when the werewolf was already there, reaching out and sinking his claws into her flesh where her sweater was already ripped._

 _The stag pushed him away again, harder this time, while Sirius quickly picked the girl up and started to run away, out from the woods, as fast as he could. He didn't look back, but they could hear whines and painful howls as they reached porch._

 _Sirius nearly broke the door out from its place as he burst into the house. He placed Elsie down on the couch, and even though she wasn't unconscious, she felt like the whole room was spinning around; the noises were mixed and blurry around her._

 _"_ _What happened with her?" Remus' father asked once he and his wife hurried out from their bedroom. They both looked frightened and already started to think the worst._

 _"_ _Remus, he attacked, no bites, just a scratch on her back I think," Sirius panted, before they carefully turned her around, rolling up her sweater on her back. Sirius felt his heart dropping on the floor, seeing her wounds. He only realized now his hands were covered in blood, too._

 _Hope kneeled down next to the couch, wiping her hair out from her face and asking her questions, but she could only nod and murmur incoherent sentences at this point. Lyall left the room quickly but returned soon with a suitcase, pulling out flasks and herbals and placing each of them on the table before she started to clean the wounds up._

 _"_ _Will she turn into a werewolf?" Sirius asked, not even trying to hide the fear in his voice._

 _"_ _No, she won't," Remus' father answered, causing Hope to let out a loud, relieved sigh. "But I need be quick to prevent any permanent damage," he said before he started to murmuring healing spells._

 _The next couple hours went terribly slowly. Lyall used every healing charm he could think of, and they knew there would be no any changes in her behaviour in the future. The scars, in the other hand – there were no charm or potion or herb that could vanish them._

 _Sirius stayed by her side for the rest of the night. He didn't worry about her anymore – he knew she'd be alright. He worried about Remus, because he knew he'd never forget what happened._

 _Remus rushed through the forest in the moment he was himself again. He didn't stop, he didn't think about waiting for James and Peter, he ignored his aching muscles; all he could think about to see her._

 _He only stopped in front of his room, where he suddenly slowed down, scared of what he might find inside. His eyes met with Sirius' first, who straightened himself up in the chair he was sitting in, before Remus walked inside and slowly sat down next to Elsie, staring her face._

 _"_ _She'll be fine," Sirius said. "And your dad healed her scars too… well, as much as it was possible. She got some sleeping potion."_

 _A huge weight lifted off Remus' shoulder as she saw her alive, knowing for sure now he didn't caused any more damage than a few scars. But it was still way too much for him. "I should've never let this happen."_

 _"_ _Moony, I know what you're thinking about, but she's fine…" Sirius started, but Remus couldn't hear what he was saying anymore. All he could think about her face, the fear in her eyes, her screams as he was dragging her through the woods, the soft murmur of his name, her tear, and how badly he wanted to hurt her…_

 _"_ _I'll take her home," Remus said, cut Sirius off even though he had no idea what he was talking about at the moment. "I'll take her home and she'll never see me again."_

 _"_ _Well I don't think she'd easily agree on that."_

 _Remus nodded and finally stood up, looking at his friend. "I know. She wouldn't. I need to… I'm going to Obliviate her."_

 _"_ _You want to make her to forget about yesterday?"_

 _"_ _I want to make her to forget she ever met me."_

 _Sirius raised his eyebrows and let out a short chuckle; it sounded so unbelievable he thought it was only a joke. But behind Remus' eyes there were nothing, only sadness and commitment. "Are you fucking kidding me?"_

 _"_ _No, listen—"_

 _"_ _You can't do that to her!" Sirius shouted. They both looked at Elsie for a moment, but the potion pulled her into the deepest sleep._

 _"_ _You know what I can't do to her? Hurt her. I'm not going to risk it again."_

 _Sirius looked like someone who just got slapped in the face. "Listen, it wasn't your fault. She shouldn't have been out there; it was her mistake, not yours!"_

 _"_ _You can't blame her for something that I did!" Remus shouted this time; his voice is hoarse and it was a miracle his legs could still hold him standing._

 _"_ _It doesn't matter whose fault it was, okay? It happened, we'll all get over it, and you know she will too. Don't do anything stupid," Sirius said warningly, but Remus already made his decision._

 _"_ _Yeah, she will. And what if I hurt her again?" he asked on a low voice, looking at her sleeping form again. He heard Sirius sighing behind him. "I'm not going to risk it."_

 _He walked closer to the bed and carefully picked her up into his arms. He didn't look at Sirius and Sirius didn't look at him; he couldn't believe he really will do this. Remus Disapparated, hoping she'd still be asleep when they arrived._

 _She shifted and whined in her sleep, but didn't wake up after Remus put her down on her own bed. He took her t-shirt off – his t-shirt, which Hope put on her earlier – before he searched for another in her wardrobe. He examined her scars; his dad made a nice job with them. They're only white lines now, but it was still enough to make him feel terrible._

 _He looked around the room after he dressed her up; he was there only once before, a couple weeks earlier when he sneaked up in the middle of the night. He smiled at the memory, but his smile quickly vanished. He started collecting everything that could remind her of him; there was one picture about them, smiling and waving at the camera, there was some letters from him, all together at her desk. He found two of his sweaters in her wardrobe, a t-shirt, and one of his books. With aching heart, he pulled her diary out from her trunk; he knew how important it was to her and how many things she wrote it down._

 _Remus pulled his wand out from his pocket and pointed at her. His hand were shaking from weariness or fear, he couldn't decide which one. He never used this spell before, but the word left his lips confidently._

"Why are you looking at me like this?" Elsie's voice suddenly broke the long silence. She was smiling though, as she had no any idea what Remus could possibly think in those moments.

But he only shook his head, trying to smile, but unable to say anything.

"Well, I should probably go home. Maybe Juliet already left too."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Remus started, pulling himself together. "I met with her in the kitchen in the morning. She asked me if we slept together."

She slapped her palm against her forehead. "Did she really ask using those words? Because then I'm not sure it was really her," Elsie said, thinking about her friend and her usually not so nice choice of words.

"She did," Remus chuckled. "I told her we didn't but I'm not sure she believed me."

"Great," she sighed.

"I need to ask, how did you two become friends? You seem so completely different," Remus asked, and Elsie could understand him.

"Good question," she smiled. "I sat next to her in our first class. And we started to talk, and… I don't know? She talked a lot and I didn't, but she pushed me out of my comfort zone every day. I've changed a lot because of her."

Remus smiled; he was happy to see there was someone in her life even after he left her. Elsie stood up from the bed and picked her dress up the floor, but turned back to Remus a moment later. "Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday. I pushed you into kiss me and I asked questions that you clearly didn't want to answer. I really shouldn't have done that," she said, picking the hem of her dress with her fingers. "I understand if you don't want anything from me."

Remus should've stay in silence and let her go with that, but he didn't. He couldn't, and the words came out with a sigh. "You know it's more than that."

"What do you mean?" she asked, looking up.

"You know what I mean," he said, and now he avoided her eyes.

Elsie dropped her clothes on the bed and sat back next to Remus, cupping his cheek and turning his face towards her. "So this is it? You'd like to be with me, you're just still afraid you'd hurt me?"

Remus nodded slightly, leaned on her touch and pressed a kiss on the inside of her wrist. "I'm not going to hurt you…" _again_ , he almost said, but stopped just in time.

She felt her heartbeat fastening, and couldn't stop herself from saying out loud what she was sure of for weeks now, "But I love you."

"Don't do that to yourself," he said slowly, looking up at her. A painful chuckle left his mouth along the last word, but his face quickly went back to sorrowful. As he saw tears gathered in her eyes, he sat closer and took her face between his palms. "Listen. I won't deny that I love you too," he said lowly inches from her lips, looking into her eyes. "But I can't do this with you. I can't risk your life."

"But Remus," she whined, tears choking her, but he cut her off.

"I can't, okay? You deserve someone _normal;_ and you could find someone better than me easily."

Elsie shook her head. "I want _you_."

Remus let his hands fell of her face as he let out a shaky breath. He collected all of his remained self-control, trying not to kiss her here and then. He pulled back and shook his head as a no again.

Elsie felt herself frustrated. Knowing he loved her too made the whole situation even worse; why was he so concerned about something that might can happen? She couldn't stop her tears from spilling down her cheeks.

"Please don't cry," he murmured, wiping her tears away.

"How could I not cry when you just told me you love me? When you say you love me but you still don't want to be with me?"

Remus wrapped his hands around her and pulled her closer, letting her sobbing on his shoulder. "I love you, and this is why I'm not going to risk your life. I'd do anything to keep you safe, and if the only way is I need to stay away from you, then I'll stay away from you."

At his words, Elsie only dig her nails deeper in his shoulder, sobbing silently on and on. Even if she understood what Remus said to her, and even she could hear the commitment on his voice, she knew she won't let him go so easily; she couldn't do that anymore.


	7. My Light in the Dark I

_"_ _Mate," Sirius sighed, stopping swinging in his chair. "Can't you just go and ask her out finally?"_

 _Remus slowly tuned his head back at Sirius before he looked around; James and Peter were staring him, too. "No," he answered simply, returning to his Transfiguration book. He noticed the girl first around the end of the last year, when they both spent a lot of time in the library, studying for their exams. He kept admiring her from afar, and it didn't seem she noticed him at all._

 _Sirius just growled, but James leaned forward and adjusted his glasses, speaking with a sleepy voice. "Yeah, Moony. You practically haven't taken your eyes off her since we came here. Three hours ago."_

 _"_ _You'd be cute together," Peter grinned after he looked at the girl, too._

 _"_ _Yeah, she's a nerd, just like you. It's only our second week and she's already studying in the library," Sirius added, leaning back on his chair again._

 _"_ _What do you think we are doing?"_

 _Sirius looked around their table. James was doodling on a spare piece of parchment, Peter was eating a sandwich under the table, carefully hiding it from Madam Pince, while Sirius himself was sitting with nothing but his wand in front of him. Remus was the only one who had books and parchments at his part of the table, though a great amount his time was spent on staring the girl. "Definitely not studying."_

 _Remus sighed, but said nothing. The next couple minutes passed with the boys trying to convince him to stand up and talk to the girl, until Lily appeared next to them, resting her hand on Sirius' shoulder. James quickly crumpled the piece of parchment and stuffed it in his bag, and suddenly, he looked much more awaken than two seconds earlier._

 _"_ _Can I help?" Lily asked with a smile, but her brows furrowed in concern. "Listening your dating tips is devastating."_

 _"_ _Is that so, Evans?" Sirius said with a raised eyebrow, looking offended. "Do you think you know more about girls than me?"_

 _James buried his face in his palms and Lily crossed her arms across her chest; her expression was close to the one that Sirius saw from McGonagall so many times. "Well, it may have escaped your notice, but I'm a girl."_

 _"_ _Yeah, but I've dated more girls than you," he grinned._

 _Lily opened her mouth to argue back, but Remus cut her off before she could've said anything. "I don't need any of your advice, okay? I won't talk to her."_

 _"_ _Oh, but why? James was right, you really can't take your eyes off her," Lily said, walking to Remus and sitting down between him and James, who blushed and felt very proud that Lily Evans thought he was right. "She's a nice girl, you should definitely talk with her."_

 _"_ _You know her?"_

 _"_ _I do. Her name is Elizabeth. Slughorn asked me to help her because she's really bad at Potions," Lily replied, causing Sirius to clap his hands together._

 _"_ _See? Another thing you have in common."_

 _Remus shot a half-angry look at him, but Lily went on quickly. "No, I mean… she's really, really bad," she said to Sirius, before turned back to Remus with a kind smile. "What I wanted to say… I'm Head Girl now, so…"_

 _"_ _Are you? We haven't noticed," Sirius cut her off. Lily threatened him multiple times every day that she can give him detention now (even if she never did so far)._

 _The redhead girl looked at him warningly before she continued. "…so I have a lot of other things to do and don't have time to give extra lessons… but you have," she grinned mischievously, causing James' heart to flutter in his chest._

 _"_ _You do have time," Remus murmured, shifting in his chair._

 _"_ _She doesn't need to know that."_

 _All the boys and Lily were looking at Remus now, waiting for his answer. Usually he didn't have a problem with flirting, but when it came to someone he really liked…_

 _He sighed and stood up, but his legs moved faster than his mind; he didn't know what to say to her, his heart was banging against his ribs, he was sweating; he stopped too close and almost bumped into her while she tried to reach a book on a higher shelf._

 _"_ _Hello, erm, let me help you," Remus said, but as he reached for the book she tried to take off, he knocked off at least a dozen other books, too._

 _Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head, while Peter and James quickly turned away, trying to hide their laughs. "Shut up," Lily whisper-screamed, hitting James on his shoulder._

 _"_ _Shit – I'm sorry – just – fuck," he stammered, trying to catch the falling books. After the last one fell on the ground, he waved his wand and levitated them back on their place, giving the one to her she wanted to pick up earlier._

 _"_ _Thank you for your… help," she said in a low voice, her face still surprised and couldn't decide she should laugh or not._

 _"_ _You're welcome. Elizabeth, right?"_

 _"_ _Just Elsie, please," she said, sitting down back to her table. She had a beautiful, sweet smile, the kind of that made her eyes lit up, too. Her long, brown hair was pulled into a ponytail, but it was still a bit messy._

 _Remus took a seat in front of her, and after long seconds of awkward silence, he finally found his voice again. "Oh, sorry. I'm Remus."_

 _She just smiled at him again without a word, her fingers toying with her sleeves; Remus could tell she had absolutely no idea what he wanted from her, and she was nervous – she was just better in hiding it than him. He cleared his throat, but once again, his mind was slower as he started to speak, "Lily told me you're terrible at Potions."_

 _He heard as someone behind him let out one, loud but short laugh, another one growled, and a third one slapped their hand against their forehead. He could feel as he could just slap himself – or jump through the window._

 _"_ _How really nice of her," she said, but didn't seem offended at all._

 _"_ _No, I mean…" Remus started, but stopped and took a deep breath. "She just said you aren't really good and that she used to help you but now she's busy because she's Head Girl so she asked me to help you from now on if it's okay with you of course?" he rattled off without taking a breath or slowing down._

 _Elsie wished she could stop the blush rising up on her cheeks, but more she wanted to stop, more she felt the hot waves on her face. Remus was very handsome, and the thought of him and her studying together in private made her nervous but excited at the same time. "Of course. Any kind of help would be great for me."_

 _They agreed on that they should meet every Friday afternoon – as both of them had only three lessons on that day. But the weekly study sessions turned into more and more, until there was not a day when they didn't see each other._

Remus thought back on a lot of things after Elsie cried herself to sleep in his arms. He remembered those times when they just started to meet; she used to be so quiet and shy and it took her a month until she had enough courage to talk, without him asking questions. He was thinking about how much she changed in a good way. She became more talkative with every time they spent together; not just with him, but with his friends as well. He'd never thought that someone like Elsie could become best friends with Sirius, but somehow their opposites brought them close to each other. Remus was surprised, but happy to see that even after he took her memories away, she didn't go back to that state she used to be before they've met. Or maybe she did – she definitely did – but something still made her grow again. And he knew now that that something was her friend, Juliet. He smiled at the irony of it – as she could find someone like Juliet after Sirius.

She shifted on top of him a bit before she rolled off, sat up and cleared her throat, but avoided his eyes for long moments before she finally looked at him. "I should go home now," she said before she stood up and started to change her clothes. Remus fixed his gaze on the floor, trying to collect his thoughts. He only stood up when Elsie already opened the door.

"Listen, I…" he started, but the words stuck in his throat. He didn't exactly know what he should say that wouldn't be a lie or something really stupid, again.

"Don't say anything," she said finally, taking a step closer to him, her hand fell off of the handle. "In the past months I made you promise me you'll look for me, but you never did. Don't promise that again. And don't say you're sorry," she shook her head, and since she felt she sounded too blunt, she quickly added, "I'm not angry at you, Remus, don't think that. Just don't promise me something that you already know you won't keep."

Remus nodded and watched as she left his room. Juliet stood in the living room with Sirius, her coat on and her suitcase in her hands, ready to leave. She looked at Elsie with raised eyebrows. "I thought you already left."

"Leaving now," she replied, trying to force a smile as she put her coat on. After they said their goodbyes and the girls both agreed they need a refreshing walk, they left the apartment and stepped into the cool winter weather. Elsie inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, but opened them when she heard Juliet was growling lowly.

"Every inch of my body is hurt," she huffed. "What the hell happened yesterday?"

Elsie shrugged. "Maybe you should ask Sirius about that."

"Very funny," Juliet tutted, but smiled as well. "But we didn't have sex last night."

"Really?" Elsie asked in surprise. "He was so eager to pull you into his room."

She then saw something that she had never seen before or since then from Juliet: she blushed. It was only a light pink colour on her cheeks, but it still shocked Elsie so much she almost bumped into a lamppost.

"Well, yes, we were both so wasted we fall asleep before we could even take our clothes off," she said in a confident voice, but quickly changed the subject. "And what about you and Remus?"

She rolled her eyes at her question and as she saw the smug smile on her face. "Nothing happened, Juliet. We were just _sleeping_ together."

"Why? I mean, he looked really hot without a t-shirt, how could you not doing anything with him?"

Elsie laughed, but shook her head. "I was really, _really_ drunk," she said, and rather left the part out that Remus was the one who took her dress off.

"Even better! You first time will be terrible anyway."

The rest of the walk passed in silence. Only Juliet said something here and then; Elsie couldn't help but think back about what Remus said to her only a couple hours earlier. As they stepped into the flat, she wanted nothing more than take a hot bath, but her friend stopped her before she could left the living room.

"Did something happened between you two?"

Elsie bit her lip and considered whether if she should tell her or not, but she knew Juliet won't let her until she tells what happened. Besides, maybe she could use her advice now. "He told me he loves me but he's too scared he'd hurt me," she said in a low voice, sitting down on the couch. "No matter what I told him, he said he'd do anything to keep me safe."

A small growl left Juliet's lips as she plopped down in front of her. "You love him too, right?"

After Elsie only nodded, they fell in silence for longs minutes. Juliet always could give great advices about boys, but when it came to love, she wasn't such an expert. "Look," she started finally. "I hate to say this because I really want you two to be together… but maybe you should let him go."

Elsie felt her heart sink to the floor; it was something she had in mind too, she just hoped she could find another solution.

"Just focus on yourself, or school, or maybe go some dates too, and he'll see how much he misses you," Juliet said, standing up and sitting down next to her friend. "And if he won't… he isn't worth it anyway. I know, I know, it isn't so easy," she quickly added. "Especially if you're really in love with someone. But don't waste your time on someone who tries to do anything to push you away."

* * *

As much as it hurt to admit, Juliet was right. If Remus wanted to stay away from Elsie, why should she run after him with everything she had? At first, she protested the idea, but as she stopped looking for him and he did nothing to see her, she admitted to herself there wasn't anything she could do. She didn't want to give up on him, but his constant rejection hurt too much.

In the meantime, she did as Juliet told her and kept her mind busy. She spent a lot of time with her friends, studied a lot, and ever went out with Juliet and Sirius from time to time – their company was definitely the most helpful.

And all the time she spent with writing paid off soon: Mrs Averill offered her a job at The Witch Weekly, where she was an editor. She got smaller projects but the new work still kept her even more occupied, especially after the Dementor attacks started again around London. By the time Elsie finally was at home alone with absolutely nothing do to, she was glad she could sleep – she didn't have time or energy to think about anything else.

Not until she got a parcel at the 10th of March. There was only a small note attached with Lisa's tiny handwriting, saying, _"_ _Sorry for choosing alone, but I'm sure you'll like it. I made it myself!"_

"Oh my God!" Juliet yelled when she saw the dress in Elsie's hands. It was simple and short, navy coloured with a V-neck. "It's so beautiful."

"It is," Elsie smiled, but almost instantly, another thought slipped into her mind. It seemed Juliet was thinking about the same, as her smiled died away, too.

"So… will you still go with him?"

She thought about it for a few seconds before she shook her head as a no. "I haven't talk with him in the last two months."

"Exactly!" Juliet said excitedly. "I'm sure now both of you calmed down. Just ask him if he still wants to go. He really misses you, you know."

Elsie snapped her head up. "Did he told you that?"

Sirius," she replied. "And I know you miss him too."

"I don't," Elsie said, and even though she meant it, Juliet knew it wasn't the truth.

"Just talk to him! It won't hurt."

I wouldn't be so sure about that, Elsie thought, thinking back about their last conversation. But she stayed in silence, so Juliet went on. "They'll be in the Leaky Cauldron tonight, since today it's Remus' birthday."

Elsie didn't want to go; especially not in his birthday. She even went to bed and tried to sleep early on that night, but it was impossible while Juliet stood at her door and kept talking about why she should definitely go with her. It was deep in the night when she threw the blanket off in defeat and jumped out from the bed; Juliet was sitting in the living room in a nice dress, still waiting for her. "I knew you'll come," she grinned mischievously. "Wear something short for him, it's his birthday, after all."

Elsie shot an angry look at her before she went back to her bedroom and put on a black jeans and a white sweater. A couple minutes later they were already at the Diagon Alley, standing at the entrance of the Leaky Cauldron. Juliet opened the door and pulled her friend with herself, who still wasn't sure she should be here. Since it was a Tuesday night, the place was nearly empty; there were only three old, drunken wizard at the bar counter, discussing the latest Quiddicth match in a heated argument. A woman, who Elsie was sure was at least a part hag, was drinking some dense, black liquid from a small glass. A young man was eating a late night dinner in the middle of the place, and at the back of the bar, was a bigger group, sitting around two tables.

When Juliet spotted them, she immediately started to walk towards them, still grasping Elsie's forearm as she was sure if she'd let her go, she'd go home instantly.

Elsie was sure about it, too, but their eyes met, and she was done.

How could she think even for a single second that she got over him? She felt tears gathered in her eyes as all those feelings she buried somewhere deep in the past two months overwhelmed her now.

"I need to go to the loo," she said to Juliet just a second later they stopped next to the table; she jerked her arm away and quickly hurried across the room, closing the door behind herself. She washed her face in cold water and tried to calm herself down, and only after long minutes when she was sure she isn't going to burst into tears, she left the toilet. For her surprise, Remus was already waiting for her there; she almost jumped back as she didn't expect anyone there.

"I'm sorry," he said apologetically with a small smile. "I just wanted to check if you are okay."

"I'm fine," she lied, and changed the subject before he could asked anything else. "Happy birthday, Remus," she smiled, and hesitantly stepped closer, tiptoed up and pressed a kiss on his cheeks.

He put his hand on her upper arm and ran his palm along it slowly, grasping her hand before he let her go. "Thank you."

The corridor was dimly lit, almost completely dark, but suddenly, Elsie felt herself nervous about her look. _Merlin's beard, why haven't I put any make up on? I even forget to brush my hair._ She run her fingers through her locks a couple times, before she stated to fiddling with the end of her sleeves, avoiding his eyes as she spoke up.

"I wanted to ask if you still want to come with me to the wedding. I know we haven't talked in a while," she said, looking at him now, and added in a lower voice, "I missed you."

"Of course, I'd like to go with you," he replied, and firstly he didn't want to say, but it slipped out. "I missed you too."

They stood there in silence for a while. It almost started to feel awkward, until Remus spoke up again, "You look pretty."

Elsie looked up at him with raised eyebrows; her mouth fell open before she started to laugh loudly. It echoed at the empty corridor and the sound melted Remus' heart.

"I'm wearing an old pair of jeans, an oversized sweater, I just got out from bed fifteen minutes ago and I forget to brush my hair. And I don't have any make up on."

Remus nodded with a smile. "Mhm, sorry. Let me correct myself. You're beautiful."

"Oh, c'mon," she rolled her eyes after another short laugh, but thanked him after she found his eyes again.

Remus couldn't help it. Somehow the past two months were even harder without her than the two years before, and now that he saw her again, heard her laugh, _made_ her laugh, he wanted nothing more than close his arms around her and never let her go ever again.

Without thinking more about it, he stepped closer, placed a hand on her cheek and another on her waist, pulled her closer, until their bodies were pressed against each other. He looked at her lips and she looked at his as he leaned down, closed the gap between them and kissed her slowly, gently. The deep kisses was followed by some short ones, smiling against each other's lips before their soft tongues met again. Elsie felt she could keep kissing him for hours, but she broke away from him, eyes still closed and her forehead pressed against his face.

"Remus, I…"

"I can't live without you," he cut her off quietly, causing Elsie to look at him immediately. "I just… I know I shouldn't do this, I know, but…" he pressed a short, soft kiss on her lips. "I love you."

She cupped his cheeks. "Then stop fighting about it."

The feeling of her sweet lips and her soft skin, and that damned flowery scent clouded Remus' mind. He couldn't protest anymore, no matter how wrong was this all. He couldn't push her away anymore.

Elsie's eyes lit up with happiness when she saw him nodding and smiling. For that look on her face, it's already worth it, Remus thought before she pulled his face closer and kissed him hastily. He chuckled into her mouth before slightly pulling away. "Slow down, yeah? We aren't going anywhere."

She kissed him again, slower, and they let themselves be lost in the moment until they heard the approaching, hurried footsteps. They broke the kiss and their gaze met with Lily's, whose eyes widened and her legs stopped for a second before she continued her way. "I really need to pee," she said, one hand on her swollen belly as she rushed into the ladies'.

After they went back to their table and sat down next to each other, they tried to avoid every kind of physical contact – they weren't sue that would be the best way to coming out. It still didn't take long until Remus' hand found Elsie's; their fingers intertwined, resting on her lap. It also didn't take long until Juliet noticed it – Elsie looked at her face and she could tell Juliet was screaming internally. It was a miracle she managed to leave it without a comment, especially because she was already tipsy as she had too many drinks in a short time.

Around midnight, a drunk Peter left to escort home an even more drunk Mary; Elsie shifted a yawn and stretched out her arms. "I should go too, it's late and we have a class at nine," she said, turning her face at Juliet's empty place.

"She's probably with Sirius," Remus said, nodding his head towards Sirius' empty chair. "I can walk you home if you'd like to leave."

Elsie considered his offer for a second, but she didn't want to leave her drunken friend behind without even check if she was okay. Just as she opened her mouth, Sirius plopped down next to her, almost knocking the glasses off of the table. Elsie quickly grabbed her own, half full glass.

"Have you seen my girl?"

"Aww, _your_ girl?" she asked with a sweet voice. "I thought she was with you."

Sirius grinned proudly, but haven't told them where or what they were doing. "Yeah, she was. I just thought she already came back."

Elsie finished the remaining of her wine; maybe she shouldn't have, and maybe that was the reason the question escaped her mouth, "Will you ever tell her you're in love with her?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows, but avoided both Elsie's and Remus' eyes, fixing his gaze on his firewhisky. "I'm not in love with her."

"Yes, you are," Remus murmured, and Elsie added, "You're both so stubborn."

Raising his glasses up, Sirius almost spilled the whole drink around them as he asked, "Why, is she in love with me?"

"Are you blind? Of course she is," she said, and seeing Sirius' confused face, she continued. "No, she hasn't told anything like that to me. She'd never admit it."

Sirius fell in silence for the rest of the night, and thankfully, Juliet appeared soon too.

"Are you okay? Where were you?" Elsie asked in concern, and Juliet said something like she lost her knickers, but she was slurring her words and rested her head on the table. Sirius whispered something in her ear that made the blonde girl laugh and lifting her head up from the table.

After they all agreed on they should go home, they left the pub and said their goodbyes on the empty, dimly lit street. Remus kissed Elsie one last time and promised her he'll visit her on the weekend, before the two girls walked out from the alley – Juliet clutching on her friend for some support.

Sirius lit a cigarette and seemed like he was still brooding, but stepped away from them after Lily shot an angry look at him as he blew out the smoke too closely to her.

"So you and Elsie… are you together again?" James asked slowly and uncertainty, but a smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

Remus nodded. "It seems like we are."

"Fucking finally," Sirius added from the background.

"Okay, let me ask you something," Lily started, her eyebrows furrowed in anger. "What the hell are you doing, Remus"?

Both James and Remus looked at him questioningly, her voice loud. "Am I really the only one who uses her right mind here? Remus, you Obliviated her, or did you forget about that?"

"No, I didn't," he answered bitterly.

"Then I seriously can't understand what you are thinking! Are you planning to build your relationship on a lie? And continue lying to her… until what? Something happens that you don't like and you'll Obliviate her again?"

"Lily…" James placed his hand on her arm, but Lily stepped closer to Remus.

"What do you think I should do, then? Tell her everything? Remus shouted now, too.

Lily shook her head. "It doesn't really matter anymore, because whatever you're doing, you'll hurt her. Keep it as a secret, but it will turn out sooner or later. Or yes, tell her now, and she'll never going to trust in anyone again," she turned her voice down, but her green eyes were filled with fury. "You shouldn't have…"

"Don't tell me what I shouldn't have done, okay? I can't take it back!"

"Okay now, both of you," James started, stepping between the shouting Remus and Lily. "Calm down."

Lily watched Remus for a long second in silence before she added quietly, "Fix this somehow."

All the joy Remus felt in the past couple of hours disappeared. Once again, he was inches from losing her for good – who would ever forgive something like that? He walked home with Sirius without saying a single word, and from his silence, Remus knew Sirius agreed with Lily.


	8. My Light in the Dark II

"I really need to pee," Juliet whined loudly, her steps quick but unsteady as they were walking home in the dark night.

Elsie sighed, as she'd heard this sentence at least sixty times in the last fifteen seconds from her friend. She wanted to Apparate home, but Elsie reminded Juliet that the last time when they Disapparated from a party, both drunk, the blonde puked all over places they only got glimpses of.

"We're almost home."

"Okay, okay," she grumbled in answer, but her voice became more playful in the next seconds. "Will you ever tell me what happened on that half an hour when you disappeared with Remus?"

"It wasn't a half an hour," Elsie said a bit embarrassed under Juliet's piercing gaze, but couldn't wipe the smile off her face that was there for hours now.

"It was enough for me to get drunk. And you didn't answer my question!" she yelled and spread her arms out suddenly, losing the control over her voice and her balance as well; Elsie quickly grabbed her arm before she could fall over. She let Juliet clutch her arms around hers for some support as they continued their walk on the quiet street.

"You're going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

"Don't change the subject," Juliet warned her with a mischievous smile.

With a roll of her eyes, Elsie turned her head towards Juliet, trying to keep her face straight. "We were talking, and…"

"Into each other's mouths?"

Elsie closed her eyes and chuckled, while Juliet went on. "Why are you like this? I even told you what Sirius' dick looks like."

"Thank you; I still remember that… very detailed description."

"You're welcome," she winked before Elsie led her up on the stairs and into the house. She helped Juliet take her jacket off and walked with her into her bedroom. She grabbed a glass that was on her nightstand and conjured some water while Juliet took her dress off, tossed it on the floor and fell into the bed, pulling a blanket over her naked body.

"The room is spinning!"

"Drink this," Elsie said after she plopped down next to her.

"Okay, mum." Juliet raised her head up just enough so she could drink the water; when she finished, she put the glass down and let her head fall back on the soft pillow. "So I guess you leave me in the darkness. You know that means I'm going to assume you two did the dirtiest things in that dark corridor," Juliet mumbled with closed eyes.

With a sigh, Elsie lied down on the bed next to Juliet as waves of drowsiness overwhelmed her, too. "And you know that only means you have a dirty mind, not that we did any dirty thing."

"No. I mean, we already knew I have a dirty mind. You, disappearing with a boy for hours – that's something new."

Elsie ignored that the half an hour grew to hours suddenly; she smiled and closed her eyes. "We were kissing."

"Yeah, I know you were," Juliet said slowly before she chuckled into her blanket, a satisfied smile plastered on her face.

"But we really talked too! You know, it can be useful sometimes," she said meaningfully, opening her eyes, but Juliet's were still closed as she let out a growl.

"Don't start this again. And I don't know why you think I don't talk about anything with Sirius! Actually, we talk a lot."

"About your relationship?"

Juliet tutted, her voice annoyed. "No, not our relationship. Because there isn't any relationship we could talk about," she said as firmly as her drunken condition let her and quickly added, "Now let me sleep before I throw up."

Elsie sighed in defeat, but didn't want to argue about it with Juliet again – this wasn't the first time she tried to talk about this with her. She listened Juliet's quiet, incoherent mumbles about how much her head was hurting, about how she didn't understand why the room was still spinning around even when she closed her eyes, and about how happy she was that Remus and Elsie were finally together. Juliet fell asleep in the middle of her sentence, and Elsie followed her not so long after.

…

While Elsie felt herself in heaven, the rest of the week passed in a miserable mood for Remus. He knew Lily was right, he knew that with every day he spent with Elsie, with every minute he kept lying to her, he only made it worse. It wasn't easy to lie. He felt like the truth wanted to burst out from him in every second, yet it was still easier than telling her what happened. He knew he'd lost her, but he wanted to be with her so badly; now that he got her back, it seemed impossible to let her go again.

On Saturday morning, he knocked at the door of her apartment, convincing himself that he was going to tell her everything. He kept telling himself that it was the right thing to do – he repeated it to himself so many times he'd completely believe it that this was something he's going to do…

Until she opened the door.

"I've never been so happy to see someone in my whole life," she said instantly, wrapping her hands around him and pressing her face against his chest.

It was like everything Remus was thinking about earlier got pressed out of him. "What's wrong?"

"Come in," she grumbled, pulling away and stepping inside the house with Remus. She pulled her messy hair up into a ponytail as he followed her into the kitchen, where she took cups down from the shelf to make some tea.

"This term is just killing me" she started finally, warming up the tea in the jug with her wand. "I just remembered yesterday that we're going to have an important exam on Monday, so I have to study a lot. I also need to write two essays and finish an interview. And there's my job; I just got the first big article I need to write by the end of the next week and I haven't even started it yet."

Remus stepped closer while she poured the hot beverage into the cups, placed a comforting hand on her back to draw small circles. "Don't worry so much about it. I'm sure you'll do amazing."

"Or I'll just fail everything," she said half-jokingly, holding the cups up.

But Remus noticed her eyes were slightly teary, and he knew she was really, truly worried. "Listen," he started, taking the cups out from her hand and placing them down on the table before she cupped her cheeks. "You got this job for a reason. And so what if you fail an exam? Fuck it. You can do it again."

Elsie laughed. "That was really cheerful."

"Well, it made you laugh…" he smiled before leaned down for a soft kiss. "Take a few hours' break, okay?"

She nodded silently before they walked back into the living room with their tea; they tried to talk about everything but school and work. It still didn't take long until they started to discuss the attacks; Dark wizards and dementors had been terrorizing the country for months now. Even the Aurors were clueless – at least it seemed they were.

"You surely know something, don't you?" Elsie asked hopefully with narrowed eyes, a half smile on her lips. "I could write that article so much more easily with some extra information…"

"They'll kill me if I tell you anything."

She pouted but it turned into a smile soon; it was amazing how his presence helped her to cam herself down. Remus watched her in silence for long seconds before he sat closer and captured her lips into a gentle, passionate kiss. He leaned closer and closer, until her back was pressed against the armrest, her arms around him; his hand resting on the top of her thigh. He slowly made his way up, slipping his hand under her t-shirt, his thumb drawing soft circles over her hipbone. He knew how much she liked it, and Elsie felt herself shivering at the contact.

As the sweet minutes passed, they became lost in each other so much that neither of them noticed when the door opened and closed; only the approaching footsteps caught their attention, as the sounds of a clicking of a pair of heels echoed in the place. They broke up and looked at Juliet, who walked into the kitchen with a smug smile on her face. "Don't mind me."

Remus rubbed the back of his neck with a smile while Elsie shook her head. "Sorry," she said.

"Don't be," said Remus. "I've seen her with Sirius much worse situations before."

"Yeah, me too," Elsie said. "The difference is that you and I aren't spending the rest of the day looking at your friend with a pleased smile."

He chuckled before he stood up from the couch, looking down at her. "I should go."

"Do you really have to?" she asked and followed him, a disappointed expression on her face while she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Yes, I still have some work to finish," Remus said, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "I just wanted to see you."

She let out a short whine, but smiled too before Remus pressed a kiss on her forehead. After he left, Elsie walked into the kitchen, but for her surprise, there was no mischievous smile on Juliet's face, nor funny comments. She was just sitting at the table, reading the latest Witch Weekly and drinking her coffee.

"I thought you were spending the day with Sirius," Elsie started slowly, sitting down across her.

Juliet took a sip from her mug, not looking up from the magazine. "Yeah, me too."

"Is something wrong?"

"No," Juliet answered shortly and firmly, but a couple seconds later she put her pen down and looked up at her friend. "He's never kicked me out before!"

"He kicked you out?"

"He did!" Juliet said loudly, her eyebrows furrowed from both anger and confusion. "Well, not literally… but he said he didn't have time and he had to study… lies, obviously."

Elsie leaned back on her chair. "That might be true, Remus said they had a lot of work to finish. And don't you always say to me 'boys aren't so complicated?'"

Juliet took another sip from her coffee before she snapped the mug down so hard it was surprising it didn't break into pieces. "They aren't. That's why I know Remus is a nerd like you but when would Sirius choose homework over me?"

"You're just upset because this is the first time he rejected you. I'm sure it's nothing, Juliet."

But one week later nothing changed. Juliet decided she wouldn't go looking for Sirius and she'd wait until he made the next step, but Sirius made no effort to see the girl.

"It's been just a week," Juliet said lazily, acting like it didn't bother her at all, but Elsie knew her better than that. Not too long ago she refused to talk to everybody for a whole day as she was so frustrated about it.

Elsie hadn't seen Remus in the whole week – they both had so much studying and work that they simply couldn't make time for a date. But the busy days passed quickly and it was Saturday again, the day of Elsie's brother's wedding.

Juliet gasped loudly when her friend stepped into the living room. "Oh my God. You look amazing!" she said in awe, jumping up from the couch. Elsie had the navy dress on that she got from her future sister-in-law, her hair in a messy but elegant bun, and her light makeup perfectly defined her features.

"Thank you," she said with a broad smile on her face before both of them plopped on the couch; Elsie still had a half an hour before she had to go. She stared off into the distance, a smile still on her face. Her brother would finally get married, the boy she loved would be accompanying her to the wedding – of course she was excited!

"What are you thinking about?"

Elsie shrugged. "I just don't know what I should expect."

"Maybe you should take some condoms," Juliet shrugged, too.

"Juliet, why would I do that?" she asked with a pained voice.

Juliet let out a deep breath. "First of all, if you will be drunk, it's not the safest to use any protection charm on yourself. Been there, done that," she waved with raised eyebrows, "I had some really awkward moments at the St. Mungo's last year. Secondly," she continued, ignoring that her friend probably wanted to interrupt her, "wizards don't know about condoms at all! You should have seen Sirius' face when I told him about it. He froze, he couldn't say a word for minutes. He was like…" she stopped for a second to think, before her eyes lit up and snapped her fingers, looking back at Elsie. "…like dogs when they don't understand something. And I'm too young and irresponsible to be a godmother yet."

Juliet finished, looking pleased with herself, waiting for her friend's answer.

"I'm not going to sleep with him, okay?" Elsie said.

"Oh, you can never be so sure about that, honey."

"I have… standards…" Elsie answered slowly, not sure this was the thing she wanted to say.

Juliet looked at her with an eyebrow raised. "Are you saying I don't?"

Elsie sat closer, nodding slowly. "You slept with a vampire."

"Believe it or not, not the worst I had."

Their conversation stopped when they heard the knock on the front door – Juliet looked at Elsie with a broad smile before she pressed a kiss on her cheek. "Have a good time. Stay safe – oh, wait!" she quickly stood up from the couch and ran into her room. Elsie waited a few seconds, but as she heard another knock, she started to walk out from the living room. Juliet reached her when her hand was already on the handle; she grabbed her small bag and stuffed something into it.

"Juliet! Stop!" she whispered, considering they were standing in front of the door.

She zipped Elsie's bag closed before put her hands on her shoulders. "You can't say I don't care about you," she grinned and opened the door quickly, before Elsie could have say anything. "Hello Remus. Have a good time and take care of my girl."

Juliet winked at Elsie, but she already hurried back to the house, leaving Remus confused, seeing Elsie's flushed cheeks. "Are you okay?"

Elsie nodded hastily. "Yes. Sure," she grabbed her coat from the hanger, and Remus only now paid attention to running his eyes up and down her.

"You look beautiful, Elizabeth," he sighed out finally while she took on her coat, still feeling angry at Juliet. After his words she smiled and stepped closer, placing her hands on his chest; he wore a simple black suit with a white shirt.

"And you look dashing."

He leaned down to kiss her, but Elsie pulled back just when his lips were barely an inch from hers. "Don't. You'll smear my lipstick."

Remus sighed desperately, his gaze still on her lips. "I haven't seen you in a week and now I can't even kiss you?"

"Later," she said, patting his cheek before they Disapparated together.

…

The reception was the most beautiful that Elsie had ever seen. The grand ballroom was filled with white lilies and white roses, thousands of tiny white lights on the ceiling and around the white curtains. It wasn't a small wedding. The room was crowded with both the bride and the groom's families and friends, which meant two thousand people at least. Elsie looked around with her jaw hanging open, arm in arm with Remus until she noticed her mother hurrying up to her. Her eyes widened as she just remembered: she completely forget to tell her she's going to bring someone to the wedding.

"Finally, Elizabeth! I thought you got lost somewhere," she said as she hugged her daughter, but she pulled back soon, with her hands on her hips, her long, dark green dress hung all the way to the floor. However, her dark blue eyes – very similar to Elsie's – were on Remus.

"Mom, he's my… Remus Lupin. His name is Remus Lupin. He's my… boyfriend."

Remus looked down at her with narrowed eyes, but quickly looked back at her mother, who was clearly surprised. "It's nice to meet you Mrs… Ms…" he babbled out, not being sure how he should call her as she divorced.

"Just call me Margaret," she smiled kindly and placed his hand on his arm, before she quickly added. "Time to sit down! We'll have time to talk later," she added the last words, throwing a small glance at her daughter before they took seats on the front row.

"You didn't tell her we're dating?" Remus whispered as he leaned closer.

"I forgot."

Remus chuckled lowly and pressed a kiss on her temple, intertwined his fingers with hers as the gently murmurs in the room slowly died away. On the corner of the room, two young wizards started to play on a flute and on a guitar, creating a magical atmosphere as the sweet melodies filled the place. On Elsie's right, her mother had already started crying, so she rubbed her back comfortingly. Soon, soft murmurs and gasps echoed again as Lisa came walking up the aisle with her dad. She was wearing a simple but beautiful white dress, and tiny flowers placed between her short black locks. Elsie looked at her brother – his face was red and she could tell he was fighting really hard with his tears.

"Ladies and gentlemen! We are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of two faithful souls…" the short wizard started his speech, which Elsie could barely hear over her mother's loud sobbing.

"Merlin, Mom, stop it!" she whispered and shook her head. Margaret choked out something about how beautiful is this, and fortunately, her tears stopped soon. Elsie felt her own tears started gathering in her eyes, but she promised herself she wouldn't cry.

"Lisa…" Eddy started, taking a deep, shaky breath after Lisa's vow. "I left my speech at home. But I don't feel guilty about it, because I know you improvised yours," he said, making people laugh and pushing Elsie even closer to the edge of crying. The last straw was when he started to talk about how he fell in love with her when he first saw her in the Quidditch pitch at Hogwarts.

"Screw you, Edward," Elsie sobbed out, unzipping her bag and searching blindly for a handkerchief. She pulled it out, including three condoms, dropping them on the stone floor. She leaned down to pick them up, cursing under her breath, hoping she was quick enough and no one saw what happened, but her hopes were crushed with her mother's gasp.

"Elizabeth! What are you doing?" she whisper-screamed, her eyes widening.

"Nothing," she said, stuffing everything back into her back. At this point, she was sure her whole head was crimson, but she forced herself to look at Remus. He looked straight forward, covering his mouth with his palm, clearly trying to choke back his laugh. Elsie hit him on his arm with the back of her hand.

"Don't laugh at me."

He lowered his arm, straightened his face as much as he could and nodded hastily.

As the ceremony ended and they stood up, the short wizard waved his wand and the whole room got restructured; now there were round tables between the seats, leaving enough place for dancing. As a waiter walked past them, Elsie grabbed a glass from his tray, drinking it up all at once. She squeezed her eyes shut as the firewhisky coursed through her body.

She shivered and cleared her throat, finally forcing herself to look into Remus' eyes. "It was Juliet."

"I thought so," Remus nodded, a smile still tugging at the corner of his lips. "Oh, c'mon," he said, pulling her closer. "It wasn't so bad."

"Yeah, it really wasn't as bad as the conversation with my mother will be."

But thankfully, her mother forgot about it for the rest of the night. After they congratulated the newlyweds – with Elsie hugging her brother and crying on his shoulder for a good minute – they went to find a table with Remus. They just ate and drank and talked, until Remus had enough firewhisky to make him want to dance.

"Would you like to dance with me? But I'm telling you, I'm terrible dancer."

Elsie laughed but placed her glass down and stood up, "I don't care, I want to dance with you."

Remus' movements were indeed clumsy, but Elsie couldn't care less. She couldn't remember when the last time was when she felt herself so happy, and she was sure she never was so comfortable around anyone before. A slow song came, so they could finally catch their breaths. With their arms around each other, Elsie pressed her head against Remus' chest and gigged into his shirt, swaying around slowly.

"Can I kiss you now?"

Without giving him an answer, Elsie looked up at him and pulled his face down into a passionate kiss. She left him speechless for another minute, before they returned back to their table to rest their legs a bit.

They spend the rest of the night like this; dancing and drinking, drinking and dancing, with each other, with Elsie's relatives, with people they didn't know. It went on and on until none of them had the energy to stand anymore.

Elsie clutched her hands around Remus' neck and rested her head on his shoulder after they sat down, listening the slow music and the low chattering of the people who were still there. "Do you want to go home?" he asked, pressing his head against hers. She slowly nodded as a yes, so Remus stood up, pulling her up with himself. He helped her to take her coat on, before he cupped her cheeks. "Are you feeling alright?"

She growled a bit before she said, "Yes. Just need some fresh air."

Remus wrapped a hand around her before they left the place; the fresh, cool night air helped to clear Elsie's head up easily. They walked arm in arm, talking about how nice the reception was. She asked Remus if they could make a detour; her apartment wasn't far away but her head still wasn't completely clear. They made their way down the narrow and silent streets of the Diagon Alley; the always lively and crowded area was now quiet and empty. Only the pubs were still open here and there; as it was weekend, some of them was still filled with people. Elsie pulled her coat closer around herself; suddenly, probably as the effect of the alcohol started to leave her, she was freezing. Remus rubbed her back and told her they should go home now. She nodded and they started to walk faster, turning a corner and ready to leave the alley through the Leaky Cauldron, but as Remus pointed his wand at the brick wall, they heard a loud scream, followed by several others from behind their back.

They both turned around, but the noises were distant and they saw nothing from there. "Stay here, I'll check what's happening."

"What? I'm not going to leave you go alone!"

Remus sighed and turned his head impatiently towards the screams before he looked back at her. "Go into the Leaky Cauldron, okay? Talk to Tom, he knows who he has to call. If they are the Dark wizards from earlier, we need aurors immediately. Please."

Elsie nodded grudgingly, letting Remus go – she knew the main reason he wanted to go alone was only because he didn't want her to go with him. He could've easily sent a Patronus message, too. She hurried into the pub; the bartender looking at her in confusion as she ran close to him.

"There's an attack out there, we need aurors now!" she shouted. Without asking any other question, Tom turned around and grabbed something down from the wall which looked like a muggle telephone, but it had no wires and there was only one button on the middle. He pressed it and waited for someone to pick up, but Elsie's gaze was glued to the window. She couldn't stay in there while Remus was out there, fighting probably alone against Merlin knows who…

"Please sit down, young lady," she heard Tom's deep voice suddenly. "The aurors are going to be here immediately."

Tom closed the doors before Elsie could've protested. He urged her to sit down and offered her food, drinks, but she was just shaking her head, unable to think about anything else but the heart wrenching screams. Every minute seemed like an eternity.

A loud explosion shook her up from her thoughts. She couldn't stay there any longer; she jumped up and rushed towards the door with her wand in her hand, quickly opened the locks while she heard Tom shouting after her. She ran down on the long streets; it wasn't hard to find the source of the events as dust and smoke were emerging from there.

A pub and a small shop were both completely destroyed to the ground. Through the smoke, Elsie saw that aurors had already caught three wizards, having them on the ground with ropes around their bodies. Injured people from the bar were sitting outside now, Healers helping them, but none of them was Remus. Where the hell was he?

She fought her way through the crowd, determined she going to go inside the collapsed building, until he felt a firm grip on her upper arm. "Where do you think you're going?"

She turned around to see an auror she recognized as Remus' teacher; she didn't remember his name, but she was sure he was the one he saw last year here. "I… Remus, I need to see him! Is he okay?"

The man frowned. "Mr. Lupin is here?"

Elsie felt her heart sink to the floor. If no one even saw him…

"Stay here. We're going to find him," he said as he led Elsie to the group of healers.

But she couldn't just stand there; how could she? She left the street and walked around the block in the hope she could go in through the backdoor – or what's left of it. But as she walked closer and reached the back, she found Remus lying next to the wall, motionless.

"Remus? Remus!" she yelled and tried to shook him up. _No, no, no, no, no, no. He can't be, he can't…_

She felt a weak grip around her wrist. She quickly looked up, her vision blurry from her tears but Elsie saw his eyes, and they were open. He was alive.

She dropped her head on his chest and sobbed loudly in relief; she felt Remus hand on her back a moment before he quickly sat up with all of his remained strength. "We need to get you out of here. There are dangerous wizards…"

"It's okay, the aurors got them," Elsie said, placing her hand on his cheek.

"How many?"

"Three."

He closed his eyes and sighed, pressing his forehead against Elsie's for some comfort and in relief. "Still… you shouldn't be here," he said with a trembling voice as he shivered from the cold. It was the kind of cold that filled and burned their lungs, something that surely wasn't normal in late march…

They looked into each other eyes for a short second as the realization hit them both. Elsie stood up and turned around, Remus quickly following her. It was dark and silent – too silent, giving them a false hope they were alone.

"We need to…" Remus started, but couldn't finish his sentence as a dementor was suddenly towering over them, drawing long, hoarse breaths.

Remus knew he couldn't do it. He could never cast a Patronus before, no more than a silvery wisp of vapor left the tip of his wand. Yet he pushed Elizabeth out from the way and pointed his wand at the creature, and shouted the incantations several times, until his voice weakened and he found himself pressed against the wall, his wand falling out from his hand.

Elsie collected all of her remained energy and tried to see through the mist of the bad memories. She was thinking about earlier tonight, when everything was so nice and good and happy…

"Expecto patronum!"

The silvery wolf erupted from her wand pushed the dementor away from Remus, out from the street until the lights came back and the air warmed up.

It seemed impossible, that only a minute ago Remus wished he was rather dead. Now all he could think of to feel his arms around Elsie; he quickly pulled her into a tight hug, both of them panting hard.

"Are you okay?" she whispered against his neck, while they heard the approaching, fast footsteps.

But Remus couldn't answer.

The aurors reached them and after they made sure they were okay, they went back to the main street, which was already filled with journalists and more Healers too. Both Elsie and Remus got a huge bar of chocolate from a Healer; the sweetness warmed their insides up immediately.

"I'll be right back," Remus said, but avoided Elsie's eyes before he left to talk with the aurors. The woman who gave them the chocolate tried to convince Elsie that she should stay at St. Mungo's for the night, but she didn't even want to hear about it. She wanted her own bed, and not alone; she doubted she could fall asleep alone after this night. She answered a few questions for a journalist, but left her when she saw Remus said goodbye to the aurors.

"Remus, are you okay?"

He only nodded, staring the ground rather than looking into her eyes.

"Would you walk me home, please?"

He mumbled a yes before they left the scene, walking back to her flat in quick pace. They didn't talk at all, and Elsie was scared; did the bad memories make him this way, or was it something else?

They stopped in front of the door, Elsie's hand on the handle as Remus finally spoke up,

"Since when your partonus is a wolf?

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I don't know."

But Remus stepped closer impatiently. "Since when?" he asked again, louder.

"It always was! Why is this so important anyway?" she sighed, opening the door. "I learnt it like two years ago, it's been a wolf ever since."

Remus felt his head dizzy. He remembered it, he remembered seeing her conjure a rabbit…why had it changed? She loved him back then, too, but it still stayed a rabbit.

"Please stay with me tonight," she said lowly. Remus was still standing outside, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. Part of him wanted to run away, but he didn't want to leave her alone now.

"What's wrong?" Elsie asked after he slammed her bedroom's door shut after them. "Remus, what's wrong?" she repeated, as she still got no answer. He glanced at her; his breathing heavy and his eyes gleaming with tears. He looked down and shook his head, but when his eyes met with hers again, he was just glad they hadn't lost each other tonight. He cupped her cheeks and pressed his lips against hers, kissing her with rush.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips, and wanted to pull away, but couldn't stop kissing her. And she didn't want to stop him, not even when she had so many question, not when she was waiting for this for so long already. After the last couple hours, she wanted nothing more than having his arms around her, his lips on hers.

It didn't take long until they found each other's rhythm, their lips and tongues moving together ever so perfectly, like old lovers'. It also didn't take long until she felt Remus hands moving from her face to her neck, to her shoulders, slowly sliding the dress off down on her arms. He left gentle kisses around her neck, while reached back and unzipped the navy dress; she let it fall on the floor before she pushed it away with her feet. Elsie felt herself get shy suddenly, standing in front of him in nothing but her knickers as Remus slowly ran his hands down on her sides, from her breast to her underwear, following them with his eyes.

"We don't have to do anything," he said almost apologetically, but Elsie shook her head, stepped closer and cupped his face.

"I want you," she whispered before kissed him.

If Remus had been thinking clearly, he'd have stopped long minutes ago, but every rational thought was long forgotten from the moment their lips touched a couple minutes ago, or maybe even much earlier. _I just had too much drink_ , Remus repeated to himself as he tried to push himself away from her, but the truth was the only thing that made him drunk was the person standing in front of him, with her clothes lying on the floor, with her hands buried on his hair, with her soft body pressed against him.

Her fingers started to work down his white shirt, but she stopped here and there as she melted into his touches, his kisses on her neck and on her breasts, before she could finally draw the piece of clothing off him. She ran her fingers along the scars, scratches and bites, before her hands stopped on his belt, unbuckling it so slowly it nearly drove Remus crazy. He stepped out from his black jeans and knelt down, leaving kisses down on Elsie's stomach, his fingers tugging down her damp underwear. She felt her legs shaking with growing anticipation and fear at the same time as he ran his hand up on her left thigh; grasping it tighter and pulling closer, letting her knee rest up on his shoulder.

He held her steady, but she still needed to dig her nails into his bare shoulders while he kissed up on the smooth skin of her inner thighs. The soft groan which left his lips as he slipped his tongue between her slick folds sent the kind of shudder through her body she felt she could shatter into million pieces, right and there.

When he stood up and Elsie finally had the chance to look into his eyes, he saw they were darkened, cloudy, and distant, but still alert at every movement she made. Remus closed his arms around her and kissed her passionately, while he led her closer to the bed, lifted her up for a second before he placed her down on the sheets. He lied down close beside her and placed wet kisses on her neck, his hand slipping up from her knee to the top of her thigh, opening her legs. He felt her legs shaking under his palm and her body stiffening when he moved himself on top of her, but despite of this, he knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

"I'll be gentle," he murmured, wiping a strand of hair out from her face. "But I need you to relax your body. Can you do that for me? I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

This was all she needed to hear, because so far, all he could say he was sure he would hurt her sooner or later. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, while his hands caressed every sensitive spot of her body he could reach. Only when he felt her melt against him again completely, did he started slowly pushing himself inside her. She broke the kiss in surprise and a whimper left her lips; she had mentally prepared herself for how much it was going to hurt. But she barely felt any pain – she barely felt anything. It was neither good nor bad, maybe a little uncomfortable. "I'm not hurting you, am I?" Remus almost whispered from an inch from her lips, slightly shaking with desire, and as he tried his best to hold himself back.

"No," she breathed out, closing her arms tighter around his neck. He made small and slow moves with his hips, his head buried in the crook of her neck; his groans sent shivers through her body every time he pushed himself back inside her. It didn't take long until the first moans left her lips, causing the fire lit up in Remus' stomach even more than earlier.

"Wrap your legs around me," he said in a low and husky voice, grasping her left thigh and already lifting it up before she did as he said so. Remus felt himself in euphoria, being so close to her again. It felt all so familiar; her body pressed against his, her smooth skin under his touch, her little whimpers and their moans mixed together in each other's ears.

He suddenly stopped and sat up on the bed, leaned back against the headboard and pulled her with himself until she was sitting in his lap, face to face with him. Remus wanted to look into her eyes, but in the moment he was inside her again, she leaned her head down and buried her face into his neck again.

With one of his arms wrapped tightly around her, he placed his other hand on her cheek, rubbing it gently with his thumb. "Look at me," he breathed out. "Please."

Elsie straightened herself and lifted her head up, her hands slipped down to his waist but she couldn't keep the eye contact for more than one, short second; she couldn't tell why. Remus cupped her cheeks now in both of his hands. "Let me see those eyes," he said with a smile. He couldn't help it – he loved to see the desire in her eyes.

Finally she lifted her gaze, digging her nails into his skin deeply, moving her hips on top of him until Remus couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. He had both of his arms around her, pulling her as close as she could, and closer and closer, because nothing ever felt enough of her.


	9. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Remus woke up with Elsie lying on top of him, sound asleep, her breath blowing gently on the crook of his neck, her legs straddling his. He opened his brown eyes and lifted one of his arms slowly, to brush a loose strand of hair out from her face before he ran his fingers through her locks. She stirred in her sleep, and Remus wrapped his arms around her, closing his eyes back. He wanted to do nothing but resting there with her, enjoying the warm weight of her body.

And he'd probably continue to do so, if Elsie wouldn't jump up so suddenly, panting heavily, nearly falling off the bed. Remus caught her in the last moment, pulling her back before she could land on the floor.

"What is it, what's wrong?" Remus cupped her cheeks, but she was staring blankly off the distance, her eyebrows furrowed and her breaths still ragged. "Did you have a nightmare?"

Elsie tried to take long and deep breaths and closed her eyes, before she nodded hastily. Her fingers gripped the sheets so firmly she felt her elbows shaking under her weight, so she lifted her arms and wrapped her fingers around Remus' arms instead.

"Talk to me, please. Was it about last night?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but the words stuck on her throat. It wasn't about last night. But she couldn't tell him, no, that in her dream Remus attacked her on the night of the full moon, and she felt herself so, so terrified… how could she tell him when she was already so afraid that it might happen? He gave a perfect excuse into her hands, and she decided she'll go with it. She lifted her gaze and finally looked into his worrying eyes, but she said nothing, only nodded slowly.

"You're safe, okay? It was just a dream," he said softly before he pressed a kiss on her forehead. She nodded again and forced a smile, choking her tears back. Normally, she wouldn't cry or feel herself so terrified just because of a dream, but it felt so damn real…

"Are you sure you don't walk to talk about it?"

Suddenly, she felt herself stupid, being so upset just because of a stupid nightmare. The pictures and the feelings faded away a little more with every second, like it always happened with the dreams, no matter how vivid they were. She shook her head as a no and let out a week chuckle, leaning into his touch after her arms fell of his. "It's okay. Just a bad dream, I'm fine," she assured him, smiling up at him after she kissed the inside of his wrist.

Remus wanted to ask again if she way okay, but he was cut off before he could even get the first world out. "Do you want some coffee?" she asked with a happier voice, jumping out from the bed.

"Uhm… yeah, sure," he said, confused, watching her while she put on a big, black t-shirt and a pair of white knickers. Watching her as she slowly dressed up made his heart beating in his ears; just for a few seconds, before he wanted her clothes off of her again. She walked towards the door, but before she could leave the room, Remus got up and grabbed her waist, pulling her against him. "Actually, I changed my mind."

"Did you?" she asked with raised eyebrows, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

He kissed her slowly for a few, short seconds before he stepped away, falling back on sheets and pulling her with himself. She chuckled as he hovered above her, watching her closely with a smile, lost in her blue eyes.

"Are you sure you don't want some coffee?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," he murmured, leaning closer, but just before his lips could touch hers, she spoke up again.

"Aren't you hungry?"

Remus chuckled and buried his face into her neck for a second before he raised his head up again. "No, I'm not."

Elsie let out a short laugh too before she pulled Remus' face closer for a deep kiss.

Her t-shirt was off her once again soon, letting Remus leaving small, soft kisses down on her body. A small gasp left her mouth as she slowed down on her lower stomach, causing him smiling against her skin; she felt it and made her giggle. The sound was ringing inside Remus' head like his favourite song, before his mouth was on her inner thigh, biting gently, his fingers slowly tugging her underwear down.

Until the door burst open and Juliet stormed into the room with a newspaper in her hand, shouting her friend's name. But her terrified "Oh my Gods" died away and her eyes widened; she quickly turned away, while Elsie and Remus tried to cover themselves. "Merlin, Juliet! Knocking?"

"Oh my God," she laughed this time, still inside the room but looking at the door. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"We are, get out," Elsie mumbled, still embarrassed, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, I could see that."

Remus choked back a laugh, while Elsie yelled this time," Juliet, get out!"

"Sorry," the blonde laughed, walking out from the room, but she dropped the newspaper down on the floor before she closed the door.

Elsie rolled on her stomach and buried her face into her pillow, letting out a crying sound while the situation only amused Remus. He smiled to himself while picked the Sunday Prophet up from the floor, but quickly plopped down on the bed again, placing his palm on Elsie's back and pressing a kiss on her shoulder. "What's the problem? I've seen her and Sirius in a lot more explicit situation before, and I'm sure you did too."

She turned her head towards him, a weary expression on her face as she said, "Yeah, I did, but you don't know Juliet. She's going to talk about this for a week at least."

Remus just smiled and kissed her cheek, before he sat up and unfolded the newspaper. As Elsie looked up, she saw the picture of the collapsed building on the front page; the memory still made her shiver.

"I bring some coffee," she said suddenly while she sat up on the bed, smiling at Remus, but she grabbed her wrist before she could leave.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I swear, I'm fine," she said, still smiling, giving him a short kiss before she climbed out from the bed. It seemed Elsie was in a good mood again and it lifted the weight off of Remus' shoulder. She took on her t-shirt again and left the bedroom, while Remus continued reading the article about last night.

She wasn't surprised when she saw Juliet in the kitchen, leaning her hip against the edge of the table, a mug in her hand and a magazine in the other. The smell of coffee filled the place and Juliet straightened up when she saw Elsie walking closer to the countertops. She quickly grabbed a mug and held it to Elsie,

"Freshly brewed," she said, unable to hiding the smug smile on her face.

She slowly took the mug out from her hand. "Thank you."

"Here's one for Remus too," Juliet started, pouring some coffee into another cup. "Milk? Sugar?"

"Just Black."

"I guess you're sweet enough for him, right?" Juliet leaned closer and winked at her, the mischievous smile still playing on her lips.

Elsie heaved a sigh and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, Juliet was still grinning at her, and she couldn't help but let out a chuckle, too. "Please, leave me alone."

"No way!" Juliet said loudly. "I was waiting for this for years!

"We know each other for less than two years."

"Exactly," Juliet took a step closer, bumping her shoulder against her friend's. "So? Are you really not going to tell me anything?"

"You're unbelievable, you know!" Elsie shook her head, but laughed as well while she sat down next to the kitchen table. "I could have died last night and all you care about is that I had sex."

"Well, sorry," Juliet started with raised eyebrows, "But the fact that five minutes ago his head was between your thighs makes me think you've already got over it."

Massaging her temple with a smile, Elsie asked, "What do you want to know?"

Juliet let out a loud gasp before she answered, "Everything."

"Don't be like this," she laughed, but hardly finished her sentence when someone loudly knocked against the front door. The girls looked at each other questioningly, but after Juliet just shrugged too, Elsie walked out from the kitchen. There were loud bangs again, just before she finally opened the door.

"Oh, Merlin's beard, you're okay!" Elsie's mother yelled, pulling her daughter into a bone-crushing hig.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she asked, trying to free herself with no success.

Margaret finally let her but jut only to examine her face, her hands still on her upper arm. "I read the Sunday Prophet, Elizabeth! They said you were in shock!" she said, touching her cheeks with her palms.

"This isn't true! I'm okay, let me go," Elsie grumbled, already regretting she gave an interview yesterday. She walked inside the house, her mother following her close behind.

What were you even doing in the Diagon Alley? Oh hello Juliet, dear," she added in a softer voice, giving a hug to the blonde too. Juliet went back to the countertops to make some tea for Margaret while Elsie plopped back down on a chair, hoping Remus isn't going to leave her room right now.

"I wasn't feeling good and we make a little detour to clear my head."

Her mother sighed and lightly shook her head. "I'm so glad that boy was with you, at least. Did he walk you home?"

Elsie propped her elbows onto the table, resting – and hiding – her cheek into her palm while she stirred her coffee. She could feel Juliet's eyes on the back of her neck. "Yes, he did."

"Are you sure you're feeling alright? You seem so exhausted."

"I had a long night, mom," she answered, still looking into her mug.

Juliet placed the cup of tea in front of Margaret, murmuring under her breath, "I bet you had."

Elsie threw a small glance at her friend, sipping her coffee while her mother continued. "You know, I wouldn't mind if you told me you have a boyfriend."

"Sorry," she breathed out. "But we just started dating."

"There's no need to hiding him," Margaret went on, like she wouldn't hear what her daughter said. "He seems like a true gentleman to me."

"He is!" Juliet said enthusiastically. "I'm sure he comforted Elsie after what happened last night, didn't he?"

Elsie threw knives with her eyes at Juliet, who couldn't wipe the smug grin off her face.

"Why he didn't stay here with you? I'm sure you could sleep better if someone would watch over you."

"I know, right?" Juliet sounded like a kid in a candy shop. "Just look at her, you can tell something kept her up all night."

Before her mother could answer, Elsie jumped up from her chair. "You know what, I just go back to sleep."

"But…"

"I'm really tired, I'm sorry mom," she cut her off, pressing a kiss on her cheek. "Have a nice day, bye!"

She disappeared in her room quickly, before anyone could say anything to her again. She leaned against the door and sighed, but turned around in the next second. A smile started to tug on the corner of her lips when she saw Remus, his face buried into her pillow, sleeping peacefully. She walked closer and crawled under the blanket, pressing kisses on his jawline and on his neck. He slowly started to smile, waking up from his light sleep; he wrapped an arm around her waist and pushed her down on the mattress, leaning above her, his cheek brushing against hers.

"Where were you?"

She slowly slid her hands up on the back of his neck, her fingers intertwined with his hair, lightly brushing her fingertips through his locks. "In the kitchen. Trying to deal with Juliet. And with my mom…"

Remus' eyes fluttered open, looking into her eyes finally, "Your mother's here?"

"Yeah, so you need to stay here until she leaves."

"Not that I'm complaining," he started, smiling "But I start to feel like you're hiding me."

"Considering that just after you first met my mom I dropped condoms in front of the altar, I'm not sure she should see you know, especially half-naked in my bed."

Remus chuckled before he said, "Yeah, you're probably right."

They spent the next couple of hours in bed, with kisses and cuddles and small talks, even though they were sure Elsie's mother left a long time ago. It was their empty, growling stomach that betrayed them and made them leave the bedroom, somewhere in the middle of the afternoon.

"I think I'll skip school tomorrow," Elsie said after they finished their first meal of the day. Remus dressed up and he was ready to leave, saying he has some report to finish and his teacher would probably want to talk with him about the last attack in the Diagon Alley as soon as he can.

"I think you should. You need some rest," he said, pressing a kiss on her temple.

"We literally didn't leave the bed since last night."

"Yeah, that wasn't really resting, was it?" he asked cheekily, making her laugh and kiss him. Her smile vanished soon though, suddenly thinking back about last night and Remus' behaviour. The last couple of hours made her forget about it, but now, she remembered well. Maybe it was just the effect of what the dementors left, maybe it was something else, but she needed to make sure. "Remus, what was wrong with you last night?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, after the demetors… you behaved oddly. You seemed upset about my patronus too."

Remus looked away from her, his eyes darkened. Ever since she touched her last night, this was the first time he remembered they had a past, too. He knew he can't keep it from her forever, but how could he tel her? He didn't want to lose her, and he didn't want to hurt her feelings… Sometimes he even thought maybe he should just keep it as a secret. But mostly, it just started to consume him. With every second he spend with her, he lied to her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, almost inaudible."

"For what?" Elsie asked, her brows furrowed in confuse.

Remus looked at her finally, shaking his head and forcing a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Nothing. I'm okay. It was – it was just the dementors, really."

Elsie felt herself relieved, but only for a second before her heart leapt, thinking about what he could see through his worst memories. "You can talk to me about it, if you want."

But he shook his head and stood up from next to her. "No, it's okay. I'm okay."

Of course she wasn't sure he was telling the truth, but if she learnt something about Remus, it was that he isn't going to talk about something until he was ready for it. She kissed him softly and let him leave, hoping that he'll tell her what was bothering him sooner or later.

* * *

Elsie woke up late on the next morning. She warned Juliet she didn't plant to go to school, in case she'd want to wake her up too early. By the time she left her bed, Juliet was long gone.

She spent her day with nothing but reading, some cooking, and a bit of sleeping early in the afternoon. It was almost dark outside when she realized Juliet should be long back at home; even though in her case once could never know for sure where she'd end up after classes, usually she was so tired after every Monday she couldn't wait to finally arrive home and collapse on the couch for a long nap.

She plopped down on the couch with a blanket draped over her shoulders, her legs tucked under her, reading through some of her notes before she'd finish one of her essays. She was just about to go back to her room and sit down in front of her typewriter, when she heard the clicking sounds of the keys and the opening of the front door.

"I started to think you lost somewhere," Elsie said, while Juliet made her way through the living room, not stopping and looking only straight forward.

"Juliet?" she called after her, frowning, making her friend finally stop. Juliet let out a heavy sigh and turned back, and Elsie could tell she cried; her eyes were red and her makeup smeared. "What…"

"I really don't want to talk to you right now."

From the tone of her voice, Elsie knew she was angry at her, though she had no idea why. "What did I do?" she asked, hurrying after her while her friend disappeared in her room.

"Just leave me alone!" she shouted at her before closed her door with a loud bang.

Elsie froze, unable to understand what she had possibly done to make Juliet so upset. She knocked on her door, trying to talk with her, but since no answer came, she went back to her room, deciding she'll let Juliet calm down. She sat down at her desk, but after a half an hour she was still just staring the blank paper. No matter how hard she was thinking, she couldn't find any reason for Juliet's behaviour. After an hour or so, she left her room and knocked against her door again.

"Juliet, please! Can we talk?"

Just before she almost knocked again, the door opened, Juliet's eyes weren't red anymore, but she still looked upset, and her voice was quiet and hoarse when she started to talk. "You really have no idea why am I angry at you?"

"No, I don't!"

She ran both of her hands through her blond locks before she started, "You said Sirius that I'm in love with him."

Elsie needed to think really hard to remember back when he said something like that to Sirius; she could finally recall a blurry memory from Remus' birthday a week ago. "Yes, and?" she asked, still confused.

Juliet's eyes widened and she raised her voice again. "Oh, I don't know! Maybe he doesn't even want to talk to me anymore because you lied to him and now he doesn't believe I'm not in love with him!"

"Okay, listen," Elsie sighed, "I didn't lie…"

"I'm not in love with him!" Juliet shouted, her cheeks flushed from the anger. "I'm not in love with him; I told you a thousand times before that I don't want anything more from him! Why couldn't you just shut up?"

"Would you calm down, Juliet? I didn't mean to…"

"I don't care what you didn't mean to do!" she cut her off again. "I finally had something good with someone and you really needed to fuck it up for me?"

"I fucked it up?" Elsie yelled now, too. "I'm not the one, who ignored you, wasn't it Sirius? Don't blame me because he was an asshole!"

"I blame him but I blame you more! It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't told him I'm in love with him! I'm not, okay? I don't love him," her voice got shaky by the end, but no tears left her eyes this time.

Elsie sighed and tried to take a step closer, but Juliet stepped backwards. "Okay, then you are not. I'm sorry, okay?"

"No. It isn't okay. How many times I've told you to stay out of this and you still needed to talk with Sirius about it!"

"I was drunk and it just slipped out, and I said sorry! Do you really think I did this on purpose?" Elsie asked desperately, her hands shaking from the anger.

"How could it slip out when I told you so many times that I don't love him?" she yelled again, but she turned her voice down a bit with the next sentence. "It's like you didn't give a shit about what I told you at all!"

"Oh well, how many times you didn't give a shit about what I told you?" Elsie knew she shouldn't have said that in the moment the words left her lips, but the way her friend talked to her made her too mad to think about it earlier.

However, when Juliet spoke up again, her voice wasn't loud anymore, but slow and quiet. "Yeah, you're right. The difference is I've never done anything that I knew it would be bad or too much for you. But thank you for forgetting about it," with that, she slammed the door shut, and Elsie knew there was no way she'd talk to her more on that day.

In the next second Elsie realized immediately that hot tears were falling from her eyes. Ever since she met Juliet they never had a fight before, not even small arguments; they only found a way to talk if they had a problem. She didn't remember if she had ever seen Juliet so angry in general.

Elsie wiped her tears away and went back to her room, but only a minute after she sat down on the chair, she was on her feet again. She grabbed her bag and left her room, took on her shoes and her coat, before she left the apartment.

She was relieved when she arrived on her destination in one piece, without leaving one of her limbs at home as she apparated in front of Remus' flat. The door opened soon after she knocked loudly, with Remus standing in front of her with a worried expression on his face.

"Elizabeth? Are you okay?"

She shook her head and stepped closer to him. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Yeah – of course," Remus said, still confused as they walked inside.

"Do you want something to drink?"

But she just shook her head in answer while she took her shoes off, fearing if she'd open her mouth she'd start to cry immediately. They flat seemed quiet and she didn't met Sirius on the way while they walked into Remus' room, where they sat down at the edge of his bed.

"What is it, love? What happened?"

She let out a deep, shaky breath, staring her feet before she finally looked up at him. "Juliet hates me because I told Sirius she loves him, and now he doesn't want to meet with her anymore."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Remus said softly, drawing soft circles on her back. "But I'm sure she doesn't hate you, she's just upset now. She'll calm down."

But Elsie shook her head, pressing her cheeks against Remus' chest before he'd see her crying. "You didn't see her, she was so angry at me! I've never seen her like this before."

"Because she's upset," Remus repeated, trying to calm her down. "She loves you; she won't hate you only because of that."

As much as she'd loved to believe what Remus said, she couldn't at the moment. She said nothing, just kept sobbing silently into his sweater. This argument made her tired and she wanted nothing than fall asleep and forgets about it, at least for a couple of hours.

And she drifted into a deep sleep surprisingly fast; not long after she had a shower and laid her head on Remus chest. Unlike her, Remus was awake for long hours.

…

When Elsie woke up in the morning, she found the bed empty. She thought he might already left for school, but as she glanced at the watch on his nightstand, she saw it was too early for that. She only had one of Remus' sweaters on, leaving her legs naked and cold as she climbed out from his bed. She shivered as the cool floor touched her feet, so she tiptoed out from the room, hiding her fingers into the sleeves of the sweater.

She found the boys in the living room; Remus on the couch and Sirius on the armchair next to him. From the look on their faces, Elsie could tell they talked about something important before she stepped in.

"Skipping school again?" Remus asked with a smile playing on his lips after she leaned down for a kiss.

"No, I'll go today. But I only have two classes on the afternoon," she took a sip from Remus' coffee after she sat down next to him, but frowned at the strong, bitter taste.

"I'm sorry about Juliet," Sirius said suddenly for Elsie's surprise, but he avoided her eyes. "I didn't want to upset her so much."

She shook her head and gave the cup back to Remus before she asked, "Sirius, are you really not in love with her?"

Sirius sighed and leaned back against the armchair. "No, I'm not," he started calmly. He wasn't angry at Elsie like Juliet was, but it was clear that this whole situation bothered him, too. "You know what? I wish I was. Because I honestly don't know if I could fall in love with anyone when I couldn't even fall in love with someone like her. But I'm not. It isn't my fault."

"I didn't say it's your fault," Elsie said, sitting down on the other side of the couch, closer to Sirius. "Listen, I know I shouldn't have told you about Juliet… but… whether if she's in love with you or not, you shouldn't have just sent her away like this."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, slightly frowning.

Elsie was thinking for a few seconds about if she should tell him what she wanted, but at this point, she knew there wasn't any other way to make things right. "Did you know she never had a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, she told me. And…?"

"She never had a boyfriend because after her first crush slept with her, he acted like nothing ever happened on the next day," she started. "And he wasn't the last guy who just used her, you know? She used to be pretty naïve. She tried not getting attached to anyone later."

"I didn't know about that," Sirius replied in a small voice, suddenly feeling himself dumb he didn't realize that earlier. Juliet had a good way with her words and hiding her wounds behind jokes.

Elsie nodded before she went on. "And just after it turned out she loves you, you just left her. I know you thought it would be good for her, that it would help her to forget you, but you didn't even asked her, yeah? You just decided instead of her."

Sirius closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. "I feel myself like an asshole."

"You're an asshole," Remus spoke up behind Elsie, half-jokingly, but she shot a quick, warning glance at him.

"Thanks mate."

"I think you should just sit down and talk about your feelings honestly. The worst thing you can do is keep lying to each other."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "In my defence, I was just an asshole. She's the one who lied to me."

"Yeah, you're really an asshole," Remus said again, shaking his head.

"Listen," Elsie sighed again. "You were so good friends! I don't think you want to lose her."

Sirius shook his head slowly. "No, I don't."

"Then swallow your pride and talk to her."

"Okay, I will," he nodded and shot a soft smile at Elsie. This talk reminded him of old times, when they used to be close friends…

"Great," Elsie smiled and stood up from the couch, patting Sirius' shoulder before she walked out from the living room. "Now I need some coffee."

"Are you seriously going to talk with her?" Remus asked after Elsie left.

Sirius stood up and picked his leather jacket up from the chair, "Yes. And you?"

"Pads…"

"You can't keep lying to her forever!" Sirius said angrily, trying to keep his voice down. "Yesterday you said you'll talk to her. You have to, Remus. And I'm not saying this only because it would turn out sooner or later," he took on his jacket and left the living room, and Remus knew what he was referring to. Even if it would never turn out, it was just simply wrong.

* * *

Elsie didn't go home for the rest of the morning; she went to school from Remus' place. She hoped she could talk with Juliet; maybe she really calmed down by now, but she didn't show up any of their classes. School was a torture like this, knowing that Juliet was probably still so angry at Elsie she rather skipped the whole day just to avoid her. When the last class ended, she quickly left the room without saying goodbye to her friends. Seeing Remus was waiting for her in front of the building made her feel better at least a bit.

"You shouldn't have waited for me," she said after he kissed her, though she was deeply thankful for it.

"I needed to make sure you were okay," he intertwined his fingers with hers as they started to walk down on the streets, but she didn't say anything and her face wasn't any happier than it was in the morning. "Could you talk with her?"

"She skipped both of our classes," Elsie shook her head. "Guess she hates me so much now she doesn't even want to see me in school."

"Don't say this. Sirius skipped too. I'm pretty sure he took your advice and they spent the afternoon with talking through what happened."

Elsie's eyes finally lit up; if Sirius could talk with her, maybe she'd apologize her too. "Oh, I really hope."

Remus walked Elsie back home at her apartment. It seemed she was in a lot better mood than earlier after he told her Juliet was probably with Sirius.

But it doesn't let him forget what Sirius told him in the morning. In fact, his words echoed in his head all day, _you can't keep lying to her forever, you can't keep lying to her forever…_

They stopped on the quiet street in front of the building. Elsie just kept gushing about one of her new project, almost without taking a breath, when Remus suddenly interrupted her,

"I need to tell you something."


	10. The Truth

**_A/N: I felt myself so bad for that cliffhanger last time haha… so I tried to write the next chapter as soon as I could, and here we are. A bit shorter than usual. Thank you for your feedback, you help me keep going._**

* * *

Juliet was still in bed when she heard the doorbell early in the morning, though she didn't sleep much the night before. She frowned and lifted her wristwatch from the nightstand; it just passed eight am, so she dropped the watch back down and turned on her other side, pulling the blanket over her head. As much as she wanted just hide away from it, the doorbell rang again and again, until she had no other choice but threw the blanket off of herself, and climbing out from the bed.

"I'm coming!" she shouted, not even trying to hide the annoyance from her voice, while she wondered where Elsie was and why she didn't opened the door. Thinking about her best friend and their fight just made her even angrier. She put on her magenta silk night robe and angrily tightened the belt, leaving the room and cursing under her breath. If it was the crazy girl from the neighbour, she'll surely get a nice bat-bogey hex on her face…

But it wasn't the neighbour. It was Sirius who stood in front of the door, his hands lazily in the pockets of his leather jacket, but his face showed how nervous he was. "Hey. Did I wake you up?"

Juliet crossed her arms across her chest and frowned slightly. "What do you want?"

Even though Sirius didn't expect any friendly reaction from her, he still hoped they could talk. Now, however, he wasn't sure about it anymore at all. "Can I come in?"

"Why?"

"I just want to talk to you, Juliet."

She let out a short chuckle before she said, "Yesterday you made it pretty clear you don't want to talk to me anymore."

Sirius heaved a sigh and fell in silence for a few, long seconds; until Juliet rolled her eyes and put her palm on the door as she wanted to shut it close. Then he stepped forward and pushed the door open, "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I know I was an asshole," he said, causing Juliet to taken aback. "Can we talk about it, please?"

She wanted to send him away, but she was too curious about what he wanted to say to her. Knowing she'll might regret it, she let him walk inside the house.

"Do you want a coffee or something?"

Sirius lowered and shook his head at the phlegmatic tone of her voice, while she walked into the kitchen and he was close behind her. "No, thank you."

"Make yourself at home, then," she waved towards the living room, before she turned to the countertops. "I'll be there in a minute."

Sirius sighed but did as she said so and sat down on the armchair in the living room. One part of him wanted to shout at her to stop being so stubborn and cold, but he knew very well he screwed this up. He didn't want to make her even angrier than she already was. It felt like an eternity while she made her tea and he tried to collect his thoughts, before she finally arrived back with a mug between her hands. She tucked her legs under herself on the couch and pulled a blanket over her lap, waiting for Sirius to start.

"I think I overreacted a bit…"

"A bit?" Juliet asked with raised eyebrows before she took a small sip from her hot tea.

"Listen," he started again, leaning forward. "I know I…"

"No, Sirius, I don't think you do," Juliet cut him off. "You didn't listen what I wanted to say. You didn't care when I said what Elsie told you wasn't true! You didn't give a flying fuck about me, you just decided we shouldn't talk anymore without asking what I want, and you sent me away!"

"I know and I'm sorry!" Sirius said desperately, standing up and sitting down next to her on the couch. She turned her head away from him, while he went on. "Juliet, I know I hurt you, but I swear, I didn't want to. I just… didn't…think."

"Yeah, maybe you should sometimes," she replied quietly, still not looking at him, until she heard he wanted to speak up again. Then she turned back to him, her voice hoarse. "Why are you here, Sirius?"

"Because I care about you," he started, and continued quickly as she saw Juliet wanted to interrupt him again. "Juliet, I do, and I think you know I do! I fucked up once, I was an asshole, but I don't want to lose you."

She felt tears pricked in the corner of her eyes as she took a deep breath. "It's still hard to believe, you know? After you threw me out just because I love you."

"Are you really in love with me, then?" Sirius asked carefully in a small voice, half-scared of her answer, half-scared she'll shout at him again.

But Juliet didn't shout this time. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling, before she turned her head towards him again. "I don't know. Maybe. But I surely have feelings for you. More than I should have."

She looked away and stared the floor, tapping the mug with her thumbs. Sirius examined her face, trying carefully collecting his thoughts and choosing his words. "Why didn't tell me yesterday, then?"

Juliet shrugged. "I didn't want to lose you."

Sirius almost said that's stupid and she wouldn't lose him because of that, but then he remembered that what he has done because of it. He felt himself ashamed again, and couldn't say anything more. Maybe it would be the best, staying away from her; then he couldn't hurt her.

"I'm sorry," she said out of sudden, looking up at Sirius with teary eyes. "I'm not mad at you. Well, I was a bit, yeah, you were an asshole," she added, making Sirius chuckle. "And I'm not mad at Elsie… God, I'm sure she hates me now, I was terrible with her yesterday," she breathed out, running her fingers through her hair."

"I'm sure she isn't. She's just sad because she thinks you hate her," he started, and added after seeing Juliet's frown, "She spent the night in our flat and Remus told me in the morning."

Juliet smiled, feeling somewhat relieved. "I guess I'm mostly mad at myself."

"Why?"

"Because I have feelings for you! I didn't want this," she looked down again, two fat teardrops falling down on her cheeks.

"I don't want you to blame yourself," Sirius said quietly, taking her hand into his, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. "It's my fault. I'm irresistible."

She let out a weak chuckle before she tutted. "Shut up."

Sirius didn't take his eyes off her, while she did everything to choke back her tears. Long minutes passed in silence before Sirius finally said, "I wish I'd feel more."

He saw as the pain sat on her face, but he went on anyway. "I need to be honest with you, Juliet. I only love you as a friend, nothing more. And I don't want to say that oh, let's try it, and it might work out! Because maybe it won't. And I don't want to make empty promises. You don't deserve that."

She nodded slowly, before she added quietly, "Thank you."

Sirius couldn't hide his surprise; his eyebrows raised, which made Juliet chuckle. "What?"

"Nothing, just… you forgive me, then"?

Juliet gave a nod with a weak smile, and Sirius felt as a huge amount of weight lift off his shoulders.

"Can I get a hug?"

"Yes, you idiot," she smiled with her voice still shaky, leaning closer to wrap her arms around his neck. They pulled back soon, feeling themselves only a bit embarrassed.

Sirius slowly stood up from the couch, ready to leave the house, but he quickly changed his mind. "Do you want to go to school today?"

"Absolutely fucking not."

"Great," the boy grinned. "Then I'll make us some breakfast and we can watch some of your films on that thing," he nodded his head towards Juliet's TV, still not understanding how it could work without magic. And Juliet was more than happy to accept his offer.

* * *

"I need to tell you something."

The words blurted out of him all of sudden; he didn't want to say it, but he had to. Remus knew once the words left his lips, there was no going back. Elsie just stared him for a few short seconds after he cut her off so suddenly, but as he was still in silence, she asked, "What is it?"

Remus swallowed hard and looked away. He felt his heart banging against his ribs, and he considered several times during those moments that he should lie something.

"Remus?" Elsie called his name, taking a step closer and grasping his hand. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head, his eyes teary, and Elsie now started to get scared. "I don't know where I should start," he said in a weak voice, before he sat down on the staircase, feeling all of his strength leaving him. "I did something… wrong."

A thousand frightening thoughts flashed through her mind in a second. "With… me?" she asked weakly, still standing in front of him. Her scared face, her shaky voice made his heart ache.

Remus looked up for a second before he looked down again, shaking his head, murmuring almost under his breath. "I keep hurting you, Elizabeth. I don't want to hurt you, I really don't…"

"Would you stop staying this?" Elsie asked angrily, sitting next to him and taking his hands into hers. How many times they have to talk about this? "You could never hurt me, you've never done it before…"

"I did."

"No, you didn't! Or don't you think I'd remember if you…"

"No, you wouldn't, because I obliviated you!"

Elsie just stared him in utter shock, not being sure she heard it right. Her hands slowly left Remus', her words came out barely more than a whisper. "What do you mean?"

Remus looked down again, taking a deep breath. "We started dating when we were both at Hogwarts. It lasted for more than a half year, before…"

"Before?" Elsie asked impatiently. She wasn't even sure she believed it all yet. Remus looked at for a quick second again before he jumped up from the staircase. She followed him quickly, standing in front of him. "Remus!"

"You stayed at my parents' house in one night during full moon. I don't know why, but you came outside, and we got too close to the edge of the forest, and I attacked you. There are some scars across the small of your back," he started, reached out his hand, but Elsie stepped back immediately before he could touch her. The little motion made Remus heart drop on the floor, and he knew he lost her.

After a minute of silence that felt like an hour, Elsie walked away to open the door and leave Remus there on the street, but after she pushed the handle down, she turned back.

"You obliviated me?!"

Her shout made him to look up, climbing up on the few stairs and stopping in front of her. "Elizabeth…"

"Why?" She shouted again, so loud she felt her throat hurt, not caring about the curious eyes at them as the people walked on the street, staring them.

"I told you, I attacked you, I nearly killed you! I couldn't let it happen…" Remus said desperately, on the edge of crying, before Elsie cut him off.

"So you decided you wipe your entire existence out of my mind? More than six months of my life?"

Elsie was shaking from the anger, and she couldn't even try to hold her tears back anymore. Remus had never seen her like this before, so angry, so upset.

"You could've just leave me!" she continued, yelling, her cheeks red and her voice hoarse. "You could've just say you don't want to see me ever again! Why you needed to take something like this away from me?"

"Please," Remus sighed, placing his palm on her upper arm, but Elsie stopped back.

"Don't touch me."

She made another movement to go back in the house, but turned back once again. "I want my memories back."

"No," Remus said immediately. "I can't… you know it's dangerous. Modifying someone's memory so many times can damage their brain…"

"You didn't really think of that when you obliviated me, did you?" Elsie cut him off again. She stopped shouting by now, but the tone of her voice was something like Remus didn't think he'd ever hear from her. "I guess you didn't even ask me, yeah? Before you wiped my memories out. I know I could never let you to do it."

Remus didn't said anything and he didn't nod, but his silence said more than enough. Every of his heartbeat hurt, and it felt like every one of them was worse than the previous. If it was so painful for him, he didn't want to imagine how it felt like for her.

Elsie couldn't stand his gaze anymore. She heard enough anyway. Once again, she opened the door, but this time, she didn't look back as she disappeared in the house.

* * *

She didn't take off her shoes and jacket as she walked inside the flat with her vision blurry from tears. She stopped in the middle of the living room, seeing Juliet and Sirius sprawled on the couch. They were laughing and talking, but both of them froze when they saw Elsie's bloodshot eyes.

"Tell me you didn't know about this," she said in a small voice, almost inaudible.

Juliet stood up immediately. "About what?"

Elsie felt herself ashamed in the next second, accusing her friend with something like this. Of course she didn't know; she would've told her instantly. She slowly looked at Sirius, who had a concerned expression.

"Remus told you, right?"

Without giving an answer, Elsie stormed across the living room and into her bedroom, slamming the door shut. Juliet was sure she had never seen her so upset before.

"What's going on?"

Sirius heaved a sigh and leaned his back against the backrest. She urged Juliet to sit down, and after she said as he said so, he told her everything; every little detail from the very start. She wanted her to understand. And Juliet didn't interrupt, she just listened him in silence.

Long minutes passed in complete silence after he finished before Juliet finally could say anything. "This is the most fucked up story I've ever heard."

"I know."

Juliet had a million things to ask and a million thing to say, but she shook her head and stood up. "Listen, I really need to talk with her."

Sirius agreed and left soon. After Juliet walked to Elsie's room, she sighed and pressed her forehead against the door. She was angry at Remus and felt sorry for Elsie; of course no one deserve this, but knowing it happened with her best friend made her heart hurt. It was just a couple days ago when she saw her happier than she ever was…

And she wasn't sure at all Elsie wants to talk with her after she was shouting at her yesterday…

She swallowed her fear and knocked softly on the door, but after no answer came, she slowly opened and stepped inside.

The room was dimly lit, and only the afternoon light streamed through the dark curtains, giving enough light to see Elsie on her bed, lying in the fetal position and shuddering from her tears, though Juliet didn't her hear crying. She walked to her and knelt down in front of her bed and put her hand on her upper arm, rubbing it up and down.

Elsie knew Juliet was there, but only when she touched her she opened her eyes. She could hardly see anything through her teary eyes; she opened her mouth and took a deep, shaky breath, but she couldn't say anything. All the words were stuck somewhere deep down.

"I'm so sorry," Juliet said quietly, sitting up on the bed next to her. Elsie sat up too, quickly, throwing her arms around her neck and sobbing into her shoulder. It was one of those rare times when Juliet had absolutely no idea what she should say, but she knew any word would have been useless. She just let Elsie to cry her heart out on her shoulder; now it was the most she could do.

* * *

Hours passed in silence. Juliet was lying on her back, her fingers folded together over her stomach as she stared the dark ceiling with a light frown on her face. She thought Elsie was sleeping, as her eyes were closed for a long time.

"I want my memories back."

It was the first thing she said to Juliet on that night. Her voice was deep and hoarse and no more than a whisper.

Juliet turned her head towards her and rolled on her side, facing with Elsie. "I wish I could help."

"He said it's too dangerous."

"That's true, you know. Restoring someone's memory can cause…"

"I don't care," Elsie cut her off with bitterness in her voice. "Do you know how does it feel, knowing that there's a part of my life that I couldn't remember? And I'm not talking about one day or one week. It's more than six months! Six months, Juliet. I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore."

"I think I know when it happened," she added a bit later. "I remember I woke up when my mom stormed into the room and I sat up in my bed with a terrible headache. And she was asking worriedly where did I spent the night…" she let out a short, weak chuckle. "I had no idea what she was talking about. "In my bed," I said without thinking about it. She didn't force me to talk about it. You know, that was when they had a divorce but my dad still lived with us…" Those months were hard for Elsie, she remembered well. There wasn't a day when her parents didn't shout at each other and it was only a miracle they didn't curse each other to death sometimes.  
She remembered when she woke up on that morning, she remembered the pain in her head and on her back.

She climbed out from the bed suddenly. Juliet sat up too, watching as Elsie turned the lights on and walked closer to her mirror. She pulled her sweater up and turned her back to the mirror, looking over her shoulder to see the scars Remus was talking about. They were barely noticeable.

"I don't understand. Why it didn't affect me at all?"

"Because his father was quick enough to heal you," Juliet answered for Elsie's surprise. She raised her eyebrows and turned to her, so Juliet went on. "Sirius told me before he left."

Elsie nodded and walked back to the bed to sit down. She wanted to ask what else Sirius told her, but one part of her felt that any more piece of the truth could break her heart even more. She leaned back and rested her head against the wall, falling in silence for a minute again before she said, "I can't believe he did this to me."

She felt as hot tears burned her eyes again while she took on a shaky breath. "I honestly thought he loves me."

"He does," Juliet said quietly.

Elsie looked at her immediately. "How could you say that? He obliviated me without even asking what I want. Isn't that the most selfish thing he could do?"

"Yes, but…" Juliet let out a deep breath and sat closer to Elsie. She didn't want to say anything that could upset her even more, but it was really hard to choose her words in this matter. "Listen, I think you just maybe… you could talk to him about it."

Elsie shook her head while two teardrops fell down on her cheeks. "I'm not sure if I could."

Juliet nodded in agreement. It was hard to imagine what was going inside her friend right now, but for surely, she couldn't look at the person who did something like this to her without wanting to vomit either.

"So you and Sirius are friends again?" Elsie asked suddenly with a weak smile, trying to change the subject. Juliet closed her eyes and sighed, feeling herself ashamed as she thought back about last night.

"We are. I'm really sorry Elsie."

"For what?" Elsie asked, but the look on Juliet's face told her the truth. "You really are in love with Sirius, yeah?"

"I guess I am," she said, shaking her head. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, of course I'm not mad at you," Elsie said with a smile and gave a tight hug to Juliet.

"Sorry, I don't want to bother you with my problems when you have enough already," she said once she pulled back.

"Well, I think yours is a _bit_ bigger than mine," Juliet reassured her. "I'll be there for you, like it or not."

"Thank you. I really am. But I'd rather be alone now."

After Juliet made sure Elsie really don't want any company now and she'll be okay, she climbed out from the bed and walked to the door. Before she'd left, she turned back to ask, "What are you going to do now? With Remus."

Elsie was thinking for a few seconds, but her mind was empty. "I have no idea. I need to think this through."


	11. Without You

**_A/N: It's been forever, but finally back with the new chapter! Thank you for the support and all the nice messages… it means a lot 3_**

* * *

 _I had all and then most of you  
Some and now none of you  
Take me back to the night we met  
I don't know what I'm supposed to do  
Haunted by the ghost of you  
Oh, take me back to the night we met  
When the night was full of terrors  
And your eyes were filled with tears  
When you had not touched me yet  
Oh, take me back to the night we met_

(The Night We Met by Lord Huron)

* * *

People says getting used to the good things is easy. And they are right, aren't they? It isn't about having a perfect life; no, no one has that. Maybe it's because you finally reached that one goal you wanted for so long, and everything else seems so little, so insignificant. Maybe it's because you learned how to value even the tiniest things in your life. Maybe it's because you worked harder than ever. Maybe it's because of good fortune. Maybe it's God. Maybe it's because all of this, maybe it's nothing in particular.

But it's happening, and you're happy, and you don't think about things can go wrong in any second. You hope until the very last second, until something bad comes like a bolt from under the blue. And you can never be prepared for that. You think "Now I'm done, the worst is over", but you aren't, and it isn't, because the tiniest bit of hope can break you all over again and again and again.

Elsie's life became much better quickly after she left Hogwarts. She got the chance to study what she truly loved to, she found new friends, and even a best friend. Juliet and Elsie were different in many ways, but the contrasts between them made their friendship so strong.

There were difficulties in her life as well, but she was happy. She didn't have any reason to complain, yet still, she always felt something was missing – but she could never explain what it was. The feeling crawled under her skin.

Remus came into Elsie's life out of sudden. She didn't expect him, yet it felt like she was waiting for him for a very long time. Deeply, she knew he was that something she missed; she just didn't want to voice it, not yet, because she wasn't sure why. It seemed such a cliché, so simple, that all she needed was a boyfriend.

But everything made sense now.

Elsie stayed at home for the rest of the week. She didn't go to school, or work, and Juliet didn't badger her with it. If it was just a break-up or something similar, she wouldn't stop talking to her, trying to lure her out of her room; but even Juliet could see it was something else now. Some space and time is what she needed.

The first month without him was the worst. All she could feel was sadness, deep, never ending. Yet it was still better than that she felt after the sorrow; the echoing emptiness, knowing what she missed, and knowing she could never get it back.

Of course Remus tried to contact her many times. Nearly every day. He sent her letters, but she never answered. All of them lied on her desk, unopened. He waited for her in front of her school, because he knew she loved to take a walk – but he never found her. She knew he'll try to talk to her in person too, so she apparated into their house. He visited her, but Juliet sent him away. Elsie told her friend that she don't want to talk to him.

"You can't avoid him forever," the blonde said once after another letter arrived from Remus. Elsie took the parchment out of the envelope, but she couldn't bring herself to read it. She tore it into pieces and threw it into the dustbin.

"I'm not going to forgive him."

"Okay, then don't," she shook her head, "But you still need to talk to him. You have a lot of question, I know you have, and if you just let him go without talk to him… you'll regret it later."

Elsie noticed the shift in Juliet's voice, and she knew she was thinking of Sirius. Even though they both agreed they should stay friends, it wasn't so easy. They haven't talked in weeks. Both of them needed to calm down inside – especially Juliet, and it was only possible without each other. For Juliet, it was hard without Sirius, but she knew it would be impossible to move on if she saw him every day.

She picked up her spoon with a sigh and stirred her black tea, staring down into the steaming liquid as she said quietly, "I'm just not sure I'm ready to talk to him."

"I know," Juliet said reassuringly. "But you have to. It will hurt, but you'll never move on if you don't get your answers."

Elsie knew she was right. And she wanted to talk with him. She was just so afraid of what she's going to hear…

She sat down to write a letter several times in the next few days, but she couldn't send any of them. She was angry at him and she was angry at herself, for being such a coward. All she wanted this whole thing to be over.

On a late afternoon near the end of May, Elsie sat in front of her desk again, trying to draft another letter to Remus. "I need to talk to you" was all she scribbled down, but it still ended in her dustbin. She growled and leaned back on her chair, just when Juliet stormed into her room.

"Will you ever learn to knock?"

Juliet tilted her head. "Sweetie, I saw you eating cookies naked before Christmas, singing a Beatles song. There are no secrets between us."

Elsie laughed. "That was also because you came into my room without knocking."

"Yeah, but that was with a good reason!"

With a long sigh and a small smile, Elsie stood up from her chair, hips leaned against her desk. "So what is it this time? Is it as important as choosing the perfect bra two in the morning?"

As Juliet's smile faded away and she bit down her lower lip, she knew it was something more serious…

"Remus is here," she started slowly, and Elsie straightened up. "I'll send him away if you want, but…"

They fell in silence for a couple seconds. Elsie felt her heart banging against her ribs and her mouth went dry; she wanted to choose the easier way. But Juliet was right – she couldn't do this forever.

Elsie slowly nodded, and they both walked out of her room. To leave them some privacy, Juliet disapparated from the house to one of her friend, making sure first Elsie was okay with stay alone with Remus.

A lump formed in her throat in the moment she opened the front door and saw him. She felt she could cry, so she turned away and said with a surprisingly steady voice, "Come in."

Remus followed her into the apartment, a bit surprised she finally let him in. She offered to make some coffee or tea, but he refused it. Considering how nervous he was, he might accidently break the cup between his hands.

"Well, sit down, then," she breathed out, avoiding his sad brown eyes while she sat down on the armchair, tucking her legs under herself. She stared down, toying with her sleeves, whilst Remus sat down across her. He looked exhausted.

Remus watched her, and he couldn't say a word. His brain was full in the past few weeks with all those things he wanted to say to Elsie, but now, when he was finally in front of her, his mind went blank. What he could say that would be enough?

"I have some questions," Elsie said after she couldn't stand the silence anymore.

Remus gave a short nod, a small weight lifted off his shoulders as she spoke first, but his relief didn't take long, thinking about what kind of questions she could ask.

"Did I know you're a werewolf? When we were dating, I mean."

He frowned a little, but cleared his throat before he said, "Yes. You figured it out pretty soon."

He studied her expression, and their eyes met, but he couldn't read anything in the deep blue depths. Usually, it was easy to read her face, but now, he couldn't decide anything. Was she angry, sad, or disappointed; he couldn't tell.

"What about my Patronus? You were distracted when you saw my wolf," Elsie sad; in the past weeks she had enough time to think about every little strange detail that happened between them. "It wasn't always a wolf, was it?"

Remus smiled sadly, but it faded away soon. It never take long to put two and two together for her. "It was a rabbit. I saw you conjure it many times. It was never a wolf."

"So it changed after you Obliviated me," she said, and Remus nodded in answer. "How?"

"I'm not an expert, but I believe they can change due to trauma and…"

"I know that too," Elsie cut him off. "But how could it change when I had no memory of you?"

Remus looked down with a shrug and shook his head. "I don't know."

His words made her angry; she needed answers. She wasn't even sure if he was telling a truth or not. Knowing she'll probably can't get more answers about this subject, she asked her next question.

"How could I remember you?"

Remus snapped his head up and frowned hard. "What do you mean?"

"I thought they were dreams. It started after we first met…" he stopped and sighed, realizing it wasn't true. "I mean, when we met at James and Lily's last year. I had dreams about you. Small things, really. Walking together, talking about small things, kissing… I don't know, sometimes I could barely remember them by the time I woke up, but they were much more realistic than dreams. And after we first slept together," he stopped again for a second, but went on quickly, "At least the first I can remember. You know I had a nightmare, but I didn't tell you what it was about."

Remus nodded, a lump forming in his throat.

"I saw you attacking me. But I guess it wasn't just a dream. None of them, right? How is it possible?"

She saw him thinking hard for a long minute, yet his answer wasn't really satisfying. "I can't be sure. I've never done that spell before… maybe I screwed something up."

Elsie let out a frustrated sigh; he didn't sound honest.

"What about Sirius? And the others? Did they know you're going to Obliviate me?"

A shaky breath left Remus as he shifted on the couch. He knew everything he was about to say will hurt her.

"I only told them a day after," he answered quietly, and he saw as Elsie swallowed hard, and broke the eye-contact. "Except Sirius. He was there."

She turned her head quickly towards him again, eyebrows furrowed. "Sirius was there when you Obliviated me? And he didn't try to…"

"No, no, I mean," he cut her off and took a deep breath, "He was there with you after… after I attacked you. He brought you back to the house, and he stayed until I came back. I told him what I want to do, but I don't think he actually believed me. But he wasn't there when I did it. I took you home first."

The first sting of tears pricked the corner of her eyes, and she bit her lower lip, shook her head and looked away from him. Remus saw as a teardrop rolled down on her cheek and she brushed it away. He wanted to stand up and go to her, wipe her tears away, let her sob into his chest, hold her between his arms, comfort her in any way. But he couldn't, not when he was the one who made her feel this way in the first place.

"Was I close to them?" she asked suddenly, not looking into his eyes. "Sirius, Lily, the others?"

"You were good friends. Especially with Sirius… you were really close."

She gave a small, barely audible laugh. "Yet none of them tried to tell me what happened."

"Elizabeth…"

"It's just strange, you know," she said, finally looking at him again. "If we were such good friends, why none of them told me about it? They just forgot about me like you did?"

Remus heaved a sigh. "You think that? Do you really think that I…" he stopped there as his voice trembled, but continued quickly, "There wasn't one day I didn't think about you. There was not a single day, Elizabeth," they stared into each other's eyes, and she didn't even tried to wipe her tears away anymore. "And of course they didn't forget about you. Lily and Sirius wanted to tell you, and they wanted me to make it back. But just imagine them going to you and tell you all these things – would you have believed them? Just don't… don't blame them."

"I don't blame them," Elsie said, shaking. "I blame _you_ , Remus. You are the one who did this, and dragged all of your friends, _our_ friends into this as well!"

Remus said nothing but clenched his jaw, looking away, unable to stand her gaze anymore.

"Why did you do this, Remus? Why did you take my memories away?"

"I just tried to protect you," mumbled, staring down.

"No!" Elsie yelled, jumping up from the couch, pacing up and down in the room as she continued, "You could just leave me, Remus. Told me you don't want to see me ever again. Or that you want to keep me safe. Sure, I'd have kept trying for a while," she stopped in front of him, but the small table was between them. "But I'd give up sooner or later."

Remus stood up too. "I was desperate, okay? I couldn't think after I saw you like that," he didn't shout, but his voice was loud as well. "You know, not every full moon is the same," he continued more quietly. "Sometimes I remember everything, but usually, when I really lose my mind after the transformation, I can't remember anything when I wake up in the next day. But I do remember everything that happened that night. Your blood curdling screams, the fear in your eyes, my own anger… I _wanted_ to hurt you," he said slowly, his eyes filled with tears.

Elsie let out a loud sob, but then she tried to swallow her tears back. "I knew you were a werewolf, back then. I'm pretty sure I was aware what I was sign up for."

"You don't understand…"

"Oh, I do," Elsie cut him off again. "Do you want to know what I think? I think you're selfish. Because you didn't want to see me and remember what you did when you looked into my eyes. You chose the easiest way," her voice shaky, yet somehow still strong, and every of her words made Remus' heart break a little more. "You wanted to forget what you did, because you hated yourself because of it. It wasn't about me."

"It was about you, Elizabeth, I just wanted to keep you safe from myself!" his voice loud again while he walked around the small table, stopping in front of the girl.

Elsie crossed her arms across her chest. Her face wasn't angry anymore; all he could see was sadness and disappointment. "Do you know what the worst part is? You can't see why I am angry at you. You think the problem is that you attacked me. It is not," she said slowly, and involuntarily took a step closer. "Remus, I knew you were a werewolf. I'm not stupid, I knew something bad could happen any time. This is something you can't control. But you Obliviated me. That was your decision. And you can't see why that is bad."

His legs gave up, and he plopped down on the couch again. He didn't know what he should say, how he could make her understand that he did it for her. He couldn't make her understand.

"Why did you came here today? You wanted to talk to me – I don't understand why. This is what you wanted, right? You wanted me to stay away from you," Elsie said and sat down at the armrest of the chair. Her tears finally stopped, but the lump in her throat didn't disappear.

"I just don't know how I am supposed to go on without you anymore."

"And how should I?" Elsie asked with pained voice. "You wiped out my memories of you, but I still can't remember anything without you. I feel like… like you were always a part of my life, I just can't put my fingers around it. I can't, because I don't remember exact moments, just feelings."

Remus sniffed, brushing his tears away with his sleeves. "I can't give your memories back."

"I don't want them back," she said through gritted teeth for his surprise. "A month ago… even just a few days ago, I'd have done anything to get my memories back. Not anymore. I don't want to remember you. I just wish I could forget you."

His heart sank to the floor and he bowed his head down. He felt deep sorrow tearing him apart from inside, and he wasn't sure he had ever felt something so painful ever before.

It hurt her too, saying these things out loud. And it hurt to see him like this. But how could she forgive him?

"You have nothing to say?" Elsie asked in a small voice when the silence was unbearable.

Remus raised his head, but his eyes were fixed somewhere behind her. "I don't know what I can say to make you understand," he said with a shaky breath. "I don't know what I can say to make you believe that I did this for you."

Silence, again. It was so hard to say anything.

Slowly, Elsie stood up again. "I don't think we should see each other for a while. Or anymore."

Remus nodded and stood up too, walking towards the front door with weak legs. Still, he hurried, before he'd collapse right and there.

He opened the door, but turned back after he heard Elsie called his name.

"Have you ever thought about that maybe you shouldn't have done that?"

Finally, his gaze met hers, and she felt her own knees trembled.

"Every day."

* * *

She missed him. No matter how much she tried to deny, it was empty without him. Now her only hope was that it will be easier with time.

She didn't get much time for it as only two days after her talk with Remus, an unexpected visitor came knocking on her door. Elsie was surprised to see Sirius, and from the look on his face, he expected her reaction.

"It's really nice to see you too," he said with an amused face, causing Elsie to laugh.

"Sorry, I just didn't expect to see you. Juliet isn't here…"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you," he cut her off.

Elsie heaved a sigh, but let Sirius walk into the house. He followed her into the kitchen; parchments and books were scattered around the table. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Yeah, my non-stop study session. I have four exams this week," Elsie said and waved her wand, levitating her belongings up from the table. With another wave, she wanted to send them out of the kitchen, but they crashed onto the wall and fell on the floor.

She let out a tired sigh, while Sirius laughed. "Well, I'm really happy you're a writer and not anything else that involves even the tiniest use of magic."

"Very funny," she crossed her arms across her chest, but smiled as well, while Sirius finished what she started and levitated her books and papers out of the kitchen, setting them down in her bedroom.

"How's Jules doing?"

"She's fine," pouring some Firewhisky to Sirius. "But why don't you ask her?"

Sirius shrugged and took a sip from his drink, while Elsie opened a Butterbeer for herself and sat down across him. "I just wasn't sure she's ready to be around me again. Is she?"

"I think she is. But if you want to talk to her, you better be quick, because we'll spend the summer in America."

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise. " _We_?"

Elsie gave a nod and put a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I'll go with her."

They fell in silence for a few seconds, and she was sure what Sirius was thinking of. He refilled his glass, before looked back at Elsie again. "Running away from Remus isn't the solution."

"I'm not running away!" she said loudly. "It's just a good opportunity to see something new."

Sirius watched her with a quirked eyebrow, while she was picking the label off the bottle. Then she looked up suddenly, her voice cold, but not angry. "Did he send you to talk to me?"

"No," Sirius snorted. "He would murder me if he knew I came here."

Elsie let out a deep breath. He knew he was telling the truth; Remus wouldn't send someone else to do the dirty work, no matter how desperate he was.

"He told me those things you told him," Sirius spoke slowly and carefully, knowing the wounds were still fresh. "I'm not saying you weren't right about anything, but… I just want to make you understand what it feels like from his view."

"Sirius," Elsie shook her head, "You don't have to explain anything, because I understand. I get it, you want to protect your friend. But I can't change my mind, no matter what you'll say. I'm not angry. I'm disappointed."

Sirius leaned closer above the table. "First of all, you are my friend too. I'm trying to help on the both of you, since none of you can do it by yourself," he said jokingly, causing Elsie to roll her eyes with a tiny smile before he went on, more seriously. "And I don't think you understand, because I don't understand either! None of us can understand."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about that he's a werewolf."

Elsie let out a growl, leaning back on her chair. "Sirius, don't start this you too. I never cared about his condition!"

"I know. Me neither," he explained, drinking his remained Firewhisky. "I just want you to try to imagine being him for a second. Yeah, you and me, we don't care about that he's a werewolf. The rest of the world does. It isn't just about one night at every month, it's about every single day of his life since he's a little kid. He isn't just judged by the whole society, he's feared. Like he isn't scared enough he could hurt someone," he took a deep breath and leaned back against his chair, staring his empty glass for a few seconds.

"I know him for a long time, Elsie. He always put others first. Not just because he's selfless, but because he's scared. Of himself, what he's capable of. It could poison anyone's mind."

She felt as tears burned her eyes again, even though she was sure she couldn't cry anymore. She cleared her throat, trying not to speak with a hoarse voice. "I understand what you are saying, and I feel sorry for him, but his condition can't be an excuse. Should we let him to hurt us all over and over again and then forgive him, just because he has issues?"

"No, of course not," Sirius shook his head. "I know he fucked this up, but I swear he had never done anything bad to you before that."

Elsie brushed a tear away. "So what do you think I should do? Forgive him, and forget everything that happened? You know, it's not just that he Obliviated me… after _years_ , he let me fall in love with him again, while he lied to my face for months. Why he couldn't just let me go?"

"Did you know werewolves only fall in love once?"

She stood up with a growl, walking towards the window. "Don't come at me with this. It's just a tale anyway."

"Yeah, it isn't," Sirius answered with ease, watching Elsie as she leaned against the wall with her shoulder, looking through the window, arms crossed across her chest. "I'm not saying you should forget everything, or forgive him immediately, but… I don't know. Maybe you could give him a chance. Stay close to him. Help him to understand he doesn't need to push people away."

He stood up and walked closer, stopping behind her. He saw as she shook her head before she said,

"I don't know how I could trust him."

"You need time," Sirius nodded, and Elsie turned around to face him. "All I ask is try to think this through before you make your final decision."

She let out a defeated sigh. "Okay, I will. But I can't promise anything. And don't tell him we talked."

"I won't. I told you, he'd murder me," his scared expression made Elsie chuckle.

"How did we become friends?" she asked then, her eyes still teary, but a small smile on her lips. "Remus told me we were really close."

Sirius leaned against the counter. "Well, I guess I just tried to talk to you a lot. You weren't really talkative."

Elsie gave a short nod and a silent chuckle, before Sirius went on. "But the bonding moment was when we spent nearly a week together in the Hospital Wing."

"What?!"

He laughed at her surprised face and the memory. "You joined to one of our prank wars. I pranked Remus, he pranked back, and then I pranked him back. You laughed at him when I turned his hair into pink for a week, so he pranked you, and you joined to me… don't look at me like this, I know it was a mess," he grinned. "So, you joined to me, and this one time we were making a potion, and you blew it up somehow, and both of us as well."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

"We spent the next couple days in the Hospital Wing, then a week at detention. You had literally no other choice but like me, or suffer."

They both laughed while she wiped her still wet eyes with her sleeves. When they stopped, Elsie looked at him with a sadder smile, "I wish I could remember."

"Me too."

Sirius stayed for another hour, while they talked about old memories – well, Sirius did. Nothing sad, nothing serious; just funny little things that helped to cheer her up. Even she was surprised that it actually helped, a lot.

"Will you think about what I told you?" Sirius asked before he left, leaning against the doorframe.

Elsie sighed, then gave a little shrug. She wished she could just forget all the bad parts, make the pain go away. It hurt without him, but she knew it would hurt with him more.

"I will think about it, yes. But it still hurt too much to promise anything."


	12. Moonstruck

As every morning in the past few weeks, Elsie woke up feeling like she hasn't slept more than minutes. Firstly, it was the jetlag – both Elsie and Juliet suffered from it when they arrived to the United States. After a couple of days though the constant headache and dizziness stopped, but she still couldn't sleep well.

It was quiet, too quiet. Elsie got used to the always noisy London, day and night – somehow it was hard to fall asleep when you could absolutely hear nothing but the wind in the middle of the peaceful suburb.

And then the weather. It wasn't the mild, rainy summer with only a few hot days; the temperature was always high, even in the early hours in the morning. It didn't let her sleep, and Elsie often found herself sitting on the porch in the middle of the somewhat cooler night.

But no, it wasn't her own thoughts that kept her awake. And no, it wasn't the image of Remus' tear-filled eyes, always crawling into her mind. It wasn't his trembling voice, it wasn't his words.

After they arrived to Juliet's parents' house, Elsie made her friend to promise they're not going to talk about Remus. Juliet gladly agreed, as she was also under the impression that this solution would be the best. Just ignoring the problems for a while.

But it wasn't only Elsie's tired eyes that made hard for Juliet to keep her mouth shut about Remus and about what was going on with them. It was also when she woke up in the middle of the night and realized Elsie wasn't there; or when she couldn't even fall asleep, hearing as she was quietly sobbed into her pillow.

Juliet tried to talk to her, but Elsie always changed the subject. For now, all she could do was give her some space, but at this point, she seriously started to worry about her.

"Any plans for today?" Elsie asked after she shifted a yawn, buttoning her high waisted shorts. Juliet had a plan for nearly every day – she didn't want to waste even an hour with doing nothing.

"Yes, actually," she said as pulled her blond locks into a ponytail. "I always visit one of my old teachers when I'm home for the summer break, so I thought we could go today. She was my Head of House and also a second mother."

"Okay," Elsie shrugged. "Does she live here?"

Juliet sat down at her makeup table to put some lipstick on before she said, "No—I mean, she's at Ilvermorny."

"It's August," Elsie said with a frown, leaning against the table.

"Yeah, so? Hogwarts is closed for summer or what?"

"Uhm, yes."

"Huh. That's strange," Juliet said, her eyebrows slightly raised in surprise after she finished her makeup. "Well, Ilvermony is always open… for kids who can't go home for any reason."

Elsie thought about all those kids at Hogwarts who hated to leave the castle. "That's really nice, though."

"I understand if you don't want to come," Juliet continued after she stood up, "We always spend hours with chattering, so—"

"Are you kidding me? Of course I want to see another wizarding school," Elsie said enthusiastically, making Juliet smile, before she went on more seriously. "And I need to go to the library anyway…"

Juliet frowned. "Why?"

"Just some research for work," Elsie answered but avoided Juliet's green eyes, and she knew she was lying. She still had the job at the Witch Weekly, but the editor in chief let her go for the summer; in exchange, she needed to work on two bigger articles though, but Juliet knew Elsie finished those weeks ago.

She let out a small sigh, but decided she isn't going to force her to tell the truth if she doesn't want to. "You're going to love our library, I can tell you. Check the basement once you're there."

* * *

Ilvermorny stood at the highest peak of a mount, surrounded by woods and mist. Yet it didn't look frightening, or unwelcoming; with the blue domes and light marble it looked like a castle from a fairy tale.

Juliet was humming a song while Elsie tried to catch every detail from the building – she nearly bumped into a kid while she stared the statues, standing either side of the wide open front doors.

But it was nothing compared how it looked inside. The entrance hall was a huge, circular room with a glass cupola, making the room looking even bigger and brighter. One floor above there was a wooden balcony around the room, and in the middle, wooden carvings of four animals, representing the houses of Ilvermorny.

"This is amazing. I love it," Elsie said in awe, and Juliet smiled proudly. "Which house you were in?"

"Wampus, of course," she answered like it was the only answer, pointing at the cat craved from wood, before she clutched her arm around Elsie's. "I show you the way to the library."

She led her through the circular room and into a long hallway; because of the huge windows; it seemed the whole castle was bright. Juliet stopped at the end of the corridor in front of a double door. She told Elsie she should wait for her there, unless she wants to get lost in the castle.

After the blonde left, Elsie opened the door of the library and hew jaw dropped—she didn't expect it to be so huge. Just as the main hall, the library was also circular with a glass cupola, but it has four floors, all of them filled with rows of bookshelves. Her steps echoed in the quiet room while she walked across the room, her lips still slightly parted as she gazed the upper floors. She only halted when she bumped into a desk, but it still didn't stop from her from staring the books in awe.

"Can I help you?" someone asked, so she slowly looked down to the direction of the voice. The librarian was a tall, young woman, but even though her smile was friendly, Elsie had the feeling she wasn't much lenient than Madam Pince.

For a minute, the beauty of the library made her to forget why she came here in the first place. She cleared her throat before she said, "Yes, please. I'm searching for books about memory charms."

The librarian quirked an eyebrow. "Could you be a little bit more precise? We have at least five hundred books about memory charms."

"Well, uh…" Elsie didn't really know how she could narrow the circle, as she wasn't sure about where she could find the answers for her questions. "Anything about breaking the charm. And maybe if you have something about the behaviour of the Obliviated persons? And the effects and the dangers? And—"

"Thank you," the woman cut her off with her eyes wide. "Now I can only recommend you four hundred and ninety nine books."

Elsie let out an annoyed sigh after the librarian's tone. "Could you just show me the right direction, please?"

She grumbled under her breath, but scribbled down something on a spare piece of parchment that she gave to Elsie. It was numbers of rows and bookshelves, a lot of them, and after she examined them for too long, the librarian spoke up again,

"Do you need a map as well?"

Elsie said nothing but rolled her eyes as she walked away, trying to find everything she needed. The woman wasn't exaggerating; there were indeed a lot of books about memory charms. She selected some that seemed the most promising by the title, but she still ended up with more than twenty books by the time she decided it was enough for now.

Besides Elsie, only the librarian, two students, and one teacher were in the library, so she could choose a table she liked the most; a small one in the back of the room, which was quiet and no one could see her.

But despite of hundreds of books lied between the walls of the castle about the forgetfulness charm, none of them could give the answers for Elsie's questions. All said the same, and none of them fully applied to her.

And it seemed breaking the charm indeed wasn't so easy. The only person who is able to do it is the one who casted the spell; if anyone else wants to break the charm, it's only possible through torture.

"Well, I'm not so desperate," she mumbled under her breath after closed "The Big Book of Counter-spells" with a disappointed sigh. She looked at her wristwatch, and was surprised to see hours passed since they arrived to the school. Juliet wasn't kidding when she said they always talk for hours with her old teacher.

Elsie was tired and dejected. She hoped after Remus couldn't answer her questions, maybe books can, but she found no answer, nothing, not even close.

She stood up to search for new books again, because _there has to be an answer somewhere_ , but then she noticed the staircase not far from her which led down to a basement. Remembering Juliet's words, she walked down and couldn't refrain a smile when she saw another huge room full of books. Of course it wasn't nearly as big as the one upstairs, nor as bright, yet she immediately fall in love with the place. As no one else were there, only a few lamp gave a dim light to the room, so as she walked deeper between the rows, she made more and more lit up with the tip of her wand. There weren't many tables and uncomfortable chairs, but all kind of armchairs and beanbags and couches, and Elsie wished they had something like this at Hogwarts as well. With another smile, she also realized all the shelves were filled with muggle literature. In the back of the room, there was a long table next to the wall full of mugs, leaves and filters, where anyone could make a cup of tea or coffee. Madam Pince would scream if she saw that, Elsie thought, as the librarian of Hogwarts once threw her out when she opened a bottle of pumpkin juice above a book.

She hurried back upstairs and quickly found some more books about Obliviate before she went down to the basement again; only the atmospheres of the library made her feel better, more hopeful.

But once again, it didn't last long. Everything that she read was useless, or nothing that she didn't know already. With a defeated sigh, she dropped the book she read last time on the table in front of her, and leaned back on the armchair with closed eyes.

It was so comfortable, and thanks to her terrible sleeping schedule, she felt she could fall asleep in any second, but then a voice made her to open her eyes immediately.

"May I help you?"

Elsie didn't notice when someone else came down there, an hour or a second ago, but now an old man was sitting a few tables away from her in a huge armchair, reading a book called Cinderella. He looked funny like this, in his blue and cranberry robes, his white hair sticking up in all directions, his round, horn-rimmed glasses making his blue eyes at least twice as bigger as they really were. He smiled at her with a knowing look, and for a second, Elsie felt like she was staring at Dumbledore. Except her ex-headmaster didn't look crazy – at least, not that much.

"No, but thank you," she thanked with a forced smile and opened another book, hoping the old man will leave her alone.

How wrong she was.

She heard while he stood up with a groan and walked closer to her with his shocking blue walking stick, stopping next to the chair across her. "May I?"

Elsie nodded and took a sip from her cold tea. She considered she should get up and leave, but the he spoke up again, his eyes on the books that Elsie brought down,

"Are you thinking about Obliviate someone?"

"Of course not," she replied almost angrily. "It's just… I need them for my studies."

"Oh, I see," the old man nodded, and his smile told Elsie he couldn't be fooled so easily. "Well, I think – but correct me if I'm wrong – you didn't find what you were searching for. Am I wrong?"

Elsie put down her mug. "Well… no… but—"

"Great!" he clapped his hands together and leaned back on the armchair. "Maybe you haven't noticed, because I look very young for my age, thank you so much, but I'm a lot older than you and probably wiser as well."

She let out a chuckle in answer, so he went on,

"Perhaps I can help you with your _studies_."

Elsie was thinking about it for a second, but she realized that at this point, she had nothing to lose. She desperately needed answers, and she hold onto every chance she got.

"So I was just thinking," she started slowly, trying to form her words carefully, "If someone obliviates a person, is there any chance that person could still remember?"

The man was thinking for a second before he answered with ease, "No. No, I don't think so."

"But…" Elsie started with confuse in her face. "I mean… are you sure?"

He leaned closer with narrowed eyes. "What are you exactly thinking about?"

"Well…" she said before she let out a long sigh. It sounded so crazy even when she was just thinking of it, let alone saying it out loud. "Let's just say someone was obliviated. And this person, of course she doesn't know about it. But she could feel that there's something missing from her life. She can't put her fingers around it, because everything is fine around her, but there's… there's this feeling that she's searching for, she just doesn't know what that is exactly. Is it possible?"

"It is. Rare, but possible," he answered after a few seconds of silence, and quickly went on before Elsie could ask her next question. "You sound very experienced about it."

She said nothing, and as the old man saw she started to feel herself uncomfortable, he added, "Certainly you have done a thorough research."

Elsie smiled weakly, knowing that by now the man figured out everything, but she went on anyway. "And what if she meets again with the person who obliviated her? She can't remember anything about him, but she starts to dream about him. And later, she figures out that they aren't dreams but actual memories. Is it also possible?"

The concern on his face showed he was truly surprised by what he heard, yet his expression quickly changed into a smile. "I've never heard something like this before… but of course it's possible. Why not?"

Elsie frowned at the sound of his nonchalant voice. "So you think everything is possible?"

"Why of course," he nodded. "Everything is possible until they prove it isn't."

She let out another sigh of defeat. Now it seemed stupid she thought she could learn anything from the old man, yet she hoped, just as every time she opened a new book.

"You look disappointed."

"Well I am disappointed!" she answered loudly, but gave an apologetic look a moment later.

"May I ask why?"

"Because I want to know how it is possible to remember things I'm not supposed to!" she said in a low, but desperate voice. "I want to know how I can miss a feeling that I shouldn't even feel. I want to know how some memories came back while all these books say memory charms only can be broken through torture. And I want to know how it is possible that my Patronus changed to match his, while I have absolutely no memory of him."

Elsie leaned her head back, not even caring about she said so much to a complete stranger. She felt herself exhausted. And, if she wanted to be honest, it felt good to tell these things to someone she didn't know at all.

"If I'm not wrong, you were close to each other, weren't you?"

She nodded. "We were in love."

"Were?" he asked with another knowing smile, and Elsie had the feeling again like she was talking with Dumbledore. "Either way, that might be the answer to your questions."

"What? That… we're in love with each other? How is that to answer to anything?"

"Oh well," he shifted in the chair, his hands resting on his stick. "You are still in love, Miss…"

"I'm Elizabeth," she said, and immediately noticed that for the first time, she didn't introduce herself as Elsie. But why did she do that when she hated when people called her on her full name?

"You are still in love, Elizabeth," he went on, "Think about it. Is there any other feeling that felt so intense?"

She let out an annoyed growl. "Well, I don't know, probably yes…"

"No," the old man cut her off. "There isn't. Because they're all temporary. Love isn't lasts for just hours or days, is it?"

Elsie bit her tongue and stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Once again, she felt like she was speaking with a complete lunatic.

"So I couldn't completely forget him because I was so in love with him? That's all?"

"That's all? That's all?!" he asked loudly before rolled his blue eyes, then looked back at Elsie with a small laugh. "Why would you underestimate the power of love?"

"I don't, it's just… you just talk about love like it's some kind of… greater power."

He raised his eyebrows, the smile never leaving his lips. "Isn't it?"

Elsie fell in silence. Whatever she thought, it seemed the crazy-looking old man was one hundred percent sure about everything he said. Yet still, she felt she could talk with him about a few things, but then she heard footsteps on the staircase and soon she saw Juliet walking closer to them.

"Professor Dirk! It's good to see you."

Elsie and the professor both stood up as the latter said, "Good to see you too, Juliet. Do you still write those amazing poems?"

It was hard for Elsie to hide her surprise; of course she knew about Juliet loved writing poems, but besides her, there were only a few persons who knew, and she hardly ever let anyone to read them.

After a short chat, they left the library and walked out of the castle; just like in Hogwarts, they couldn't apparate from the castle, nor from anywhere nearby; they needed to get into the small train which brought them down from the mount.

"Sorry it took so long…" Juliet started after they were in her bedroom, but Elsie couldn't really hear anything what her friend said after that. This whole conversation with the professor made her upset.

"Elsie? Are even listening to me?" Juliet asked with raised eyebrows, plopping down on the edge of her bed.

Elsie shook herself and nodded, sitting down at the other side of the bed. "Yeah, sorry – what were you saying?"

Juliet sighed before she repeated her question, "What were you talking about with Dirk? And how much did he make you think everyone at Ilvermorny is completely mad?"

She laughed, but ignored her question. "Is he the Headmaster?"

Juliet snorted. "Jesus, no! He teaches Potions. And, I mean, he's smart and stuff but in case you haven't noticed, he's a bit of crazy. Can you imagine a man like him in that position?"

Elsie said nothing but let out a weak laugh, thinking about Dumbledore. But her thoughts wandered away soon again, making Juliet feel like she was talking to a brick wall.

"Okay, seriously, what is wrong with you?!" Juliet yelled and Elsie almost jumped up from the bed, but she just cleared her throat,

"Nothing – I'm just tired."

Juliet huffed angrily. "Well, I'm not surprised."

With a shake of her head, Elsie stood up and crossed her arms across her chest; she had no idea why Juliet was so upset suddenly. "And what is wrong with _you_?!"

"Nothing, just…" she stopped and let out a deep sigh, looking up at her friend. "I don't know what's going on with you anymore. You don't want to talk about Remus, but I know it's bothering you. And whenever I wake up in the middle of the night, you're either wandering around somewhere or crying—"

"I'm not crying," Elsie cut her off, though her voice wasn't convincing at all.

Juliet gave her a knowing look. "We sleep in the same room. Stop lying."

Elsie ran her fingers through her messy hair and plopped down next to Juliet with a sigh, but said nothing for a long minute, so Juliet went on,

"You can't stop thinking about him, can you?"

She shrugged and looked at her. "It isn't so surprising, is it? After everything that happened…"

A worried frown creased Juliet's brow. "Well… I mean…" she started, and Elsie looked at her in confuse before she finally continued. "It's been five months, Elsie. And I don't know, I just think you should be better by now, at least a bit? I'm scared for you."

Elsie shook her head with a tiny smile. "You don't have to worry about me. And I feel a lot better! Just because sometimes I still cry—"

"No, it isn't about that sometimes you cry," she cut her off. "You're not yourself since then. I know you were always this quiet, melancholic type, but this is like, a whole new level! You can't be really happy about anything for too long before I could practically hear as you get lost in your thoughts."

Elsie bit down her lower lip; she knew Juliet was right about everything. But her mind went blank every time when she started to think about a solution. It's been really five months since Remus told her the truth, but it passed so quickly Elsie didn't even realized until now. Although, now she wasn't surprised why she was so tired. Five months of constant thinking about the same things.

"What do you suggest I should do, then?"

Juliet sighed, and Elsie could tell she was about to say something she might not like. "Okay, I'll ask something, but don't be angry, and promise me you're not gonna lie."

She rolled her eyes but promised she'll tell the truth, though she didn't know what Juliet could ask that made her want to lie, until she finally asked her question,

"Do you really, honestly want to forget him and move on? Or do you want to be with him again?"

"Juliet!"

The blonde raised her index finger. "You promised."

Elsie leaned her head back against the wall with a long sigh. Why was it so hard to respond to this, when the answer should have been so simple?

"I wish I could be with him," she said finally, looking up at the ceiling. "Of course I want to be with him. But how could I? How could I trust him after that?"

"I actually can't believe that _I am_ saying that, but… if you love him that much, just go back to him."

Elsie looked at her friend and couldn't refrain a short laugh. "I can't believe that either."

Usually, it was Juliet who was more rational, and never let her feelings control her actions too much; Elsie was sure she'd say she shouls just forget him for good and never talk to him ever again.

Juliet smiled sadly in answer. "If you want my opinion, but you know I'm gonna tell it anyway – you love him and he loves you. I just don't think it's something that you should take for granted. Maybe you could give him one more chance."

Elsie almost asked if Juliet spent too much time with the crazy professor, as she talked in a very similar way about love, but then she realized she was talking from experience and maybe she shouldn't joke about it. Yet she didn't know how she could just go back to Remus, and she didn't understand why everyone thought it was so easy…

"I don't know how I could trust him," Elsie repeated. "Juliet, he doesn't understand why what he did was wrong. He only thinks that he did a terrible thing with that he attacked me, but he thinks that he Obliviated me was actually the best thing he could do. Knowing this I just… I can't be with him. What if he'll do it again?"

Juliet couldn't say anything. She understood her, and she understood Remus as well after Sirius told her so much about him, but she didn't want to force Elsie into anything she didn't want to. She wanted her to be happy again, but for now, she didn't know what would be the best for her.

They sat in silence for too long, until both of them started to mind their own business. Juliet was sitting at her desk, writing something while Elsie lied on the bed, reading The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, when she suddenly looked up, threw the book down on the bed and sat up,

"Juliet?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you cut my hair off?"

Elsie was sure they could hear Juliet's loud gasp even downstairs. "Oh my God, are you serious?"

"Yes, I am," Elsie rolled her eyes with a smile. Juliet never failed to mention her how much better she would look with a shorter hair instead of her long, untamed locks, but Elsie loved her hair. Except when it was a lot of work, and it always was a lot of work… and now, it was a good time for a little change.

With an excited squeal, Juliet stood up from her chair and motioned Elsie to sit down. She stopped behind her and ran her fingers through her hair a couple times,

"Oh my God, I'm so scared."

Elsie's eyes widened with fear. "You know what, maybe _you_ shouldn't do it—"

"Oh, calm down," Juliet put her hands on Elsie's shoulder, stopping her from standing up. "I always do it for myself and I look amazing."

She laughed at her answer but she was right; she really always made an amazing job with her own hair. She wasn't afraid at all when she saw Juliet pulled the scissor out of her drawer…

* * *

Remus woke up with a terrible headache; it felt like someone was pounding on his head with a sledgehammer. He closed his eyes back immediately as the bright light sent another sharp throb through his head, cursing himself he didn't pulled the dark curtains on the window last night. It took him another fifteen minutes until he had enough strength to get up from his bed; he pulled his blanket off himself and slowly sat up, but almost threw up when he saw the nearly empty bottle of Firewhisky on his nightstand, and smelled its strong scent.

He buried his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes with his palms, trying to clear his mind somehow, somewhat, but everything was so blurry. Remus didn't get drunk every day, or every week, but when he did, he always lost control. It started out innocently every time – just a glass or two so it would help to sleep better, but he never stopped there.

He put a pair of sweatpants on and an old t-shirt before finally left his bedroom. The flat was quiet, probably empty, but he didn't think much about it as he walked into the kitchen and gulped down three glasses of fresh water. He just plopped down on a chair by the kitchen table with a tired sigh, when he heard the front door open; a few moments later Sirius passed by the kitchen, but quickly turned back when he saw Remus was sitting inside.

Sirius stopped next to the doorframe and peeked on his wristwatch; it was about half-past four in the afternoon. "Good morning," he said then and crossed his arms across his chest, figuring out from the state of her dishevelled hair that he probably woke up only minutes ago.

Remus ignored his sarcastic tone. "Where were you?"

"Oh, you know, I just helped our friends to move into their new house in Godric's Hollow," Sirius said while walked into the kitchen, before he opened a Butterbeer. "Something that you also promised to James, but it seems you don't really give a shit anymore."

Remus closed his eyes and let out a sigh. "I didn't – I just forget it was today. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I tried. I even went into your room to shook you up, but you just grumbled and sent me away. Guess you don't remember."

Sirius was right, he didn't. Yet the guilt he felt didn't last long – he gave a short shrug before he said, "Well I guess Lily didn't really want to see me anyway."

He tried to hide an eye roll, but he failed. Remus couldn't see it anyway as he stared the empty glass in front of himself on the table. After Sirius ran his fingers through his hair and took a long sip from his drink, he spoke up,

"Moony, it isn't a secret we were all angry at you when you Obliviated Elsie. Yes, Lily was angry at you a couple months back as well. But it doesn't mean she doesn't want to see you. We're your friends. We're scared for you."

"I'll be fine," Remus replied shortly, but didn't look at Sirius.

"Yeah, you said the same two months ago when you ran away during full moon, and disappeared for two days."

As he got no answer, Sirius went on. "We all made mistakes before. You shouldn't screw your life up because of it."

Remus snorted. "Have you ever fucked something up so bad the girl run straight to another continent away from you?"

Sirius heaved a sigh. "Not because of you. And, if that makes you feel better, she'll come back in a week."

"Not because of me," Remus replied bitterly.

Sirius shook his head and finished his Butterbeer. It wasn't their first conversation where he tried to make Remus to pick himself up from the floor, but it seemed nothing helped, and he started to run out of ideas.

"I talked to her after the last time you saw her."

For the first time, Remus finally looked up. "Sirius, I told you—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I did it anyway, so let's skip this part," he said and Remus leaned back against the chair with a defeated sigh, but couldn't lie to himself as he was curious what they talked about. "She doesn't give a shit about that you're a werewolf, and she knows that it could've happened any time, just as I know, and James, and Peter – we all took the risk. She knows that. Try to accept that we love you enough for take the risk."

Remus knew that, and he thought he could accept it, but he always felt a rush of guilt from time to time. Of course he never attacked any of his friends before, but even the tiniest bit of possibility made him feel terrible…

"Listen, I don't know if she ever wants to forgive you or not, but I can tell you she still loves you. Try not to forget that…"

"This isn't exactly makes me feel better, you know," Remus said and stared down again, feeling as tears started to burn his eyes.

Sirius sighed. "I just want you to see what she was trying to tell you! That we all always try to tell you. She didn't leave you because you did something you couldn't control. She left you, because you did everything to push her away."

"It's the same, afterall," Remus said after a minute of silence. He understood well what Sirius was talking about, but he couldn't get his love back, and because of that, there was no difference for him anymore.

 _It isn't_ , Sirius wanted to say, but he didn't. It seemed like he could say nothing that would make him feel better, but then Remus spoke up again, and for the first time in months, it sounded like he was asking for help,

"Two years weren't enough to forget her after I Obliviated her. And now – it's just much worse than it was for the first time without her. I can't move on. I don't know how."

"Well, as a first step," Sirius started slowly, "Maybe you should spend more time with your friends."

Remus looked up at Sirius with a small, but grateful smile. He wasn't sure it could help. He wasn't sure if anything could help, but losing all of his friends because of his behaviour was not less frightening…

* * *

The rest of the summer passed quickly. The girls arrived back to London two weeks before September, as Elsie promised her mother she'll spend at least a week with them before the school starts. She nearly got a heart attack when she saw her daughter cut her "beautiful long hair" off, but Elsie merely rolled her eyes in answer. She loved it, and it seemed everyone else liked her new, shoulder length locks.

Getting back to work and school at the same day was more exhausting that she would think. It was more than enough to spend half of her day at school; Elsie wished she could just go home with Juliet instead of spending four more hours in the office.

It was almost dark outside when she finally arrived back to their flat, exhausted, hungry, and sleepy. She dropped her bag down in the middle of the living room and plopped down on the couch with a growl, eyes closed, but she heard as Juliet came out of her bedroom. "Good night."

"Nope, wake up," Juliet said and threw a cushion into her face, making her to look up.

"If it isn't food, I don't care right now."

Juliet rolled her eyes but sat down next to Elsie anyway. "Well, no, but there's some French fries in the kitchen—"

Despite of how tired she was, Elsie was already on her feet and hurried into the kitchen; eating the cold leftovers.

"Sorry, go on," she said after Juliet reached her.

She sat down across her before slowly started, "Sirius was here today."

"Oh? So you are friends again?"

"Yeah, we are," Juliet said with a smile, and Elsie knew it was honest. It took long enough to move on, but she could, and Juliet's feelings were nothing more than friendly. At least she said that, but Elsie had the feeling that deep down, she still wished if it was more. "He talks a lot about his godson. Jesus, that guy. I can't even think about what will happen when _he_ will be a father."

Elsie laughed and drank a sip of water before asked, "How are they? Lily and James?"

"They're fine. They just moved into a new house."

"Again?" Elsie asked with a frown; it was just about a year ago when they moved together into a house. And then, with a pang in her chest, he realized it was also about a year ago when she met with Remus. She stopped eating, as she didn't feel herself so hungry anymore.

"Yeah, I guess they didn't want to raise a kid in the middle of London."

Elsie only smiled in answer, and Juliet could tell how forced it was. Once again, she could practically hear how hard she was thinking.

"So… well, they invited us for dinner into their new house," Juliet started slowly and carefully, and as Elsie didn't cut her off, she went on. "You know I met a lot with them when we had this… something with Sirius, and I guess he wants to rebuild our friendship anyway but of course they invited you too, but uhm…"

"You don't think I should go?"

Juliet shook her head, "No! In the contrary, I think you should. I'm just not sure you want to, you know, Remus will be there too… Maybe it will be awkward…"

"Maybe? You're very optimistic, Juliet," Elsie said half-jokingly.

"I understand if you don't want to come, but—"

"No, I'll go," Elsie cut her off, and Juliet couldn't hide her surprise. She thought it will be much harder to convince the girl to come with her. "Look, I can't avoid him forever. It seems London isn't big for the two of us."

Juliet smiled and even thought it was obvious her friend's jokes were only half-jokes, she was glad to see Elsie started to feel herself much better in the past few weeks.

"Did Sirius tell anything to you about Remus? I mean… about how is he?"

"Well," Juliet nodded with a sigh, "Yeah. He didn't get into the details, but he told me Remus did some stupid things."

It was a lie. Sirius told everything to Juliet, but she wasn't sure Elsie should know about everything. "He was miserable sometimes, Sirius said, but he thinks he's getting better now."

Elsie tilted her head back with a growl. "I really don't want him to destroy himself because of me."

"Don't blame yourself!"

"I don't, it's just – why is that so hard?" Elsie whined, and then looked back at Juliet. "Honestly I feel like whatever I do, it's bad."

For a while they said nothing, until Juliet broke the silence,

"Maybe another talk with him would be good for the both of you."

* * *

Elsie wasn't sure about this. She wasn't sure about it at all. Even after they arrived to Godric's Hollow, she considered several times in two minutes while they walked down on the street that she should just go home; maybe it wasn't such a good idea. She didn't know what to expect, but this whole dinner could easily turn out really bad.

Juliet knocked on the door since Elsie just stood there with her legs froze, but she shook herself right before Sirius opened the door.

He had a wide grin on, but he also looked surprised as his grey eyes fell on Elsie. "New hair! I like it."

"Thanks," she smiled in response as she and Juliet walked into the house. James was the next person they met in the living room after they took their coat off; he looked tired but smiled as well while gave a hug to the girls.

"Did you get a haircut?"

"No, Prongs, she just dyed the ends of her hair invisible," Sirius replied with a nonchalant voice, causing James to let out a small gasp,

"Merlin, really? That's so cool."

Elsie and Juliet laughed while Sirius sighed, "You know, sometimes I think I should make a sign saying "Sarcasm", just a small one, so I can pull it out of my pocket whenever I'm near to you."

James just waved with a sigh and it seemed like he was too tired to argue. He plopped down on the couch, but already jumped up with a surprising speed when Elsie asked if she could see Harry. The two of them walked upstairs and into the baby's bedroom; he was fast asleep, and from the dreamy look on James' face, Elsie could tell it was a rare moment.

"That's a lot of hair for a two month old baby," Elsie whispered with a smile, leaning above his bed.

James extended his arms with a proud smile, but they left soon, not wanting to wake up Harry.

"He's so adorable."

"Yeah. When he's sleeping. I'm so tired," James answered while they walked down on the stairs. "Lily is in the kitchen if you want to say hello."

Elsie nodded and thanked with a smile before James left her and went back to the living room to Sirius and Juliet.

A shiver ran down on her spine when she stepped into the kitchen and saw Remus with Lily; she didn't expect him to be there. When their eyes met, they both trembled but remained silent, and it felt like the world stopped around them. Elsie was ready for everything, but she wouldn't think all she could feel was some kind of calmness.

Lily broke the silence with calling Elsie's name and pulling her into a tight hug, before she stepped back to get a closer look at her. "It's so good to see you! I love your hair."

She laughed in answer. "Thank you. And it's nice to see you too."

"Sorry. I bet everyone keep telling you that."

"It's still nice to hear though," Elsie smiled. "And not everyone. James just asked if I got a haircut."

Lily rolled her eyes with a growl, but couldn't hold back a chuckle as well. She turned back to the countertops, and Elsie finally looked at Remus again. He stood only a few steps away from her, and none of them had any idea what they should tell to the other.

"Hey," Elsie said finally, barely more than a whisper, and somehow couldn't look away from his brown eyes.

"Hi," Remus' voice was low and raspy too, his eyes shining. Lily didn't know if she should turn back and help them out, or just listen the awkward silence again, but Remus solved the problem soon,

"Well, I just go… out… I mean, James and Sirius said this, you know," he babbled out while he left the kitchen, and nearly fell over in the doorstep.

Elsie nodded with a sigh. "Great. That wasn't awkward at all."

Lily finally turned around and gave her a sympathetic smile. "Are you okay?"

"I guess I am," she gave a small shrug, before they both fell in silence. It was a heavy silence, something that Elsie experienced too much lately.

"I'm really sorry."

"For… what…?" Elsie asked with a confused frown.

It was hard to read anything from Lily's face, but it was obvious she was struggling. Her voice was low when she spoke up, "I always blamed myself a bit—"

"Why?" Elsie cut her off instantly. "You did nothing wrong!"

"No, I did _nothing_! After Remus Obliviated you, we haven't done anything. We just… tried to forget."

After the truth turned out, Elsie indeed blamed not just Remus, but all of their friends as well. But now, months later, when she calmed down and could see everything more clearly, she understood how hard it could have been for them, too.

"There was nothing you could do," Elsie said, placing his hand on Lily's forearm. "I know he only told you after he Obliviated me – what could you do then? If you told me, I would probably thought you're crazy."

Lily laughed, but her green eyes were still said, so Elsie added,

"And we can be friends again, can't we?"

"Yes," Lily's smile widened, and this time, it looked more honest. "I just wished things could go back to the way they were."

Elsie wished too, even though she didn't remember any of it. "I don't think that's possible, to be honest."

They stayed in there for a while; Lily talked about Harry while Elsie helped to her around the kitchen before they finally left and joined to the others. Lily sat down on an armchair, and only one empty place remained; next to Remus.

Obviously.

She didn't want to make the situation any more awkward than it already was, so she sat down next to him, though there was a noticeably big space between the two of them. They listened the others talking, joking, and laughing, but none of them could join to their conversation.

When Elsie slowly turned her head to look at him after a while, and Remus looked back, he was the first who spoke up at last,

"You cut your hair off."

He immediately cursed himself for saying something so obvious instead of giving her a compliment.

Elsie looked down with a tiny smile, toying with her sleeves as she said, "You don't like it, I guess."

"No – I do, I love it. It's pretty," he said shortly, and didn't go further, even though he very much wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked. She raised her head up again and gave her a smile, but looked away when they both heard Harry's squeals, realizing Lily just brought her down.

The two of them were silent again, until someone knocked on the door – Lily stood up and as Elsie was the closest to her, she practically shoved Harry in her arms. "Could you hold him please? Thank you."

Elsie didn't even have the chance to protest, she was already holding the baby. "Oh, Merlin's pants," she said and looked up at the ceiling, before looked at Remus despairingly, who gave her a sympathetic smile,

"First time you're holding a baby?"

"Yes, and it's freaking me out," she replied, but as looked down at Harry again while he wrapped his tiny hand around her thumb, she felt herself calming down quickly. "Why do I feel I could cry?"

"I don't know," Remus said with a chuckle.

"He's so adorable," she said in awe, sitting closer to Remus, but never taking her eyes off Harry. Remus, on the other hand, couldn't help but looking up at Elsie's smiling face from time to time, though he tried to be not so obvious.

None of them noticed when Peter walked in, or when he said hello more than once, but he gave up with a wave after the second time anyway.

"Do you want to hold him?"

Remus looked at Elsie with his eyes wide with fear. "No, no, thank you. No."

"What – you've never hold him before?"

His silence said more than enough, so Elsie slipped closer again, reaching her arms out, "It's about time, then."

"No, I really don't want to."

"Remus!" Elsie said with a voice like he would just scold a little kid for doing something wrong.

"Listen, I don't want to… drop him, or crush him or something."

She tilted her head on the side. "Don't be stupid."

From the silence, they realized the others already left into the dining room, but none of them were surprised no one actually told them. There were a few seconds of silence again, before Elsie turned to Remus again,

"Come on. I'll help you."

Remus couldn't hide how scared he was while Elsie placed Harry in his arms. He was so small, and so fragile, and he felt himself shaking until Elsie placed her hand on his forearm. And then, slowly, he relaxed; his fears leaving him.

"It isn't so bad, is it?"

Remus shook his head. "Now I understood what you were talking about."

Maybe because of Harry, but the rest of the afternoon and the whole dinner passed without feeling themselves awkward around each other. Neither Elsie nor Remus didn't speak much though, but at least there were no uncomfortable feelings.

Yet it felt strange, and they couldn't hide it. The others were loud around the table, but they both felt like if they say something, they would just kill the party.

After they long finished eating, and Sirius and James were drunk enough to stood up from the table to sing and dance to Harry, Elsie sneaked out of the house.

She stepped out onto the balcony and leaned against the railings, staring the moonlit grounds. She inhaled a deep breath of the fresh night air with closed eyes, and felt as it quickly cleared her head.

Though she hoped she could be alone for a while, it didn't take long until she heard the door opened behind her. She knew it was Remus, yet her heart started to beat three times faster against her ribcage when he stopped next to her.

She gave him a reassuring smile, but for a while, none of them spoke a word.

It was Remus who broke the silence. "How was in America?"

"It was good," Elsie smiled. "Juliet showed a lot of places to me. But it was also a bit long – I felt homesick by the end, to be honest."

Remus chuckled. "So you'll stay in London, I guess."

"Definitely," she replied with a smile before asked, "And you're officially an auror now, right?"

"Yes," he nodded. "I get a job at the ministry, with the investigation team."

"But that's amazing!" Elsie said excitedly. "I'm really happy for you."

Remus thanked with a smile, but then again, silence settled down between them. It was quiet there in Godric's Hollow, so they could hear the laughs from inside, and while Peter was singing – or more like shouting – a song from David Bowie. They exchanged small glances and short laughs, before Remus asked,

"And… how are you?"

Elsie knew it wasn't just an empty question so they could keep up a small talk; he really wanted to know how she was after everything that happened.

"Better," she answered honestly. "It's still really hard though, you know. Sometimes I try to remember back, even though I know it's impossible."

Remus heaved a sigh and rested his elbows on the railings, staring down; it wasn't easy to collect his thoughts, and at this point, he didn't know what he could tell her and what he couldn't. "Elizabeth, I—" he started but stopped again, and Elsie finally realized why she introduced herself on her full name a couple weeks ago – Merlin, she just missed so much the way Remus said it out loud. She felt tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, while Remus straightened up and went on, "I'm just so sorry. For everything I've done to you."

She took a sharp breath in, chocking her tears back, while Remus continued. "I know I fucked it up in more way than it's possible, but I can't do it back. I wish I could."

Swallowing hard, she tried to get rid of the lump in her throat, but when she started to speak, her voice was shaking. "So you see now that it was wrong that you took my memories away?"

Remus nodded. "Yes. I do."

Elsie couldn't stop her tears anymore, but she quickly wiped them away with her sleeves and looked back at Remus.

"Maybe you were right about everything. Maybe I was really selfish, because I knew if you I just left you and you remembered me, you'd keep trying to come back to me and I couldn't be strong enough to stay away from you, but—" he took a deep breath, his own tears burning his eyes, "I know it wasn't the right thing to do, I see it know, but please believe me when I say I really did it because I wanted to protect you _from myself_."

Tears ran down on her cheeks again, and she clutched her hands around the railings for some support. She nodded, but didn't look into his eyes; she had the feeling if she did, he couldn't stop herself from running closer and hugging him tightly.

"I forgive you, Remus," she said once she calmed down a bit. "I just still don't know how I could trust you again."

He gave an almost invisible nod before leaned down; Elsie just realized now he had his backpack with himself. She dried her wet cheeks with her sleeves again while watched as Remus pulled something out of his bag: it was a vial with silver fluid, and Elsie knew they were memories.

"I know you said you don't want your memories back, and I can't even give them back to you, but if you'd change your mind," he reached his hand out with the little vial. "I think you deserve to know as much as it possible."

Elsie hesitated, but took it from him anyway.

"Does your dad still have a Pensive?"

"How do you know – never mind," she shook her head and slipped the vial into the pocket of her jeans, but then Remus leaned down again.

"And I think you should have this too."

Elsie's eyes widened when she saw the leather bound notebook. "My old diary!" she almost yelled while he gave it to her. "I thought I lost it somewhere at Hogwarts. I was terrified someone I knew would read it."

Remus only smiled weakly.

"Did you read it?"

"No, I didn't."

"Would you tell me if you did?"

"Probably not," he chuckled, but went on more seriously, "But I honestly didn't… I wanted to, but I couldn't."

Elsie didn't open it, just stared the empty, brown cover. Even though it was hers, she wasn't sure she could read it. "Remus, can I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

"You wanted me to forget you, and you probably wanted to forget me too; why didn't you just throw this into the dustbin?"

Remus looked away with a sigh, but looked back at her soon,

"I don't know. I don't, I just – listen, when I Obliviated you, it was just a sudden thought. I thought about it, and then I casted the spell, and that was it. I couldn't do it back even if I wanted to once the damage was done. All I could do, _for years_ , to try to convince myself that I did the right thing," he stopped and let out a shaky breath, but more and more he said, the more Elsie felt she couldn't be angry at him anymore. "I don't know, I think I just always hoped than one day, somehow, I can get you back. Even if I knew I don't deserve you."

His last sentence almost made her cry again, but she cleared her throat and blinked her tears away, "Whatever will happen in the future, I truly hope that one day you will realize that you do deserve to be loved."

He let out a bitter, weak snort of laughter, "How can you say that even after you know what I did to you?"

"Because I love you," she said weakly, like it was something she knew she shouldn't say but couldn't hold back either. "Just because you've made some mistakes… it doesn't mean you don't deserve to be loved. It's not your mistakes that define you, Remus."

Remus' heart sank down to the floor in the moment he heard she still loved him, and he couldn't decide whether if he should be happy about it or not. One part of him still wanted to get her back, and the other still wanted to push her away to keep her safe.

Maybe both of them needed some more time to think – but how much time they had until it was too late? Until one of them will move on? Until the feelings will slowly fade away?

None of them think about that.


	13. With You

With the little vial in her pocket, the diary in her shoulder bag, Elsie felt like she was carrying the heaviest weight she ever had to carry. She wanted to break the phial into tiny pieces, letting the silvery memories become one with the wind. She wanted to tear the diary apart, burning the pages, until it's nothing but a heap of grey ash. But another part of her, the part that was exhausted of not knowing the truth about them, about _herself_ , wanted to read and watch everything; every small detail.

She took Juliet's arm and gave her the control as they Apparated back to London; if it was up to Elsie, she might leave her limbs at four different places around the United Kingdom. Her thoughts were a tangled mess, and she couldn't even hide it.

However, Juliet didn't ask anything until they arrived back to their flat. She could see Elsie was upset, even if she was silent; maybe the others couldn't notice anything, but Juliet knew from a simple half-glance that something wasn't right. She never forgot to remind Elsie that she could practically hear her getting lost in her own thoughts.

They shrugged out of their coat and Elsie hurried straight into her room, but her blonde friend followed her quickly. "What happened?" she asked as she stepped into the bedroom too. "I saw you were talking with Remus on the balcony."

Elsie turned around to face with her, but closed her eyes as she ran her fingers through her chocolate brown locks, letting out a long, shaky breath.

"What happened?" she repeated in a lower voice and walked closer, her brows now furrowed in concern.

It's not like she didn't want to tell her, but she knew what Juliet would say. This was something she didn't need now: letting other people influence her thoughts and decisions. But on the other hand, she felt like she's going to explode soon if she can't talk about it with someone. Shaking her head again, like she couldn't believe this all was really happening, Elsie opened her eyes and looked into her friend's worried ones. She pulled the notebook out of her bag, the vial from her pocket, and placed them down on the desk, next to her typewriter.

Juliet's expression went from concern to confusion quickly as she watched the objects. "What are those?" she asked and lifted the notebook up, quickly scrolling through the pages. "Looks like a diary," she added, and then, as she realized whose handwriting was it, she stopped, her eyes growing wide. "It isn't—"

"It is. It was mine."

Juliet put the diary back on the desk and watched the vial now with the silvery liquid. "And those are… Oh my God, Elsie, you _have_ to watch them!"

"Really? I have to?"

Once again, Juliet looked confused. "You… you don't want to?"

Elsie turned around and plopped down at the edge of her bed with a sigh, her hands gripping tightly the purple bedspread. "I don't know, Juliet. I feel like—I'm just, I'm sure that vial is full of nice memories, you know? I feel like if I watch them, I couldn't resist anymore and I will run back to him and… just," she stopped and heaved a sigh, finally looking up at her friend. "These are _his_ memories, you know? Not mine."

"So what? Do you think he wants to manipulate you with this?" she asked with a small sceptical laugh. "Elsie, come on. You know him better than I do, but I'm pretty sure he'd never do that. He'd rather manipulate you into leaving him, not the other way around."

Elsie knew Juliet was right. The more she was thinking about it, the more she realized Remus was never selfish, and no matter what he has done, it wasn't an act of pure selfishness. In the contrary: he was selfless, way too much, to the point he couldn't always make a difference between what is right and what easy. Because Sirius was right, and living his whole life being scared of _himself_ could truly mess up his mind.

"And…" Juliet went on, her voice lower as she sat down next to Elsie. "I really don't want to talk you into anything you don't want to, but if it's really so hard to _resist_ , as you were saying… then maybe you should stop trying. It's been like, what, six months? Maybe you should give it another chance."

Elsie nodded slowly; the lump in her throat made it hard to talk. "I love him. You know I do. But you have to understand—the fact he Obliviated me… it's not like when you get robbed and someone steals a lot of money from you or your favourite wallet! He took a piece of me I can never get back. Something that was _only mine_. And, who knows, maybe I would've turned out a completely different person! We all are shaped by our memories, our experiences. But I'll never know now," she took a deep breath, rubbing her eyes with her palms. "I wish I could trust him, I really do, but I'm not sure I can ever again."

Juliet didn't know what else she could say. She wanted Elsie to be happy again, and she was sure she had never seen her so happy like she was with Remus. She wished it could be fixed somehow, but if her trust has been broken so much… she wasn't sure how she could help to restore, if it was even possible.

* * *

As the next week went by slowly, Elsie spent a lot of time with trying to convince herself why she should see the memories or why she shouldn't – depends on her current mood. It seemed so simple, but it was a hard decision to make, and not a single day went by when she didn't think about it. She tried to study and work as much as she could, but there was nothing that was enough to distract her. Nothing, except one person.

"Would you stop doing this?!"

Elsie snapped her head up. She was sitting on the couch at least for an hour, legs tucked under her with a mug of tea between her hands that went cold long minutes ago. She said nothing, she did nothing; she didn't understand why Juliet yelled at her. "What did I do?"

"You're overthinking," she explained slowly, and thankfully, with a lower voice. "You're doing this again! I can practically hear you analysing even the colour of the curtain in Remus' bedroom at February 12. It's stressing me out! And you know what happens when I'm overstressed."

Elsie leaned forward and put her mug down on the coffee table with a smile and a small sigh. "I know, you eat."

"No, I'm stress eating. I eat donuts and pancakes and marshmallows all the time. I gained four pounds since your breakup!"

Throwing her head back on the couch, Elsie let out a laugh. She knew Juliet wasn't angry at her at all; she just always had a strange way to voice when she was worried. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Uhm, yeah, I do? I'm your best friend."

"But you really don't have to."

Juliet watched her friend for a while in silence. She knew even if Elsie managed to keep her sanity through the week somehow, tonight she might break. She shouldn't suffer in silence, like she usually does.

"We should get drunk tonight."

Elsie tutted and threw her head back on the couch again. "I don't want to."

"It wasn't a question," Juliet stepped closer and took Elsie's hands, pulling her up from the sofa. "Come on, I'm not going to leave you here tonight."

Once she was on her feet, Elsie crossed her arms across her chest with a huff. "Getting drunk won't solve my problems, you know."

It made Juliet growl and rolling her eyes. "Neither crying at home alone, so why don't you just choose to spend some time with your amazing best friend?"

Elsie sighed, but her growing smile showed Juliet she isn't going to say no after that. She hugged her with a squeal, causing Elsie to laugh, "But I'm going to complain the whole time!"

* * *

The Drunken Ghoul was a place Elsie and Juliet found just a week after they met. It was a small but cheap pub in London; the dark, dusty and dirty walls and widows kept it hidden from the muggles' eyes. It was always crowded, full of mostly young adult witches and wizards. Leaving this place without getting drunk wasn't easy.

They walked across the place to the bar; the floor, as always, sticky with spilled out drinks. Music filled the room but it was never too loud, so everyone could talk without shouting into each other's ears.

"Hey Mark," Juliet flashed a grin at the young bartender, resting her elbows up on the bar. Mark stopped wiping the glass and looked up; first surprised, then returned a smile. He has short, dirty blonde hair, light blue eyes; a kind smile always on his lips. It was an open-secret he had a crush on Juliet.

"Juliet," he already started to prepare the girls' drink, without asking what they want. "I haven't seen you in a while. Thought you left us for that new bar in the Diagon Alley."

Juliet snorted. "Nice interior, always clean bathrooms… who needs that?"

With a lopsided smile, Mark poured something dark red into their Firewhisky. Elsie frowned and looked at Juliet, who didn't seem surprised at all, so she let it go. "You just say that because we have cheap drinks."

"And the bartenders are cute."

He slid the glasses closer to the girls with a smile and winked at Juliet. "It's on the house."

After they thanked to Mark they turned around, Juliet shoving one of the glasses into Elsie's hand. "Cheers."

But while she took her first sip, Elsie just frowned into her glass. "What the hell is this?"

"This is your problem, Elsie," Juliet growled. "You're thinking, you're asking, you're overanalysing… Just drink."

"I don't kn—"

"You're doing it again! Okay, listen," she started after she heaved a sigh, stepping closer to her friend. "Tonight, you stop thinking. You say the first thing that comes into your mind—wait no, because that will be no. You say yes. Yes! That's good, you say yes to everything," she grinned, looking pleased with herself, while Elsie was slowly shaking her head.

"That's the worst idea that you've ever had," she said, raising the glass to her lips. "I need to get drunk for this."

"Good enough for me," she shrugged, watching Elsie as she drank half of her drink. It was sweet, but so strong she could feel it burning her throat, her stomach, but she tried to ignore the sensation and swallowed back her coughs.

"This is terrible," she chocked out, her eyes teary.

Juliet just smiled smugly, looking her from the corner of her eyes while she was slowly sipping her drink. She was just about to suggest they should try to find an empty table – which seemed completely impossible – when one of their classmates stepped to them.

"Why am I not surprised to seeing you here, Gavin?" Elsie asked after both of the girls greeted the boy with a hug. He was known for he could never say no to a party; he was popular with a lot of friends, and not just from their year, but from all around the school.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied with innocent eyes. "Want to join us? We have a table back there."

Juliet turned to Elsie with an excited smile. "Elsie, I give you the chance to say your first yes tonight."

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't refrain a laugh as she turned to the boy, "Yes."

Gavin pointed his index finger at her, eyes narrowed. "I feel like there's a good story behind this I need to hear."

As the night went on and on, Elsie was getting completely sure even her brain tried to stop her from having a good time. She couldn't make thoughts in her head to stop, no matter how much she drank. As much as she'd loved to turn her mind off, she couldn't get drunk. She still could spend a one or two hours with not worrying about anything, but it didn't last long.

Noticing this, Juliet leaned closer; her words slurred slightly. "You should get another drink."

"Juliet, I'm not sure—"

"Shhhh," she cut her off, placing her finger on Elsie's lips, but accidentally slipped it into her mouth. Juliet laughed, while Elsie grasped her wrist and pushed her hand away. "Sorry. But you're thinking again! And I don't like it!"

Elsie sighed. "If I get another drink, will you promise you stop whining?"

"Yes, mom," she said, pressing a loud kiss on her cheek.

It was around midnight, the time when The Drunken Ghoul was the most filled with witches and wizards. Elsie fought her way through the people and stopped as close to the bar as she could. She wished Juliet would come with her; she always knew how to sweet-talk her way through the crowd.

Elsie huffed, but decided to wait so she could get another drink. She didn't notice the guy in front of her, looking over his shoulder a couple times to glance at her, until she heard his voice,

"Is it always so crowded?"

She looked up at the stranger in front of her; he had kind blue eyes, his black hair slightly messy, and the dark shadows under his eyes showed he hadn't slept much lately. Despite of he looked tired, he kept smiling at Elsie. "Sorry. I just moved to London and I've never been here before."

Elsie nodded with a smile. "Yeah, it is. It's probably the cheapest pub, perfect for poor students like us," she said, nodding at the table where her friends were sitting. "They're my classmates."

For a few, awkward seconds, they just looked at each other and silence, but just as Elsie looked away, they stranger spoke up again, "Can I invite you for a drink? I mean, if we ever get closer to the bar…"

"Uhm… I—"

"Let me guess," he nodded, "You have a boyfriend."

But Elsie shook her head, putting a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "No, I don't."

"Then maybe you could help me out and show what people drink usually drink here? As I said, I'm not familiar around here—"

"Very subtle," she cut him off with a laugh, but accepted his invitation anyway. "I'm Elsie, by the way.

"Scott," he shook her hand. "Is that a short form for something? Elizabeth?"

"Yes, but don't call me that," she said colder than she intended to, so she quickly added a quieter "please".

Nearly an hour passed, but Elsie stayed with Scott; it was easy to talk with him, about everything and nothing. He made her laugh a lot, and helped to turn her mind off for a while again, but this blissful oblivion didn't take long.

Scott was talking, but she stopped listening as she spotted a mop of messy, sandy brown hair in the crowd. He was tall, lanky; a familiar dark grey sweater on him, and Elsie felt her heart beating fast against her ribs—until he turned around.

It wasn't Remus. Elsie released her breath slowly, but the question stayed with her; _why am I still here?_

"Are you feeling alright?" Scott asked and placed his hand on her forearm, running his thumb along her skin soothingly.

"Yes," she nodded, and pulled her hand away from him. "I'm really sorry, but I have to go home."

He followed Elsie as she stood up, his eyebrows knotted in confuse. "Have I said something wrong?"

"No, of course not," she started and stepped closer, so he could hear her through the noise. "Listen, I have someone in my life—"

"Wait, wait," he cut her off. "You said you don't have a boyfriend."

"He is not my boyfriend. It's… he's," she took a deep breath in, before she shook her head. "It's complicated."

He gave a short nod, and Elsie couldn't tell he believed her or not. "Well, I hope your problems will be solved soon. It was nice to meet you," he said and walked away with a last smile, but it was hard to ignore the disappointment in his eyes.

This time Elsie didn't try to be nice and fought her way through the crowd, not caring if she bumped into everyone in the process. She only stopped next to Juliet, who just put some coins into the jukebox, but looked up when she saw her.

"Hello, you little minx. Who was that guy you were talking to?"

"He's Scott. It doesn't matter now. Look," she started, and ignored Juliet's loud sigh. "I have to go home."

"But no!" she whined loudly, taking her hands into hers.

Already cursing herself why she didn't just sneaked out, Elsie freed her hands and put them on Juliet's shoulder. "Listen, you were right. I had a good night; I needed this, thank you. But it's late, and I'm tired, and you know I have to go to work tomorrow. So let me go home."

Juliet pouted, but stopped arguing. "Fine. But next time you stay until you're dancing with me on the table."

"Deal," she said and gave her a hug. "Stay safe."

"Always."

Elsie walked out of the pub, disapparated with a loud crack, and a few seconds later she was already in their house. But despite of what she told Juliet, she wasn't tired, and she didn't go to sleep right away.

She stormed into her room and threw her bag on the floor, not caring about where it landed while she opened her drawer and pulled her old diary out of it. She wasn't thinking anymore about anything, she just wanted to know everything. She plopped down on the bed, her heartbeat fast, her mind racing while she scrolled through the pages, trying to find anything related to Remus. It didn't take long until she finally found the first note about him.

 _"_ _Dear diary,  
today something very strange happened. I was in the library, working on my Transfiguration essay (McGonagall already gave us so much homework ugh!). So I was searching for a book, but it was on the top shelf and I couldn't reach it and I was just about to raise my wand when Remus Lupin stepped to me and offered his help. It was funny because he knocked a dozen of books off the shelf (thank Godric Madam Pince didn't see it). He looked nervous, I don't understand why. And he said he'd help me with Potions because Lily is a Head Girl now and she doesn't have much time. So I said okay. Our first "class" will be on next Friday. I'm nervous!"_

Elsie let out a small chuckle. "I'm nervous!"—it completely sounded like her. She turned a page, and it was about Remus again.

 _"_ _Dear diary,  
today was my first private lesson with Remus. To be honest, he isn't that good at Potions I thought he was… I mean, he's still better than me! He's really kind, though. He tries to joke around a lot but my brain always block and all I can do is giggling like an idiot. Like, he told me today: "Stir until it turns dark purple. And calm down."  
Me: "I'm calm."  
Remus: "Yeah, I can see that."_

Slowly turning a page, Elsie laughed again. Even if she couldn't remember at all, reading these memories was enough to imagine the scenes perfectly.

There were notes about school, some about her parents; then weeks passed without writing down anything.

 _"_ _Dear diary,  
I don't remember when the last time was I haven't written anything down for so long. I was pretty busy lately. I spent a lot of time with Remus. And not just with him, but with his friends, too. He introduced me to them and they're all really nice too! I was afraid because Sirius and James seemed so mean and blusterous to me. But they are kind and funny. Peter always gives me candies when I'm being quiet.  
I'm worried about Remus, though. Yesterday he missed our class and when I saw him today, he looked really tired. He said he was sick but he's better now. But to be honest… he didn't look like he is…"_

Soon, Elsie couldn't find a single page where at least she wouldn't mention Remus. Even if she was talking about school, about friends, about her parents, about her brother, somehow he always came up too. It felt like even back then, when they haven't even started dating yet, Remus played a big part in her life

 _"_ _Today I was sad and he made me a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and I'm sure that was the best hot chocolate in my life."_

 _"_ _I know it's maybe too early to say, but I think I have feelings for him. I only know him for two months, but I'm sure I've never felt anything like this before."_

 _"_ _He refuses to call me on my nickname. He always calls me Elizabeth. And I love it."_

 _"_ _I'm so happy when he's around."_

 _"_ _Today Remus spent about twenty minutes playing with my hair. It's almost midnight and I still can't stop smiling."_

 _"_ _Today, he kissed me."_

She stopped there. She finished reading the story about how she told Remus she knew about his lycanthropy, she told him about how much she didn't care. And that was when he kissed her, on this late December afternoon, and Elsie was afraid, again, to read further. She got lost so much between her own words she barely noticed she was crying.

She left her bedroom and made a cup of tea, trying to calm her racing thoughts down a little. Because it was scary. She was reading her own words, her own thoughts, with her own handwriting, and she couldn't remember any of them. Yet still, they all felt familiar; too familiar. It made her shiver, thinking of it. More notes she read the more and more she felt like it all happened once; a really long time ago.

Because Elsie thought it will be like reading a book, but it wasn't. She could picture the scenarios too well, she could hear her own voice too clearly, she could see Remus' smile like he just stood before her. It didn't feel like when she was reading a book and the author's words were too relatable. It felt distant, old, faint memories—but all hers.

It was easier to open the diary again this time, but less scary. She knew from now on, she'll learn a lot of new information about their relationship, and frankly she had no idea what she should expect.

But curiosity won this time, and soon, she started to read again.

 _"_ _Dear diary,  
where should I start? We had our first date today. I'm really happy they let every sixth and seventh years to go to Hogsmeade freely every weekend, because Remus said he doesn't want to wait until we come back from the Christmas break. He's so cute. We almost froze to death until we reached the village, but it worth it!"_

Elsie turned a page, and then another, and her eyes widened. She kept writing through four pages about their first date. "I'm a complete idiot," she mumbled to herself and skipped this part, searching for some more important information.

There were more stories about their dates, how he first said "I love you" on a sleepy Sunday afternoon, how he kept her motivated, how he convinced her it wouldn't be unnecessary to study writing, despite of everyone else said to her. How she always tried to make him feel better about himself. How they never failed to make each other laugh. Story about their first night together, and how she always sneaked up into his dormitory after that to sleep in his arms. So much happiness was in their relationship, but it wasn't cloudless; they had arguments, even if it wasn't frequent.

 _"_ _We had a fight today. And again it was because he was jealous. Not loud-jealous, but as always he was quiet all day and then came to me saying maybe I should leave him so I could find someone better. He can make me so upset with this. I don't want anyone else, and there's no better than him for me. I wish he could see this. I feel he does, but some days he just can't. But I don't want to lose him because of this. I know he has insecurities, and I won't leave him because of this. I love him. I love him. I love him."_

"Oh shit," she mumbled between her tears again, trying to dry her cheeks with the end of her sleeves.

During the summer break, there weren't many notes, and soon, she found the last one; a letter was attached to the page. She put it away to read her own words first,

" _Dear diary,  
I miss Remus so much. I haven't seen him in weeks! I know I could invite him here if I would tell my parents about him, but I don't want to annoy them with this now. I don't even think they care. They're too busy with constantly fighting with each other, I'm so sick of it.  
I'm so sad Remus and the others won't be there at Hogwarts when I go back in September. I'll miss Sirius so much. They were my only friends here."_

Elsie dried her cheeks again, then opened the letter. She wasn't surprised to see Remus' messy handwriting.

 _"_ _Dear Elizabeth,  
I'm happy you liked your birthday present. I just wish I could give it to you in person and see your smile._

 _I keep thinking about that last night we spent together. But next time I hope I don't have to climb up into your room and then jump through your window (before you'd start to worry, I'm okay)._

 _I miss you terribly, sweetheart. If there's any way we could see each other soon, please let me know. The next full moon is on Sunday, but we still have a few days until then, and I'd be so glad if I could see you before that. I just feel it will be a tough one._

 _Love you always,_

 _Remus"_

Elsie put the letter back and closed the diary. Now she finished, she wished she could read more, but all she could find were empty pages. She was both overwhelmed with feelings and incredibly peaceful inside.

She walked to her desk again and opened her drawer, searching for the little vial. Her first thought was as it was in her palm that she should leave now and watch the memories too, but just as she was about to Apparate, she changed her mind and threw the vial into her dustbin.

* * *

It was a terribly long Friday. Elsie could barely fall asleep and she woke up early, and the whole day in the office of the Witch Weekly went by slowly. She couldn't concentrate.

She had a million thoughts running through her head of what she wanted to say to Remus. She planned everything—what she would say, how she would say; she played several different conversations inside her head, until she found something she liked, so she could keep repeat that one.

Knowing what exactly wanted to say didn't make it easier. Her hands were sweating, her heart racing, and she could feel her legs shaking under her weight while she was waiting in front of the door, only it was opened by a clearly surprised Sirius.

"Elsie! What brings you here?"

They both stepped closer for a hug, before the girl pulled back. "I came to see Remus. Is he here?"

"I think he's still at the ministry. It's not rare they have to work overtime."

Elsie gave a disappointed sigh. She was planning this since the moment she woke up in this morning. "I go and visit them in the ministry, then. Thank you, Sirius," she said and almost hurried away, but Sirius stopped her.

"Wait, wait, wait—what is it?"

They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds before she said in a low voice, "I just need to talk to him."

Sirius said nothing in answer but smiled, and as she slowly smiled back at her, he was sure about Elsie finally made up her mind.

* * *

It wasn't hard to find the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, but the corridor was long with too many doors and offices. It was late afternoon, the department was nearly empty, and she couldn't go to anyone for some help. She almost got lost when she finally found what she was looking for. Sighing in relief, she knocked on the door quickly, already regretting she didn't give some more time to herself to prepare her thoughts.

A young man in dark red auror robes opened the door; he looked tired, but straightened himself as he was looking at the girl.

"Hey, I'm sorry, is Remus Lupin here?"

He looked over his shoulder, before turned to her again. "Yes, I guess he is."

"Can you please ask him if he could come here? I mean, if he isn't so busy…"

"Are you sure I can't help?" he asked, flashing a toothy grin at her. "I'm not that busy."

Elsie sighed with a smile. "Yes, I'm sure."

He shrugged with a grin but turned around and walked away, leaving the door ajar. Elsie peeked in; she saw many tables, most of them empty.

She stepped back and leaned her back against the wall. She closed her eyes, wishing she could slow her racing heart somehow.

"Elizabeth?"

She had a million thoughts running through her head of what she wanted to say to Remus as she opened her eyes. She took a step closer and opened her mouth, but all the words stuck on her throat; she couldn't say anything, she couldn't even say hello. All the conversations in her head she planned, all the things she wanted to say were gone and she closed the gap, cupped his cheeks and pressed her lips on his.

It caught him off guard and he hesitated, but he relaxed soon and kissed her back, his arms sneaking around her waist to pull her closer. It was slow but needy. Desperate.

Elsie felt she could keep kissing him forever, but she pulled back, her fingers running through her short hair. She watched her feet, and Remus was speechless, staring her with flushed cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she said finally. "Can we talk somewhere?"

"Sure," he replied and cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the lump. "I go back for my coat and I'll be back."

They walked out of the Ministry of Magic together with a fast pace, in complete silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts about each other. Even when they reached the busy streets of the muggle London, they were still wordless. Only when they finally found a quiet coffee shop, ordered their drinks and sat down outside, they finally seemed to calm down a bit.

"I don't know where I should start," Elsie broke the silence, tapping her fingers against her mug of hot chocolate, sitting across him.

Remus gave her a small smile. "Well, you came to my workplace and kissed me. Maybe you should start there."

She closed her eyes and let out a weak chuckle. "I didn't plan to do that."

He kept smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes. Despite of that only a couple minutes ago she was kissing Elsie, Remus still didn't dare to build his hopes up.

Seeing this – because his eyes told too much – Elsie stood up and sat down on the chair next to Remus. She was thinking about to grasp his hand, but she fought back to urge as she spoke up,

"I love you, Remus. I think you know I do," she started, and Remus nodded, but avoided her eyes, his gaze fixed on the table. "But last time we spoke, I though it's not enough."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Remus slowly turned his head to look at her. "And now you think it is?"

"I think… I know I want to be with you. Look," she slipped closer with her chair as much as she could and took one of his hands between both of hers. Remus quivered at the contact, but at the same time, it warmed him up. "I spent the last few months with trying to convince myself why I shouldn't be with you. Sure, I was angry and I was disappointed first. It hurt. But I'm tired of fighting against my own feelings. I love you, and that's enough. But…" she added, and Remus felt his breath stuck in his throat, "If you still think you don't deserve me, if you _know_ you'd try to push me away in every way you can… Then maybe we really should forget each other."

She was right, and Remus knew it, but it was painful to think about how close he was to get her back or lose her again. Still, he needed to be honest with her. "No matter what will happen with us in the future, you need to understand: I'll never stop thinking you could find someone better than me."

Elsie sighed and looked away, her hands slipping away from his but he cupped her cheek, his thumb rubbing her skin. "I want to be with you. And if you _really_ want this, I promise I'll try everything to stay close to you. But I don't think I could ever stop thinking about you could find someone so much better than me. Because you deserve it, you know? I can't stop thinking about how much you've changed since I stepped into your life. You were so sweet and pure and—"

"I was _literally_ terrible, before I met you," she cut him off, a small smile playing on her lips. "I never spoke until someone asked me a question. I was so shy and quiet and I was more scared of people than…"

"Octopuses?" he finished her sentence and his brown eyes were innocent, but he needed to press his lips together to fight back a smile.

And Elsie just watched him with narrowed eyes, pouting, "Are you serious? After all these years?"

"I'm sorry. I couldn't resist—"

"It's not funny," she shook her head as Remus took a sip from his tea, trying to hide his grin. "It is _not_ funny."

"Okay, I'm sorry," he put his cup down and held her hand, but both of them were smiling. A few seconds passed in silence before he went on, "So did you see the memories?"

"No."

Remus frowned, so Elsie quickly went on, "I read my diary. That's why I know you always laughed at me because of my fear."

"Just once."

She laughed. "Ok, just once."

His grip tightened around her hand and he kept brushing his thumb on her skin. "Can I ask why you didn't watch them?"

Elsie expected this question so she smiled, heaved a sigh before she started, "You know, in the past few months, my biggest fear wasn't that if I go back to you, maybe you'd do it again. I mean—yes, I was afraid of that too. But the thought of… the thought of maybe I would've turned out a different person _haunted me_. I can't explain but… I was constantly thinking of that this version of me… it's just not the real me. Just an alternate. Something else. I know it sounds stupid…"

"No, no it's not," he said reassuringly. "What changed, then?"

"I read my diary," she went on with a smile. "And do you know what I realized? I haven't changed _at all_. After you Obliviated me, I was this shy, quiet girl again, but slowly, I changed again. And I became the same person I was with you. Only this time, it was without you. It's like, so many things happened and so many things changed around me, but I still ended up in the same way."

"So this is why I didn't watch them. Sure, I'd love to remember every tiny detail of our relationship, but it doesn't matter anymore. My diary helped to show it was really me, and it's enough, you know? Maybe one day I'd like to see them, but now I don't care about the past."

With a shaky breath that sounded more like a sigh of relief, Remus leaned closer to rest his forehead against hers, breathing in the sweet flowery scent of her hair. When he spoke up, his words were barely more than a whisper. "Do you really forgive me?"

Elsie placed her palm on his cheek. "I do. And I hope one day you'll forgive yourself too."

She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his neck as he pulled her into a tight hug, not caring about their surroundings. Elsie felt a single teardrop of happiness rolled down on her cheek, but she wiped it away and she pulled back slightly, so they could press a few, small kisses on each other's lips again.

"What was my birthday present?" she asked once they were looking at each other, both of them smiling.

Remus looked confused for a second before it clicked to him, "Oh. It was uh—a necklace with a book and a quill pendant."

"Oh, but that sounds amazing!" she gushed, then added in a lower voice, "Can I get it back? I know you still have it."

He chuckled. "Yeah. Yeah, you can get it back."

She leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling herself both excited and calm at the same time, while Remus still couldn't really believe that was happening. He knew it won't be so easy to start over everything, but he couldn't let her go again.

Soon they left the coffee shop, walking down on the long, narrow street hand in hand as Remus said, "So where do you want to go on our second-first date?"

Elsie laughed. "I don't know, but I'm hungry."

"Let's see then," he started, thinking hard. "No seafood, I guess—"

"I hate you so much, Remus Lupin," she cut him off by letting go of his hand and smacking him on his chest, but laughed too as he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off her feet, pressing soft kisses on her lips.

* * *

 _Two years later_

Elsie stood with her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes narrowed as she concentrated on the samples in front of her. She ran her hand through the soft, beige material again, but her blue eyes were still fixed on the white rug. "Okay, I think—"she started but as she looked over her shoulder, she was alone. "Juliet?"

She walked down between the rows of household accessories, mumbling curses under her breath until she finally found them: Juliet and Remus lying on a bed next to each other. Elsie rolled her eyes and sighed, but walked closer to them, and as Juliet noticed her, she looked up.

"Oh, I thought we lost you."

Elsie huffed. "You two just left me there."

"Because we get bored of your life crisis over which rug you should choose to our living room. I tell you what: choose the softer one. Rug sex," she added with a wink, then quickly continued, "No, please don't have sex in our living room."

Elsie rolled her eyes at her friend with a chuckle, while the blonde continued,

"Seriously, you have to buy this bed. This is like, Heaven. I never want to leave this bed."

Remus didn't open his eyes, but a smile was on his lips while Elsie leaned down. "Have you looked the price tag, though? It says, "Never ever ever ever ever ever."

Juliet turned on her side so she could see the price too, then give a small shrug. "Well, maybe for you. I take it."

Elsie let out a loud growl, but plopped down next to her on the bed—it was really, too comfortable. "Good for you, Miss senior-correspondent-already, even if you only work for a year at the Daily Prophet."

"I told you," Juliet shrugged. "One word and you're in too."

"Stop tempting my girlfriend, Juliet," Remus spoke up finally too, sitting up on the bed. "She's procrastinating enough already."

"That's not true!" Elsie argued. "I wrote two pages yesterday before I started to clean the whole house again," she said, causing both Remus and Juliet to laugh. "But I really don't want to sell my soul for money. Sorry Juliet. I still like to work at the Witch Weekly."

The blonde shrugged and jumped up from the bed. "Okay. But when you finish your book, I want a whole page long note about thanking me."

"Thanking what?"

"Being in your life!" she yelled back with a big smile while walked away and slowly disappeared between the rows. Elsie shook her head with a laugh, before they both stood up from the bed. "It's really so comfortable."

Remus wrapped her arm around her shoulder and he took his hand as they walked around the shop, trying to think anything they still needed to buy for their new flat, which was almost completely empty. "I can't believe we're finally moving together," he said, pressing a kiss on her temple.

"Me neither," she smiled in excitement, but quickly added, "But don't think it always be so good. Living with Juliet sometimes is like having a dog. A really problematic dog."

"Did you forget I lived with Sirius since I was eleven?" he asked with a frown, causing Elsie to let out a loud laugh. "Trust me, I can handle it."

"No, you sleep through it."

He looked at her from the corner of his eyes, but didn't say anything before his hand left her shoulders and took her hand, pulling her deeper into the huge shop. "Come on, we have to find a desk for you."

"Are you sure we can afford that now?"

Remus looked over his shoulder. "We have to. You've writing on the floor in the past few weeks."

"Well, that not so bad, you know," she chuckled. "I mean, I'm really close to have scoliosis, but imagine having scoliosis in our new, fluffy rug—"she stopped as Remus halted, and she bumped into his back. He turned around and said,

"The rug isn't for that."

Elsie tiptoed up to whisper, "Remus, we can't have sex on the fluffy rug."

"I didn't mean that," he chuckled, and she laughed too, until Remus pulled her face closer for a kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Elizabeth."


End file.
